


Only Dreams

by Rafira



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Dirge of Cerberus: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII (Video Game 1997), Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children
Genre: Cloud Strife Needs a Hug, Fix-It, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Not Beta Read, Post-Canon Fix-It, Redemption, Sefikura, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:07:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 51,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24858868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rafira/pseuds/Rafira
Summary: Post Meteorfall, and every crisis that came after that, Cloud gets through every day on routine. He survives, but it's wearing him down. The weight of everything he has done, seen, everyone he has lost... it's just so tiring.Cloud learns to cope slowly, through the support of his friends. He must confront some truths, and maybe realise he has been pretty damn hard on himself. But he feels a bit better when he finds a familiar man in his bed at night, and it feels a bit easier to wake up and take on the next day when he's slept comfortably in the embrace of someone he loved and lost, even if he's not really sure what's happening or why this is possible. But Cloud has seen enough shit to know when to not question a good thing.Sefikura  & healing Cloud Strife's trauma through cuddles
Relationships: Sephiroth/Cloud Strife
Comments: 99
Kudos: 345





	1. Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy

Chapter 1

Cloud sticks to the routine. It is easier, with structure, to get through every day. Military. Easier to power through how exhausted he is. He hasn’t slept properly in who knows how long, but it’s easier to just keep moving forward because if he stops he doesn’t know if he can start up again.

He wakes up, tired. Checks the AVALANCHE group chat. Grabs his coffee and bagel on the way into the WRO building, to find out what he’s doing that day. Goes home for dinner, watches some TV or reads a book. Lie in bed for 8 hours and try to decide if he’d rather sleep or not sleep. Wake up tired, do it again. Easy. Easy peasy.

They were all tired for those long months where they trekked all over the planet, back and forth, sleeping in tents and fighting monsters all day. That’s not it, this tired is completely different. It’s a draining, empty tired. He works to get through every day.

There are lots of things to be done, after they saved the planet. Big important things, that people expect from people like him, like monster slaying. Other, less glamorous jobs like physical labour. Cloud doesn’t mind, as long as he is busy and tired enough to sleep every night. He passes time, getting through every day. People come to the WRO building with their problems, what they need to keep surviving in the wake of several crises and the collapse of a global superpower, and he helps out where he can. Easy peasy lemon squeezy. He could do it in his sleep, if he slept.

Cloud quite liked to repair things, and happily lent a hand to the citizens. They were slowly rebuilding, moving out of the ruins of Midgar and out of the shanty town that was Edge and building more permanent houses and expanding the existing towns. Sometimes going to Midgar and coming face to face with the destruction that was easily fallout of his actions in AVALANCHE felt like a betrayal to all those who died, buried under the plate. But the dead would stay dead regardless of if they dismantled Midgar or not. Building and making things, physical work, felt better than being in the WRO offices, even if that was important too.

Reeve pulled him in, on occasion, even if Cloud struggled to understand the point of a lot of their conversations. Cloud has a sneaking suspicion Reeve sometimes just calls him into the office so they can have lunch together. A murky part of his brain recognised Reeve’s somewhat awkward attempts at friendship, and to a certain extent he appreciated the effort but sort of wished he was talking to Cait Sith, who was somehow more charismatic. They talk idly about things. They don’t talk about meteorfall. They don’t talk about the dead. Even Reeve knows Cloud better to press his finger into barely-healed wounds, even if he doesn’t understand the depth of the wounds that hurt Cloud. Very few people know Cloud’s physical scars, and his emotional trauma is an even closer guarded secret. Partly shy, partly embarrassed.

He wordlessly accepts the praise that people seem to heap on him. Even the WRO employees who see him on a weekly and sometimes daily basis look at him with such hope and respect gleaming in his eyes. The weight of their love makes Cloud want to buckle at the knees, but when a child stopped him in the street to thank him for being a hero, Cloud thanks his carefully cultivated stoney exterior from hiding how sick that makes him feel. Cloud thinks of what a hero is and remembers broad shoulders, long black hair, and a million giggawat smile. He is definitely not a hero but tells the kid to work hard to make the world a better place, and that seems to delight her.

Cloud stood in the WRO elevator with his coffee, bluntly ignoring the same guy making a pass at him for a third day in a row. _Won’t he give it a rest?_ He thought, irritated as the caffeine failed to make a dent on the weariness he felt down to the marrow of his bones. _Nose to the grindstone._ The same greetings every day, the same work, the same lunch, walk home, sleep. It’s a routine. Don’t think about meteorfall. Don’t think about it. 

"huh?'" Cloud blinked at the other man, attempting to focus on whatever was saying to cut that thought process off at the park.

The man had the decency to blush when he realised he actually got Cloud’s attention for the first time, as he repeated his pick up line, almost stumbling over his words under the sudden attention of Cloud’s bright mako-blue eyes.

"well I was just saying I recently went on a high protein diet.... And I was wondering if you would help me," he found himself saying, and Cloud lifted one eyebrow at him, confused.

"Because you know there's lots of protein in seme-"

DING!

The elevator saved both of them. Reeve came in, a stack of files under his arm. He takes Cloud by the elbow, gently.

“Good morning, Cloud! You’re looking a bit pale, you doing ok?”

Cloud frowned slightly. “Yeah, just haven’t eaten yet I guess.”

“Without being too nosy… when was the last time you ate?” Reeve asked him, gently. Cloud bristled slightly at the way his friend was treating him with the kid gloves on.

“I dunno, _dad_ , what day is it?” he snapped back.

Reeve wilted slightly. “Sorry! Sorry! That was too much, I get it. But still, let’s have lunch together ok?”

Cloud hummed his agreement, and got off the elevator.

The man in the elevator blinked at the exchange, and wonders if he should have another crack at it tomorrow.

They work on projects. Shelke extracts Shinra data for useful information. Reeve is on his eternal quest to not only accommodate the Midgar refugees, but create a better city for everyone. They are extremely careful to steer away from anything vaguely ‘neo-midgar’. He talks about sustainability, equity, and economic equality. Barret and Cid run fact-finding missions to locate a fuel source to replace Mako. They use oil for a while but all the research so far shows that it’s not particularly great for the environment. Nanaki consults with scholars on how to teach the city-states to manage with autonomy in the power vacuum left behind. The rest of their friends work on their own things too. Yuffie returned to Wutai to learn how to be a ruler. Tifa runs Seventh Heaven and looks after the kids, but talks to the community, too, and helps out where she can. Vincent is… Cloud doesn’t know where Vincent is half the time. He turns up when they need him, which is a bizarre skill he seems to have despite barely being able to use his phone.

They keep in contact, working on different corners of the same puzzle. Building at something good.

Ultimately, Cloud can’t help but feel like he is just passing time. He gets through every day, to wake up the next. After having a goal for so long, he’s not really sure what to do.

Cloud feels empty.

He knows Tifa wants to help but he can barely stand to see her these days, she’s far too kind and caring and when she looks at him, imploring him to find the words to explain the way he feels. But when he thinks about the rot he feels bubbling up inside, drowning him from the inside out, he knows that telling her would only ruin the careful peace she has built for herself so he avoids her. For her sake, he tells himself. Running away again, he tells himself, later, darker.

He passes time, trying to exhaust himself enough to sleep through the night. 

Most nights, he has nightmares. Blood. Shaking hands, the feel of the Masamune through his chest. The crystalline point of Ultima Weapon, pointed at and enemy and shaking in his exhausted arms. Aerith’s hands, fresh dirt under the nails. The worn mats on the floor of the Shinra gym. Flame, licking up the Nibelheim water tower. The curved pods of failures, more failures like him, mounted on the industrial grate floor of the Nibelheim reactor. Mako, bubbling. The needle, piercing his veins. Again, again, again. A black feather. Zack’s voice, so faint. The meteor, hanging in the sky, a threat and a warning. Again. Again. The feeling of Jenova’s tentacles in his brain, silky-sweet, so convincing. So temping.

He lies in bed, dozing off. The sheets are cool, quality cotton and soft to touch. He has the ability to access luxury he never knew early in life, due to his fame and money. Regardless, Cloud’s little apartment is comfortable but he doesn’t really know what other sort of nick-nacks to fill the house with.

He wonders how many sleepless nights it will take until it wears down on him until he snaps in half. He half-wonders if he will go insane, like someone with long silver hair and Cloud slams down on that train of thought like closing the lid of a piano down on his fingers and it hurts but it stops.

His eyes are closed and he is practicing breathing exercises when he feels it. The feeling like something has changed. The air starts feeling different, and somehow he knows he is not alone. There is a warmth emanating from across from him. Someone else now occupies his bed.

He reaches out and further out, meeting smooth skin and hard muscles that pulled him closer. Cloud instantly and intrinsically knew exactly whose embrace he was in, as easily as he knew that the sky was blue. Regardless, he did not dare say or even think the name of that person in case the spell broke. It had been years since they held each other like this last, but the embrace felt so natural and familiar, even if Cloud’s body had changed a significant amount since then. He felt the urge to squeeze as tight as he could, never let go, but feared the other may vanish no matter how tangible he was in this moment, in this bed. He felt a tremble build up in his body, which was soothed with a gentle stroke down his spine.

He wonders faintly if this is a punishment or another nightmare, and the thought is gone as easily as it came. _How could it be a punishment when it felt so much more like relief than he had felt in such a long time?_

Soft skin, strong arms and legs, sheets and his long hair, Cloud’s soft worn sleep clothes. The bed was an oasis just for the two of them.

A lifetime passed before either of them dared to say anything.

“I missed you”, Cloud whispered finally, his head in the crook of the man’s shoulder. His lips pressed the words into the other man’s shoulder, his voice low and close to cracking. “so much.”

Sephiroth squeezed him back.

“I know”. A comforting hand cradled the back of his head.

And they stayed like that, neither asleep nor fully awake, until the first rays of sunlight peeked through the curtains and found Cloud’s arms empty, and a man-sized lingering patch of warmth in his bed. Cloud was left wondering if the ephemeral moment was a dream.

After a while, the spluttering engine of a car passing on the adjacent street broke the dream and Cloud eventually rose from his bed, feeling more calm and rested than he could remember being in a very long time.


	2. Rain Coming

Chapter 2.

Cloud woke up slowly, feeling his consciousness unfurling like a new leaf. A stray sunbeam played on his cheek, having triumphed victorious against his blackout curtains. He had no idea what time of morning it was, but he felt amazingly, refreshingly well-rested. He had honestly forgotten how it felt to not have burning eyes, and the perpetual fuzziness of an overtired brain no longer veiled his mind.

He stretched, luxuriously and catlike, on the smooth cotton sheets. Something in his back cracked satisfyingly.

He felt _good._

Cloud blinked up at the ceiling.

He had fallen asleep in Sephiroth’s arms. _Sephiroth’s_.

Sephiroth, whom he had killed multiple times.

Sephiroth, who had burned down Nibelheim, killed Aerith, and tried to end the world.

Sephiroth, who…. He had once loved.

It had taken him a long time to remember that. His memories sometimes felt like pieces of a puzzle, but half the pieces were down the couch and the dog had definitely eaten a few. But every now and then he discovered a piece, and had to unpack what that meant, and where it fit.

He was _incredibly_ grateful that he had not remembered this particular memory when they were trailing Sephiroth around the globe the first time. He’s not sure if he could had killed Sephiroth with those whispers of memories of feelings, soft and warm, curling in his chest.

As it was, he remembered it in bits and pieces.

He had been chopping wood, and remembered the smell of Sephiroth’s hair, or the soft feeling of it gliding through his fingers.

He had been idly scrolling on his phone and remembered the tender way Sephiroth used to always kiss his forehead, being the closest thing he could reach without bending down too far.

He closed his eyes and could see Sephiroth’s smile, not the twisted, powerful, dangerous smile of the man he had killed, but a soft, gentle smile just for him.

He had loved Sephiroth… and Sephiroth had loved him back.

Cloud didn’t know what to do with this information.

He and Sephiroth had dated when he was a cadet… that he was sure of. And he had killed Sephiroth. That, too, was an unavoidable truth.

And last night, that man had been in his bed, and Cloud, half-asleep and vulnerable, had curled up in his arms like there was nowhere he belonged more in the world, and he had felt safer and calmer than he had in a long time.

Cloud hadn’t even felt threatened.

He knew with a sickening familiarity the cloying too-sweet feeling of Jenova in his mind, and the staticky, shaking feeling of her presence. She hadn’t been there last night.

But then… what did that mean?

Why was Sephiroth in his bed?

Cloud wondered if he should tell his friends. He entertained that idea seriously for a fleeting second. How would that go?

_“Hey guys, turns out Sephiroth and I used to date, you know like before an alien got in his brain and made him go crazy? and last night we cuddled, even though he’s_ dead _, but it’s cool right?”_

He laughed a little at the though. _Cid would have a heart attack._

In all seriousness, his friends would be extremely worried. They had been there when he was controlled into handing over the black materia – they knew that Cloud hated it, hated being manipulated, _being puppeted_ , but that he couldn’t control it. They might worry that this was just another control over his mind, maybe one so deep that even he couldn’t even detect it himself. They had no reason to trust Sephiroth. Of course not. No one in their right mind would.

So why did Cloud trust this?

He had no reason to trust this.

Except…. it felt so right.

He closed his eyes, and dared to send a message out into the universe. _Gaia, is this a threat? Should I be worried?_ He felt the warmth of the planet, an omnipresence inside, but no answer. The planet never answered. He wasn’t a Cetra, so he didn’t know what he expected.

_Well, laying in bed all day probably won’t give me the answers._

He pulled himself out of bed, and wandered into the kitchen, flipping on the kettle and popping some toast on.

Cloud flipped his phone on while he munched his toast. Just past ten on a Sunday. He had no plans today. He looked in his call log. Tifa called him, daily or close to it. She cared so, so much about him, and he didn’t even answer the phone, like the terrible friend he had been. A pang of guilt shot through him. He had been so focused on his own sadness that he didn’t even think about how he might be affecting his friends.

Quickly making a decision, Cloud called her. Tifa picked up quickly.

“Cloud? What’s wrong?” she asked, and Cloud could hear her concern, palatable down the phone. Was it really so rare that he called that she had cause for concern? _Yes_ , Cloud thought, the knife of guilt twisting deeper. _It really was that rare._

“Hey Teef,” he began, “Sorry I’ve been a bit absent lately…”

“It’s ok, I’ve just been worried about you, Cloud.”

“Yeah.” He accepted. “No, that’s fair. And I’m sorry.”

“Oh, it’s ok, I know you have a hard time sometimes.”

Cloud frowned into the phone. _It shouldn’t be ok._

“Hey, what are you doing today? Are you busy?”

“No…. I’m not doing anything. Just hanging out with the kids today. Why?”

“Let’s go out for lunch, then. The four of us. It’ll be nice.”

“yeah,” Cloud could hear the smile in Tifa’s voice. “That would be nice, Cloud.”

\------

Cloud slept alone that night, but he slept easily, happy and tired from a long day with Tifa and the kids. She had her hands full, looking after Marlene whilst Barret was busy, and Cloud hadn’t been able to help with her or Denzel since he moved closer to Junon to help with WRO operations in the base they had set up there. He wouldn’t lie and say it wasn’t easier to avoid them, but Cloud was surprised at how easy it had been to spend time with his small family again. He made a quiet vow to stop avoiding the people that cared about him, and to put more effort in.

\-----

The next morning found Cloud back in the same elevator, clutching his coffee, ready for another week of cleaning up Shinra’s messes.

He had nearly had a good day. He had woken up, well rested, and surprisingly chipper. Instead of hiding in the parking garage and going straight up into the office, he had even ventured out into the street to visit a coffee shop. And that’s where the woman had stopped her.

The aging woman had thanked him, like so many did, and he had quietly floundered. ‘ _You’re welcome’_ always seemed like a disingenuous response to _‘thank you for saving the world!’_. But she had gone on to inform Cloud that her _own_ son had died during meteorfall. They had found his body, slightly decayed and unnaturally twisted, crushed under a plate support. She clutched his hand in her own, her slightly wrinkly hands at odds with Cloud’s hard and calloused hand, and told her this genuinely, like she was somehow still grateful she had a corpse to bury even though he had failed to save this woman’s son. He looked into her eyes, and saw Zack’s parents, and the way his mother’s face had crumpled when he had finally mustered up the courage to tell them what happened to their son. _He died a hero_ was no restitution when the key words there were _he died_. And he remembered Elmyra, who had looked at him knowingly when he returned without Aerith. She had known immediately that her daughter was never coming home, even when she had specifically asked Cloud to bring her home. Elmyra’s eyes were steely and damning, and he didn’t blame her. He remembered Zack’s bloodied and dirtied face, light fading from his eyes, and how light Aerith’s lifeless body had been. He didn’t blame them for their disappointment. That was his failure to bear.

Cloud looked down in horror, realising that the kindly woman was still holding his shaking hand.

“I’m sorry,” he choked out, pushing past her and nearly running into the building.

So that was it. He managed one full day and three hours of happiness. New high score.

When his usual elevator accoster slid in and raised one eyebrow at him, Cloud interrupted with a strong “Don’t.”, harsher and louder than he had meant to, but it got the point across.

When he got home that night he skipped dinner and curled up under the blankets. His chest heaved with dry sobs, no energy left to cry.

When Sephiroth’s arms wrapped around his body, he didn’t even flinch. The other man pulled the ball that was Cloud Strife into his chest, stroking his hair and kissing the top of his head.

“No one blames you,” he whispered to Cloud. “You did so well. We’re proud of you.”

He buried his face into Sephiroth’s chest and shook, breathing heavily.

\----

The rest of the week was average. Cloud was very careful to maintain a detachment from anything that might trigger anything for him. Discussing the re-integration of the remaining SOLDIERs into roles in society was easier if he didn’t think about Zack suggesting they become mercenaries, strategizing the stripping of Midgar for useable scraps was easier if he didn’t think of the twisted sector seven plate, and farming initiatives were easier if he didn’t think of Aerith, dirt under her nails, gardening with gusto.

So he avoided thinking about those things. He took a huge step back, and sidestepped around those parts of his brain. Easy peasy.

It was only when Reeve grasped his elbow, surprisingly _solid_ , that Cloud realised he had been slipping again. It had taken half a week. That’s all he could maintain a semblance of normalcy for, before he started collapsing on the inside like a rotting log.

Reeve looked at him, kinder and more tender than he was expecting.

“Cloud, want to have lunch with me? I haven’t seen you in a few days…”

Oh. Cloud blinked at him. “ah.. yeah. Let’s have lunch.”

He joined Reeve in his office, at a low table. They had scrounged the fanciest furniture from the Shinra offices. The WRO was made up of left overs, both in employees, furniture and technology, but simply because the effort and finance was better devoted to other things then kitting out offices in rich wooden tables and not-that-comfortable bahamut leather armchairs.

Reeve had apparently already ordered, and his secretary brought their take-out in with a wan smile.

“wow, such prompt service at this place!” he joked, which had the long-suffering secretary groaning at the dad joke and Cloud rolling his eyes.

They tucked into the food and didn’t talk, the silence punctuated only by chewing noises.

“So….” Reeve asked, hesitantly. “How has everything been lately?”

“Fine.” Cloud answered, staring out the window. _Dark clouds, rain coming_. “We might be getting closer to solving the food supply issues on the western continent, but I’m just waiting to hear back on how the farmers in Corel are going with the irrigation tests.”

Reeve chewed slowly.

“Well that’s good… but I meant you, Cloud. How have you been?”

Cloud blinked. “Fine.”

“Really?”

“what’s that supposed to mean?” he answered, carefully.

Reeve sighed. “Cloud… it’s not exactly… hard to see… that you haven’t been doing so well lately.”

Cloud stared down at his sandwich.

“What’s that supposed to mean….?” He repeated.

“You’re either out of it, or sad lately.” Reeve replied. He looked nervous. “It’s ok to… we all went through a lot, and you more than anyone. It’s ok to be having a hard time, but you know you have so many friends who you can talk to-”

Cloud sat up with a start, suddenly angry. “So what’s this, an intervention now?”

Reeve winced under his gaze.

“You don’t have to go this alone, Cloud.”, he said.

“Oh, and what exactly do you suggest I do about this? I can’t undo the past, Reeve.” Cloud bit out.

“It’s not – no, it’s not like that. It’s about getting you support and help to deal with what you’ve been through-”

“Help!?”

“We have a few therapists who have been dealing with the-”

Cloud stood. Reeve placed a hand on his arm, which he shook off sharply.

“You really think talking to some _therapist_ is going to make everything better?”

“Cloud – please – don’t”

He stormed out the door, slamming it on his way out. Reeve’s secretary looked up at her phone to him, with disinterest, then looked down again.

He prowled the hallway, getting angrier and angrier. Frustrated that Reeve saw through his careful façade of _okay-ness_ so easily, that he was so wrapped up in his own feelings that he didn’t even realise how easy to read he had become. Irked that Reeve could even _suggest_ that lying on some couch and talking to some fop in a clipboard could even do anything. Things were solved with _actions_ , with digging and building and swords and guns, and rarely words. He just didn’t know how to swordfight his way out of his own feelings, but it sure as hell didn’t mean he was going to tell some random all of his woes and have them nod, and say useless platitudes, and then probably turn around and tell all their friends at dinner how _broken_ the _hero Cloud Strife_ was over a glass of red wine.

_Not a fucking chance._

He found himself on the rooftop. The sky was even darker now, clouds heavy and navy, laden with rain threatening to break.

Standing at the balustrade was a familiar redhead, turned away from him. Cloud went to leave but Reno turned around, looking straight at him.

“There’s space for both of us up here, yanno.” He told Cloud, with a twitch of his mouth.

Cloud sighed, then slowly joined him at the balcony’s edge. The streets laid out in front of them were emptying out, the lunch rush over.

“You look pissed.” He commented. Cloud appreciated for a second that Reno didn’t push, like Reeve did, just made the statement and let Cloud decide how he wanted to answer it.

Cloud thought about it.

“I’m fine.”

Reno shrugged, lighting up a cigarette. He took a long drag, and then offered it to Cloud. He accepted it, and inhaled deeply, holding the smoke deep in his lungs before letting it escape through his mouth in a gentle exhale. His throat tingled.

“Menthols, really?”

Reno shrugged, taking the cigarettes back.

They stood for a while in comfortable silence.

“I never really understood why you and the others decided to work with the WRO. It seems pretty different from what you’re used to doing.” Cloud said eventually, breaking their silence.

Reno smirked. “Disappointed we don’t get to beat each other shitless anymore? We can arrange that if you miss it. Even sell tickets.”

Cloud half smiled, still looking away.

“For real, we go where the action is. Shinra is gone. Rufus… he never wanted to be his dad anyway, and it’s not like we’re that committed to the ‘bad guy’ whole thing. It’s not like… we’re trying to make up for what we did, but that doesn’t mean we can’t do something to help now.”

Reno looked straight at him, and Cloud met his eyes. Reno was all sharp angles and street smarts, switchblade sharp and fast and lean. It dawns on him that Reno was about his age, how young they both were, and how fast they had been forced to grow up.

“I grew up in the slums.” Reno told him easily. “I did what I had to survive. I saw… some bad shit. It was tough, but it was my life. Now kids these days… they won’t have to grow up like that. And maybe that’s not a bad thing.”

Cloud said nothing.

They stood there, for a long time, until the skies finally opened and the fat raindrops splattered on the ground, painting the world a few shades darker.

\---

Cloud wakes up slowly, hazy with sleep. The room is dark, and by that and the cool air he knows that it is in the middle of the night. He can feel Sephiroth pressed into his back, arms securely around him, long hair tickling his sides. He stares at the wall. That colour of shale grey is _definitely not_ the colour of his apartment’s walls, but it’s also not unfamiliar either. He looks at the modern night stand, and the utilitarian lamp on top. He knows this room, he had spent countless nights sleeping here, wrapped in Sephiroth, just as he was now.

They were back in the Shinra Towers, in Sephiroth’s apartment. This room shouldn’t be here, destroyed in meteorfall.

Cloud twisted around to survey Sephiroth’s face. With his mako enhanced eyes, he could make out Sephiroth clearly, his long, smooth nose, thick eyelashes elegantly downturned, silver eyebrows, and full, long lips, edges turned upwards slightly even in sleep. _Was he dreaming of something nice?_

Cloud brushed the other man’s bangs out of his face gently, and Sephiroth stirred as bright green eyes opened to meet his. Sephiroth said nothing, simply looked back at him.

It had been a lifetime since he had looked into his lover’s face and seen it unmarred with insanity.

Cloud kept his hand on Sephiroth’s head, touch light and tender. He stroked his smooth skin gently.

“Seph… why are you here?”

“I don’t know.” Sephiroth told him, simply.

“….are you going to try to destroy the world again?”

“No. I don’t really feel like it.”

Cloud blinked at that answer. Sephiroth smiled slightly.

“Jenova’s not in me anymore, Cloud. You killed her.”

Cloud’s mouth opened slightly, unsure how to feel about that answer. _Was Jenova really gone?_

“Did… Aerith send you back?”

Sephiroth frowned slightly. “I was in the lifestream. Aerith was definitely there… I don’t remember anything though. I’m sorry.”

“Why are we in your apartment?”

“…. That’s a good question.”

Cloud frowned. He didn’t like the uncertainty, especially surrounding a man who had tried to kill him repeatedly, even if he wasn’t taking the opportunity to snap Cloud’s neck at the present moment.

“You’ve had more experience trying to communicate with the lifestream than me,” Sephiroth murmured after a moment. “What do you think it means?”

Cloud frowned again, and Sephiroth rubbed at his furrowed brow. _If it was Aerith, then she would be trying to show me something… to tell me something…._

“Maybe it means…. This is where we belong. In the past. That I should let go of you…” he didn’t like that answer.

“Is that what you want, Cloud?”

“No!” Cloud exclaimed. “I don’t want to let you go.” He pulled Sephiroth close, suddenly unable to consider it.

Sephiroth stroked his back comfortingly and pressed a tender kiss to Cloud’s cheek. “I’m not going anywhere if I can help it.”

Cloud looked at him with suddenly wide eyes. Then he leaned forward and kissed Sephiroth. Tenderly, but then again a bit harder and with more desperation. He clutched Sephiroth as he breathed in the other man’s familiar smell, feeling the hard line of his jaw with one hand as the other rested on his shoulder. Sephiroth slid one hand down his waist, pressing over smooth skin to rest just above the waistband of his sleep pants. He kissed back with passion as Cloud deepened the kiss.

“Cloud,” Sephiroth moaned gently, tangling his limbs with Cloud’s. his body was different now, leaner, stronger and more solid than Sephiroth remembered. He still fit so well into Sephiroth’s body, though. So much had changed, but some things didn’t change.

Cloud grinded against him, breathing heavily. “Seph…”

“I missed you. I missed this.” Sephiroth squeezed him through his pants, then started pulling Cloud’s pants off. He slept naked, and wanted to feel Cloud’s skin against him.

Cloud, kissing his way down Sephiroth’s long, pale neck, stopped for a second.

“is this ok?” he asked, suddenly hesitant and shy. Sephiroth was reminded of the trooper he had first fallen in love with years ago, for just a second.

“Cloud, yes.” Sephiroth grasped Cloud’s ass with both hands, squeezing. Cloud gave out a yelp. He used his handholds to grind into Cloud again, who moaned, breathing hotly onto Sephiroth’s clavicle. He felt like a virgin again, all hormones and passion.

Cloud pulled Sephiroth’s head back with a handful of his hair and rubbed his broad, firm chest with the other. He pushed his tongue roughly against Sephiroth’s, sloppily fucking his mouth.

“Cloud,” Sephiroth repeated, muffled into their kiss. “Cloud, Cloud, Cloud…”

Cloud groaned as he undulated against Sephiroth’s hard body. The other man’s washboard abs was providing enough friction for his weeping cock, but it was dry and almost painful with his hardness. He quickly spat in his hand and reached down there, coating both their dicks in saliva. Sephiroth laughed and brought Cloud’s hand up to his mouth, and sucked his fingers, tongue lustfully wrapping around the digits. Cloud moaned as Sephiroth pulled his fingers out, dark eyes on his as Cloud brought his wet hand down again, adding Sephiroth’s contribution and grasping both their members.

Sephiroth breathed out sharply at the tight grasp as he jerked them both off with one hand. He kissed and nipped across Cloud’s jaw, gently biting down on the curve of his neck.

Cloud moaned, tilting his head back and exposing more pale skin. Sephiroth reached down and added his hand to aid Cloud, and they pumped in tandem, hands wet and slick with spit and pre-cum.

“Seph.. Seph!”

Sephiroth groaned with the pressure. “I can’t hold it much longer.”

Cloud leaned in. “Yeah… will you come for me?” he asked, breath hitting Sephiroth in hot and heavy puffs.

“Only because you asked so nicely,” Sephiroth replied, meeting Cloud in a sloppy kiss. He thrusted a few more times, before releasing with a deep groan. Cloud met him a moment later, tugging Sephiroth’s hair in time with his release.

They lay there for a long moment as their breathing slowed down.

“Been… a while huh…?”

Sephiroth laughed. “I hope I didn’t disappoint you by coming first.”

Cloud smiled. “I guess I can beat you at more than one thing now…”

Sephiroth reached over to where he knew the tissues to be, cleaning them up slightly and throwing the mess somewhere on the dark floor. Then he gathered Cloud back up in his arms, slightly sticky with sweat still, and rested his head on the soft spikes.

“Goodnight, Cloud.”

“Night… Seph.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do I need to disclaimer that Cloud's views on therapy are not my own or does everyone get that? yeah? good


	3. Pillowfights for the fate of the planet

Chapter 3

Cloud woke up with a long stretch, in his own bed again. He reached out and tenderly ran his fingers over the sheets in the unoccupied part of the bed. They were slightly warm, and definitely wrinkled. It was some sort of proof that he hadn’t just imagined his visitor last night. Cloud looked down at himself, and scrunched his nose. _Well, that was slightly more physical evidence…._

_Time to make a call to the expert in mystical stuff._

After washing up, Cloud headed out on his bike. Fenrir purred under him, and he took the roads at a breakneck pace. He found riding his motorbike freeing, the speeds even faster than his prized gold chocobo, and without having to worry about the safety of his bird. He pushed the bike with tight turns, drifts and jumps. The roads became more and more cracked the further towards Midgar he got. The city’s infrastructure, originally over-engineered, had crumbled over time and disuse.

He took the on-ramp fast and wide, following the curving freeway up towards the city’s entrance. Fenrir’s wheels handled the cracks like butter, but he gave a wide berth to the broken glass that marked Midgar’s shattered entrance. That same glass had once held the residents of Midgar in, prisoners in their own way to the company that strived to control everything above and below the plates.

He slowed down to wind through the tight streets of the sectors. The slums had always had their own vibes, dirty and ramshackle and rebelliously alive. Meteorfall had cleared the slums out, to Edge, and then later to more permanent homes through the help of the WRO. Midgar was now empty, above and below plate. The slums were nothing more than a silent, rusted monument and monster breeding ground.

He pulled up in front of the church. It was looking worse for wear. Cloud still didn’t know what they should do about it. He was letting Midgar rot around the church, but couldn’t possibly imagine if they could successfully dismantle the entire city around the church. At the same time, letting the church go felt like letting go of Aerith, and he didn’t know if he was ever ready to do that.

The doors still felt as solid as ever, and he pushed them open slowly with both hands. For a moment all he could see was brightness, the sun seeming stronger inside than out. It caught the light of dust motes, kicked up by his gentle footsteps. They swirled around him, wrapping around him but not touching.

He walked past the pews, skewed out at awkward angles and bushed together, to the edge of the water. The pool of Great Gospel’s blessing was still full, lapping at the broken floorboards. The lilies had grown back around the edges of the pool, somehow not waterlogged. He knew of a few children familiar with Aerith back in the days who had taken a few with them, wrapped carefully in newspaper, and confidently vowed to Cloud that they would grow the white lilies in their new towns and spread her flowers all around the planet. Cloud thought of Aerith who had once been so scared at leaving the familiar steel sky of Midgar but then had delighted in exploring the planet with them, finding all the special, unique, beautiful and magical things about the world. He thought she would approve of her influence being spread like that. He just hoped the kids had better green thumbs than his own.

Luckily the lilies grew up in the slums and were as hardy as any slum kid.

Cloud seated himself on the pew closest to the pool. The water lapped delicately at his boots, powered by some invisible current. He knew in his heart of hearts that he couldn’t hold onto the hope that Aerith would even answer him, that the blessing he had previously experienced by seeing Aerith and Zack on Advent Day was very particular circumstances, and that he couldn’t rely on the dead Cetra to answer his beck and call with every little crisis. The dead stay dead, and she was busy with her own… lifestream things. In fact, he was surprised she was even able to maintain her sense of identity, but he guessed Aerith was afforded some privileges in the afterlife for saving the planet. Besides, she was always far too nosy and involved in other people’s businesses to let go that easily.

So he prayed. Hands clasped, he bowed his head, closed his eyes, and sent his thoughts vaguely in the planet’s direction.

_Dear Aerith… if you’re listening…._

_This is kind of weird to admit._

_I’m not sure if you’ve been watching me or not… I don’t blame you if you have better things to do. But…._

_Sephiroth has been appearing in my bed._

_Is this… a bad thing?_

_Did you want me to…. Smother him with a pillow or something?_

_I’m just a bit confused._

He frowned. Would Sephiroth just … let him kill him? He didn’t feel like a threat. Would he resist? What sort of ridiculous fight would that be?

Cloud flinched at the sound of tinkling laughter, as small, delicate hands grasped his.

“You think the weirdest things, silly. No – don’t open your eyes.”

He fought to obey the command, and she pushed forward, until Cloud’s head was leaning against her soft chest, smooth, worn cotton dress against his cheek. He moved his hands to hold his, carefully, between their bodies, then encircled her small waist in his arms, pulling closer and pushing his face against her. She was so solid, and so real, warm in all her smallness, and he quietly forgave everything bad in the planet for letting him hold her like that. He could feel her hands, one gently stroking the back of the head, and the other resting on his back.

“Hey, you.” She whispered.

Cloud muttered something incoherent.

She patted him gently, and Cloud could almost feel her smile.

“Didn’t quite catch that?”

Cloud eased up just a little bit, with a muttered ‘sorry’.

“So… I got your message.” Oh, she was _definitely_ smiling now. That cheeky tone in her voice was unmistakable, and Cloud had been on the receiving end too many times. “Do you really think Jenova’s new tactic is to get her finest warrior to defeat you in a pillowfight?”

Cloud smiled, despite himself. “I’m just not used to seeing him and not being stabbed.” He admitted.

Aerith sighed. “It’s been a while, right?”

He nodded. He didn’t have to admit it to her. Of course Aerith knew. There were no secrets in the lifestream.

“So… if this isn’t about Jenova, what is it about?”

“Well… you have all been doing such a great job decommissioning the reactors! All the mako is slowly draining back into the planet and becoming the lifestream again. We are letting it back into the cycle as the new plants sprout and new babies are born, but frankly we’ve got a bit of a surplus right now! So things are all a bit crazy, and it’s not always easy to keep track of all the lost souls we got floating around down there. So he miiight be taking advantage of all that lifestream to pop in and visit you”

Cloud frowned at her carefree tone.

“So he slipped out? He told me he didn’t know why he was there. Aer, I can return him to the lifestream for you.”

“Hmm. Well, we maybe less he snuck out, and more, I’ve been giving him a little bit of a push….” Aerith admitted.

Cloud tensed. “But why?”

“Does he upset you? I can make sure he doesn’t come back.”

“No… I, ah. I don’t mind.”

“Only you would sound so upset at a good thing, Cloudy. Maybe this time, just go with the flow, and accept that maybe good things can happen to you, too.” Her nails were scratching at the base of his neck now, and it felt absolutely _delightful._

“Am I allowed to have this?”

“Yeah.” Aerith’s voice was magnanimous. “This is for you. I’m sorry you’ve had to be through so much.”

Cloud shook, just a little. “Thank you.”

He waited a long while in the silence of the church before asking the million gil question.

“Are you and Zack… are you ah…. Coming back?”

“Zack and I are happy there.” She answered, softly and carefully. “We might have died a bit earlier than we thought we would, but we had lives full of love, adventure, and we got to live a bit of a normal life. Cloud… Sephiroth didn’t get any of that. He’s as much a victim as anyone in this. So I’m going to leave it up to you to decide what you want to do but try to remember that.”

Cloud nodded slowly. He understood what she was saying, even if he was surprised to hear her forgive her killer so easily. Then again, Cloud had known Sephiroth intimately a long time ago, and that man that they had tracked around the world, that had slain Aerith, that man was a far cry from the Sephiroth he knew.

“Say hi to the others for me, ok?”

Aerith ran her hand over Cloud’s cheek, softly.

“And look after yourself, Cloud.”

They remained like that for a long time, until Cloud gave a start and realised he had drifted off, sitting, and that he was alone again. He opened his eyes again, and the church seemed warmer than before.

\---

Cloud woke slowly, languidly, to Sephiroth’s large hands rubbing up and down his spine. He leaned into the warmth, feeling the other man’s solid body at his back. He sighed happily.

Sephiroth leaned forward, pressing a kiss behind Cloud’s ear.

“Long day? You feel tense.”

“mmm… I’m always tense.” Cloud answered, sleepily.

“Your shoulders are broader than I remember,” Sephiroth said in a low, rumbling voice.

Cloud hummed in agreement, not sure how much this Sephiroth knew about what he had been through. He felt the other man’s fingers brush over the scars from Masamune on his back, one thicker and more traumatic than the others, which had healed into barely-there white lines. Sephiroth’s touch was gentle, but his fingertips where rough and Cloud felt even the gentlest touch.

He wasn’t sure if he should expect Sephiroth to apologise for stabbing him multiple times. It felt sinful to even bring up those times now, and ruin the safe bubble that this moment existed in.

He wondered if Sephiroth thought the same thing, or if he was remembering that moment as sharply as Cloud was. If he could close his eyes, and remember the moment Masamune pieced him, the visceral feeling of the blade cutting through his flesh, slicing through him so, _so_ easily and leaving a permanent scar.

Sephiroth ran his hand down Cloud’s arm, smoothly drifting over his pale skin and forgotten scars.

“Will you turn over so I can see the rest of you?” he asked, and Cloud capitulated with a soft laugh at the other man taking a stock of how his lover had changed.

Sephiroth looked at him intensely, and Cloud did the same. The other man’s face was as he remembered, slightly sharper and older than the before Nibelheim version of him. He was definitely just that little bit older, but nowhere near the significant change of Cloud’s body.

Cloud had grown from a lean, gangly teenager to a man with dense, compact muscles forged by mako and nonstop fighting. He had just enough fat to take the edge off his chiselled body, and a lifetime of scars as garnish. Sephiroth traced these ones, too. Cloud couldn’t place every injury, couldn’t remember if it was a dragon or a death claw that had scraped over his forearm, or where the faded cut over his collarbone had come from. His body was a token of the battleground of his life. At the same time, there were some he wished he could forget. Thin white lines, deliberately straight and clinical, represented an abdominal autopsy, and small dots on his inner elbow represented years of repeated injections and IV trauma.

Sephiroth stroked over these ones gently, and Cloud supposed he had his own similar experiences with the Professor. He had been brutal with Cloud, in the way you could with another nameless, disposable body, but Sephiroth had surely gone through his own tortures in the name of seeing what the man could endure.

“You’re different from the Cloud I remember,” Sephiroth told him solemnly.

He almost blushed, turning away slightly. “I… I hope you’re not disappointed.” He hadn’t felt so exposed in a long time, being so closely examined.

The other man held him firmly, forcing Cloud to look at him.

“This body represents your strength. you have been through so much, fought so hard. I’m sure if the past Cloud could see you now, he would be pretty impressed with how strong you are. You…” Sephiroth hesitated. “I loved you then, and I don’t love you any less now. Let me cherish every one of your scars.”

Cloud blushed hotly at the tender comments.

Sephiroth leaned forward, and gently kissed the scar that bisected his eyebrow.

“I did this one, didn’t I?”

“Yeah,” Cloud said, softly. “You certainly left your impression…”

Sephiroth wrapped him in his arms, gently stroking. “I wish I didn’t. I’m so sorry, Cloud. I would never want to hurt you, but it seems I have instead caused you terrible pain.”

Cloud held him back and didn’t say anything.

\---

The next morning, Cloud solemnly regarded himself in the mirror.

He had been ambivalent about his body recently, grateful to just have all four limbs, a head attached, and a somewhat beating heart inside.

Sephiroth was right – if his sixteen year old self could see this body, he would jump for joy at how strong he had become. An effortless, mako-powered strength, finely honed with years of fighting, that was as easy to use as breathing. But the muscles came from nearly losing his life and his mind, again and again, and off the back of Zack’s sacrifice when he was unable to do anything.

He used to hate that weak body, but even full of mako he could still be weak, in different ways.

He was a weapon now, augmented past the point of the normal limits of humanity. He thought briefly of Genesis and Angeal, twisted by Doctor Hollander’s machinations. He wasn’t stupid enough to believe that – he had seen enough of the world to know that anyone could _choose_ to be a monster, if they believed that was what they were. He knew what he was.

He thought about Nanaki, branded with a number by Hojo, and his tribal scarring which showed his history and family. He thought of Vincent, similarly scarred with the marks of vivisections, but also scars from his flesh torn apart by the demons that shared his skin. He thought about Zack, who lost something innocent and pure inside him at the same time as he gained his facial scar. He thought about Barret, who had fused a weapon to the stump of his arm and never stopped fighting for what he believed in.

The scars that marked them told a story, and showed what they had survived and learned form.

He looked again at his admittedly ripped body. A comfortable amount of fat had taken off the sickly edge he had previously had, all flesh and twisted muscle, and had made him a bit more comfortable to look at and to touch. He had certainly had caught enough people look at his body with appreciative or lust-filled eyes, and he had not had any complaints from the occasional ones who he allowed to take him to bed.

Cloud supposed the scars had at this point become part of who he was.

\----

Cloud met Reeve in a small but light-filled meeting room. He tugged uncomfortably at his little-worn suit.

Reeve looked at him hesitantly, having not really spoken to Cloud since he stormed out on the other man in a rare burst of anger. Cloud nodded at him, trying to portray that they didn’t have to discuss that again. Reeve was less fluent in Cloud-ese as some other members of Avalanche, more rigid and formal, and he was not sure he would get the gesture.

“Oh… Cloud! I’m glad to see you!”

Or maybe he was just grateful that Cloud had turned up at all. Reeve probably had a contingency plan if he never showed up, and he wondered if Reno was in charge of the betting pool this time, after rigging the last one.

“Do I really have to do this?” Cloud asked, playing into the role that Reeve expected from him.

To his credit, he wasn’t phased at all.

“I certainly can’t force you! But I think it would mean a lot more coming from you. You’re a hero. Well.” He bounced slightly. “You’re a hero to them!”

Cloud frowned, looking down through the window to the crowd gathered nearby. _None of these people know me. Would they call me a hero if they knew what I have done? What I am capable of?_

Reeve coughed politely, and then adjusted Cloud’s lapels. They had both pinned the silver meteor pins to their jackets, to show that they were _survivors_ , even if Cloud thought it was tacky. A small pink ribbon, too, which on display like that felt like too much like sharing the bond AVALANCHE shared through losing their friend. Cloud wondered if he could scrounge up some sort of posthumous medal from the Shinra building to represent dying in the line of duty. Even if it was directly because of Shinra that he had nearly died. Repeatedly.

“You look good in it.” Reeve told him, mildly. “Are you ready to go?”

“I suppose so.”

\---

They met the gathered media at the entrance to the memorial gardens. It had been a project Cloud had been a serious advocate for – a place for people to remember those that had been lost. The gardens were stunning and well looked after, and many found a quiet moment there. They had found themselves rapidly running out of space with the frequency of recent crises, and Cloud silently noted that he wasn’t sure if they had the space for another garden area should another world-ending crisis come and then subsequently be thwarted. They had dragged the original Meteorfall tribute in from Edge, raw and beautiful in all it’s ramshackle glory.

As it was, the central obelisk contained all the names of those lost, as far as they knew. There were some who may remain lost forever, not remembered or succeeded by anyone. He had ran his fingers tenderly over some of the names there many times. The temptation to create a memorial dedicated to Aerith had been astronomical, but it was Elmyra in the end who had talked him out of it once they got her involved, stating she would never want to be lauded as a goddess or a saviour. As it was, flowers were often left under her side of the hexagonal memorial. In contrast, they had to leave one section blank as the small, unassuming plaque that stated ‘Sephiroth Crescent’ was consistently chipped off by vandals.

Cloud allowed Reeve to lead him to the small podium, and he surveyed the crowd. Mostly reporters, but a large crowd of citizens had gathered on the unassuming day too. He recognised some faces, older presenters who in their hayday had run slander pieces on AVALANCHE at Shinra’s behest, to destroy public opinion. He saw other faces he recognized, reporters from smaller, regional papers who had taken the time to consider and write honest and mostly truthful pieces about AVALANCHE’s actions, particularly helping as word spread of their sometimes inadvertent good deeds, and even some younger faces, youths thirsty for the truth. He was also pleasantly surprised to see Tifa, standing with Barret and the kids, who gave him an excited wave, and next to them Cid and Vincent, both looking a bit out of place.

Reeve gently touched his elbow.

“Hey, are you good to go?”

Cloud blinked. “Ah… yeah.”

He stepped up to the podium, momentarily struck with stage shock. But then he remembered that he had killed a god, and that he didn’t have much to fear from this crowd.

So he began.

“Five years ago, Meteor Fell. 

On that day, every life changed. Not a single one of us has been the same since. It could be a big thing- you may have lost a loved one, like many of us had. Or a little thing – maybe you didn’t appreciate electricity and hot water until it wasn’t as easily available.”

The crowd tittered quietly at this, and Cloud felt a bit more sure-footed by the feedback. He continued,

“But meterorfall was the culmination of actions from many, many people, who chose their personal desires, wealth, greed, power, over the weight of lives, and of the planet.

It is impossible to lay the blame at the foot of any one person. There are certain names, yes, that we might say played a large part. But many, many of us bought into the ideals and the lies. I definitely know I’m not the only starry-eyed youth who travelled to Midgar to join in Shinra’s army, and the majority of the planet benefited from easy, cheap power and comfortable standards of living, even when that was a result of sucking up the lifestream.

It was so easy to go along with it all, until the Calamity almost succeeded in destroying the entire planet.”

Cloud took a breath and regarded the crowd with piercing mako-blue eyes. He continued, emphatically stating,

“That era has ended.

The planet is sick. We nearly killed it. The crises we have faced in the time since meteorfall is the fallout from what she is recovering from.

There is no more hiding in an easy truth.

The only way forward is united. We must all work together to heal the planet, to live symbiotically and harmoniously with the planet, and take care of it, just as the Cetra who came before us did. Many of us have regrets. We… did things, and saw things…” Cloud hesitated slightly, “terrible things we may regret. There is no going back and undoing what has been done. The only way is forwards. If you regret your actions, then make up for them.

We have seen an incredible loss of life, but we have survived. For the people who did not make it through, do not let their death be in vain. Don’t let any of it be in vain.

We enter a new era. Never forget what has happened. Let it be a lesson, to all of us. But let’s learn from it, and never let history repeat. Together.” He ended the speech strongly, surprised to find how much passion he had put into it.

He looked around and saw the stunned faces in the crowd. He could see Tifa, and it looked like she was crying, but she was smiling, too, a bright smile. Then, someone started clapping and before he knew it everyone was cheering.

Cloud looked down, a bit embarrassed.

Reeve gently clapped his shoulder. “Hey! That was amazing!”

He wavered slightly, not knowing what to do next. Reeve very gently eased him away, and took over at the podium, to announce the new policies.

He stared out at a vague point on the horizon, no longer listening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok this is how i figured it out:
> 
> εγλ 0008 - FFVII begins  
> εγλ 0008- FFVII ends (Meteorfall is in the start of the year)  
> εγλ 0010 - The events of AC   
> εγλ 0011 - The events of DoC  
> εγλ 0013 - This fic occurs
> 
> So it's been 5 years since meteorfall... right? i can't help but feel like i've messed up somehow.


	4. Thematic Fantasy Beer

Chapter 4

Much to Tifa’s chagrin, they ended up in The Tilted Cactuar, one of the more popular pubs in the area, although it was fairly empty in the early afternoon on a weekday. The bartender seemed slightly starstruck by half of AVALANCHE casually strolling in and put them up in a quiet corner away from prying eyes.

Cloud couldn’t help but notice Tifa judgementally reading over the menu (“they stock Midstrength Zolom? That’s swill!”), but eventually they all got an acceptable alcoholic drink(except the kids, who happily got sodas) and cozied up to each other for an impromptu catchup.

Cid downed his first draught like a man dying of thirst - in one, long gulp, slamming the still-perspiring glass down on the table and gesturing for another.

“Gaia! I needed that after sweating through your entire speech!” Cid claimed, gesticulating wildly.

Reeve frowned. “What were you anxious about? He was the one speaking, not you.”

“Yeah, but if he said something embarrassing like ‘let’s mosey’, that would be our reputation down the drain!”

Barret groaned. “Spikey knows better n’ that.”

“He can’t help talking like that!” Marlene giggled. “But we’ve been training him to be less country.”

Cloud turned away slightly, hiding a small smile in his beer.

Tifa was pressed up against him, and nudged him slightly with her foot, catching his eye with a smile of her own.

“I think you spoke excellently, Cloud. I was seriously impressed… it clearly came from the heart.”

“You did really good!” Denzel agreed softly from his other side, looking up at Cloud with his big brown eyes.

Barret leaned forward with a loud sigh, table creaking slightly under the weight of his bulk and heavy robotic arm. He looked contemplative.

“Yo. What ya said about regrets… I feel that way too. What we did in Midgar… ain’t a day passes that I’m not thinkin’ about what we did.”

Tifa frowned, looking pale. “I get it… but you were doing what you thought was the right thing, Barret.”

“I worked for Shinra for years,” Reeve volunteered, “Turning my eyes aside even when I knew they were doing awful things. I didn’t even think I had the power to go against them until nearly too late. You had the drive to go and change things on your own, and I really admire that about all of you.”

“But you joined us eventually!” Cid cackled. “Even it was just behind a robot.”

“Do you find it hard?” Cloud asked, quietly. “When people call you a hero. It’s hard to believe that, knowing how many people we failed to save.”

The table was quiet for a moment.

“If you didn’t do anything, then things would be worse for sure,” Marlene eventually said, breaking the silence. The adults all looked at her.

Tifa blushed. “Marlene, Denzel, I’m sorry. We shouldn’t be having such a serious conversation in front of you.”

“But she’s right.” Denzel replied. “You can’t undo what happened in the past. But we have a future, and we are making it together. That’s what Cloud said in his speech.”

“Great glowin’ Ramuh” Cid groaned, “You kids are growing up fast.”

Marlene sipped her soda with a smile. “Well, we did nearly see the world end a few times.”

Barret sighed heavily. “Baby girl, I’m sorry you had to grow up so fast. You’ll still be my little girl, right?”

“Always!” she replied with a bright smile. “Would it be ok if I came to visit you, daddy?”

“Ya wanna come visit…?”

“Yeah! It would be fun!”

Barret responded positively, and they began planning their trip excitedly. In the noise, Tifa tilted her head towards Cloud.

“You seem like you’re doing better these days,” she told him quietly. “I hope I’m not just imagining it….”

“I’m trying to be better, Teef…” he answered softly.

She snaked her hand into his, and he gave it a big squeeze. He hopes that conveys how grateful she is for the solid and supportive friendship they had, and especially for still wanting his friendship after he had put to bed any hopes she had of a romantic relationship between them a few years ago. She had taken a little bit of time to mend her broken heart, and then they had rebuilt their friendship. Tifa was his anchor sometimes, and he doesn’t know what he would do without her.

\---

Reeve caught him leaving later, after Tifa had taken the kids home and Cid and Barret had goaded each other into a drinking game.

Cloud allowed himself to be pulled gently to the side, out of the flow of foot traffic picking up as the City’s nightlife woke up.

“Hey. Cloud, I just wanted to apologise for the other day. No, really, I didn’t really say what I wanted to say well.” He sighed, running a hand through his hair.

Reeve looked much less formal with his tie undone and dark hair falling out of its perfectly gelled coif, and Cloud had a moment of guilt for how easily everyone let Reeve take the brunt of the organisation of the WRO, as his caring nature tended to mean he over-worked himself.

Cloud shifted uncomfortably, as he watched Reeve search for the words.

“What I meant was… I wasn’t saying there’s anything wrong with you. But in the past few years, we have survived the world nearly ending three times. That isn’t just … nothing. I do have regrets, and it’s clear you do too. I know you country kids are more hardy than us soft city folk, but there’s no stigma about talking to someone about how you feel. Even if it’s a friend, or a professional. Keeping things bottled up never ends well.”

Cloud considered his words carefully.

“Thanks, Reeve. Thank you for caring about me.”

Reeve fiddled with a loose strand of hair.

“Well, I like to think we’re friends, so, ah, of course.”

Cloud blinked at him. “Of course we’re friends, Reeve. We have lunch together every week.”

“Ah! I thought I might be bothering you, to be honest.” Reeve answered with a smile.

“I like having lunch with you,” Cloud admitted.

“Oh! Good then! Well, thanks again for today. You did great!”

“See you next week, Reeve.”

\---

“Long day at the office?”

Cloud sighed from where he was carefully encircled in Sephiroth’s arms.

“Weird day. I gave a speech.”

“Oh, I used to give a lot of them. They were great for PR, but the scripts were always so over-the-top.”

Cloud laughed quietly. “I used to watch you give them on TV when I was little. I thought you always sounded so cool…. So they definitely worked.”

“You were definitely my cutest fanboy,” Sephiroth told him solemnly, following it up with a small kiss to his forehead.

“Was I? Was I embarrassing?”

“Don’t you remember how you were when we first met?”

Cloud shrunk down a little bit. “I don’t… I don’t remember much.” He admitted. He could feel, rather than see, that Sephiroth was unhappy to hear that, although he knew it wasn’t directed at him. The other man was silent for a little while.

“You were shy, for a long time,” he finally answered. “You were too nervous to be yourself around me, so I didn’t get to know the real you for a long time. But one day Zack was sick, and he called me around to help him, but you were already there, making him a soup and telling him off for going out in the snow without enough clothing on. You were so angry at Zack that you forgot to be shy around me, and I have a natural attraction to anyone who tells Zack off.”

Cloud laughed at that. “That definitely sounds like him! So… what happened after that?”

“Well, we all ate your soup and Zack got better.”

“No, no, I mean between us.”

“Ah. We were friends, for a long while after that, but we developed feelings for each other. Zack figured it out before we did, of course, and set us up. He invited us both out for lunch, and then didn’t show up himself. I remember we went for a walk after, and… hm. I remember there was something in my eye, so I blinked, but you thought I was winking at you and you kissed me. You looked so shocked that you did it, too.”

Cloud smiled. He couldn’t remember that, but the thought of it still made something unwind with warmth inside his chest, familiar and comfortable.

Sephiroth stroked his hair.

“What do you remember?” he asked mildly.

Cloud pondered for a moment.

“I don’t remember a lot of detail. I remember more…. How it felt to be with you. I remember lying in bed with you, and how your hair smelled, and the feel of your arm pulling me closer. I remember…”

And he leaned in close to kiss the other man softly and tenderly, trying to impress upon him the feelings that had come onto him slowly and softly, how they had made him feel both loved and alone once he realised the one that made him feel that way was dead.

He pulled back slowly.

“I lost you,” he whispered. “I had you and lost you and then I remembered and lost you all over again.”

Sephiroth stroked down his cheek, feeling the slight tremble in the other man.

“Can you stay?” Cloud asked.

“As long as I can,” Sephiroth promised.

They lay in silence, wrapped up in each other’s arms.

Cloud eventually broke the silence.

“Do you… remember much of what happened? After Nibelheim.”

Sephiroth thought contemplatively. “I remember parts of it, definitely. Parts that were my real body, that I was present for. I have been… appropriately chastised for my actions in the lifestream.”

Cloud winced, not sure if that meant a million lashes of a whip from every dead Cetra, or an angry lecture from Aerith, or somewhere in between. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to know.

“But whilst I was in statis or waiting for your party to find me, I’m not sure what you were up to. Anything in particular I should know?”

Cloud blinked. “Well, I went to space. That was pretty cool, I guess.”

“You. What?” Sephiroth stared at him.

“Uhh. Yeah and I went to the bottom of the ocean in a submarine.”

“That is. Certainly. Hm.” Sephiroth thought for a moment. “You have truly experienced some amazing things.”

“Well, I was also in Hojo’s lab for a few years, so maybe that all balances out?”

Sephiroth’s arms tightened protectively around him at the mention of the scientist.

“Zack told me…. Cloud, I am so sorry. No-one should have to experience that.”

Cloud gaped at him. “Why are you apologising? You were his victim, too! I remember that much, at least!”

“But you… I wish I could have protected you from him.”

“Well. I killed him, so he won’t hurt anyone ever again.” Cloud told him. He thought of Vincent, Shelke, and Deepground. He had pushed particularly hard in the WRO for scrutiny on scientists and doctors, to prevent anything from happening again.

Sephiroth stroked down his side with a gentle hand.

“I hope the memories of his actions don’t haunt you too much.”

“Well,” Cloud sighed, “I don’t even know what he was doing apart from filling me with mako and little chunks of Jenova. I remember a lot of uhh… being cut up and shocked and some other things, but I’m not really sure what that was trying to achieve.”

He thought on that for a long while, even as he drifted off in Sephiroth’s arms, the other man’s broad hands stroking his body like he could soothe away the scars and past hurt of Hojo’s experiments.

\---

Cloud was still pondering on the fact when he entered the WRO building the next day. As he expertly sidestepped the overly-friendly man trying to casually sling an arm around Cloud’s shoulder, he checked his phone and saw a message from Shelke asking him to meet her in the building.

He met her in a computer lab, where Shelke was typing up some sort of complicated system. Reeve stood behind her, reading over her shoulder. He greeted Cloud softly.

Cloud had gotten fairly competent with technology, but she was on an entire level all of her own. Shelke looked up at Cloud, typing without even looking at the screen.

“Cloud. Look at this.” Shelke begun, no nonsense. She navigated to a schematic of Midgar, which she rotated until he could see the signal of mako through the City. Well, what should be no flow of mako, but Reactor 0 was clearly pulsing softly.

“What? Did someone start the reactor up again?”

She didn’t answer him, but changed the map. It lit up with energy signals, highlighting the same rough area.

“No. This is only reserves being burned, but there is activity, nonetheless. Either Deepground has not completely been eradicated, or someone else is using their base.”

“That’s not all,” Reeve continued. “We have had reports from different provinces that there are increased monster sightings and troops spotted around. It sounds like there’s definitely some sort of group out there trying to gain power.”

Cloud sighed. “Gaia, who could possibly be trying to do something now? And what could they want?”

“Cloud.” Reeve looked at him solemnly. “You don’t have to deal with this again. You either, Shelke, you’ve both done enough if you want a pass. WRO has troops, we can take care of this.”

“No,” Cloud replied. “You’re not foisting me off that easily.”

“I will be involved.” Shelke confirmed. “Fighting Deepground is personal for me… and additionally, my – my sister, she would want me to do the right thing. All empirical evidence would point at the conclusion that this is the right thing.”

“Okay, well that’s sound reasoning I guess. But ah, I just need to warn you, both of you, that some of that activity was near the Nibelheim mansion. They were spooked off, but it seemed someone was trying to raid the lab.”

Cloud felt his skin crawl, and the room felt like it dropped five degrees in temperature.

“They want… the lab?” he heard himself speak, his own voice suddenly sounding very faint to his own ears.

“Yes, we don’t know what they wanted, but it’s possible this ground was hoping to conduct their own experiments. They wouldn’t be the first copycats.”

Cloud had a vague knowledge of the Ravens, SOLDIER clones, G Clones, and of course he was intimately familiar with Jenova clones.

He let out a deep breath he didn’t even realise he was holding.

“I won’t let them.”

Shelke, next to him, nodded.

“What we went through… I won’t let anyone else suffer like that again. No-one will ever go through that. It’s not an option.”

He looked at her small face, serious expression at odds with her childish appearance. She, like so many of them, had lost her youth and innocence for another’s goals.

He thought of his own vague medical history. Not even knowing what had been done to his own body, or why. Years, lost to time. Even more, lost to his own brain, in its own attempt to protect him, or lost to the green haze of mako.

He thought of the Jenova clones, each of those even people with their own lifes, lost to becoming mindless clones that abandoned their lives to easily for reunion.

Never again.

\----

Cloud found Vincent easily, despite the fact that the other man’s replies to his texts were nearly entirely indecipherable. He seemed to be struggling miserably with the touch screen. Cloud wondered if they should get the other man one of those old-people phones with the big buttons.

The other man regarded him silently from above his mantle, where he was perched in a chair by the window in one of the lounges in the WRO building. It was getting late at night, and they were alone.

Cloud had always enjoyed Vincent’s presence. Most of their friends in AVALANCHE were loud, or just chaotic, and his quiet, calm nature was relaxing. He had been surprised to find out how much the two of them had in common, as Cloud’s own history had come unravelled at their feet. Both had had their lives forever changed by Hojo, tortured in the name of science in different and creative ways.

Not that either he nor Vincent where much of the type to talk about their feelings.

However… things of this brevity deserved to be discussed.

“Vincent,” Cloud greeted him softly. He flopped down into a chair opposite him, and briefly looked out the window as he wondered how to proceed. The season of yule was fast approaching, and with it the nights came earlier, and the air was a bit cooler on the lungs. He had never particularly minded the cold, but it fogged up the window with his breath.

“Did you need something?” Vincent asked him, after Cloud had let the silence drag on a bit too far.

“Yeah. Actually.” He shifted slightly in his chair, to face Vincent head on. His dark hair hid his gaunt but handsome face, and the red eyes that stared back were as piercing as ever.

“I was just speaking to Reeve and Shelke. They think there might be some pockets of Deepground left, and they’ve been active on the eastern continent. I was wondering if you would mind coming with me to investigate the Deepground base in Midgar. But first… they were reported in Nibelheim too. Any data left in the lab needs to be retrieved, so they can’t get their hands on it.” He shifted uncomfortably. “I was hoping you might come with me there, too…. I need someone I can trust.”

Someone who understands.

Vincent seemed to understand where he was getting at, however, and Cloud was relieved at his small nod.

“I will accompany you. But are you sure you sure about this? Nibelheim is not a place of happy memories, for either of us.”

Cloud gave a small laugh. “Yeah, trust me, I know that. But … despite that…”

He looked out the window again.

“I don’t even know what he did to me. I don’t know if I want to know. But … I want to have that option, at least.”

“Do you think that will change anything?”

“I’m not going to go crazy and decide I’m a monster or anything,” Cloud remarked with a soft chuckle. “I know that… But I’m still trying to find who I am, and where I fit in this world. Maybe knowing what happened to me is going to help with that. Hojo tried to convince me that I wasn’t even real, and Jenova made me her puppet. If I have the knowledge of what I have actually been through, then no-one can take that from me.”

“Or maybe I’m just looking for a reason to keep going. I…” He took a deep, shuddering breath. “I’m not really sure what comes next, after the world has been saved.”

He could feel Vincent’s eyes on him.

“Hojo put four demons inside me,” He began softly, voice low and smooth. “They taunted me and clawed at me and tried to destroy me, but it was my guilt over failing Lucrecia that drove me to hide in a coffin until AVALANCHE found me. You all dragged me, kicking and screaming, back into the world.”

“Cloud, I nearly rotted in that coffin, blocked out to the world. You gave me a reason to live again. The sorrow of losing her has never left, but I have stopped letting it consume me.”

“We are very similar” Vincent mused. “it’s easier to forget that, sometimes. To forget what we are. But with that in mind, do you really think I wouldn’t support you when you’ve lost your way?”

Cloud met his eyes, slowly. He felt ice cold, having been seen right through so easily.

“Is it really that obvious?” he asked, slowly.

“The sorrow you’ve carried since that day? I have watched it get heavier and heavier, on your shoulders. Tell me Cloud, what did you leave in the crater that day?”

He turned away again, unable to face Vincent’s piercing eyes.

“You know, I still only remember bits from my time at Shinra. Huge chunks of my memories are missing. But slowly… I’ve been getting them back. Bits and pieces, like a jigsaw puzzle coming together. I didn’t know what I lost until it was too late.”

He placed his hand on the misted-up window, his body warmth emanating from his bare hand slowly causing the cold to condensate. He watched the outline of his hand, and faintly realised that he was shaking.

“I love a ghost. And I’m stuck… stuck in the shadow of that memory.”

He closed his eyes, realising that was the first time he had admitted it to anyone. He sensed Vincent moving closer and felt his human hand clasp his shoulder.

“It wasn’t Aerith, was it?”

“Don’t tell the others,” Cloud whispered, eyes still closed. “They’d kill me, or think I was crazy.”

“Did you forget so quickly what being part of a team means, Cloud? It means that we support you.”

Despite himself, he was shaking.

“I promise you don’t have to do this alone.”

\---

Cid rarely didn’t complain about being asked to ferry himself and Vincent to Nibelheim, or ‘that shithole town’ as he called it, and if it was because Vincent had quietly told Cid to give Cloud a break, then he wasn’t going to complain.

Cloud landed on the fresh snow with a satisfying _crunch._ Winter in Nibelheim… he remembered years of happy yule holidays with his mum, who had stretched her meagre money to make the holiday special for him, long before he had learned of the cruelty of the adult world.

He surveyed Nibelheim as he strode in, rugged up in a black coat, Vincent walking by his side.

“Stop me if the residents talk to me.” He muttered to the other man. “I don’t know if I can be nice to them. I hate this place.”

Vincent said nothing, as they made a beeline towards the mansion.

Cloud tried not to focus on all the little ways this town wasn’t Nibelheim, not really. It was bad enough that Shinra couldn’t even let the town be ash, but they covered it up with this shitty façade. Now that he really looked, he could see the shoddy worksmanship on the roof tiling, the unvarnished wood, and the lazy door carvings. It was honestly a miracle the town had lasted this many winters without falling apart, though he could see clear signs of disrepair in some of the buildings. It was like a prop town, built for a play.

“I hate this town.” He repeated, more for his own benefit.

They came to stop in front of this mansion. Once more for good measure. “I hate this place.”

Beside him, Vincent nodded.

They expertly navigated the mansion, tracking the well-remembered route down the rickety stairs. Cloud stopped at the mantle of the lab, suddenly hesitant.

“You don’t have to do this.” Vincent murmured, at his back.

Cloud shook his head, steeled himself, and walked in.

It was truly strange how unfamiliar the place felt when he considered he had spent close to five years in here. But the more he looked, the more memories unfurled slowly in his mind.

His eyes roamed over the room. The surgical lamp was hanging at an angle, and he knew if he pushed it, it would squeak, as he had heard it a million times before. He walked past the steel operating table, noting the reinforced leather straps either end, and the five divets close to the top. It looked like…. A hand print. Pressure, squeezing the shape into the hard edge of the operating table.

Cloud rotated his arm uncomfortably to angle it from the centre of the table and pressed his hand over the mark. His fingers fit perfectly into the dents. 

A coldness started spreading through his body. Cloud felt his heart drop to his throat as he surveyed the room.

His eyes caught the two tubes, prominent in the lab. He walked up to them, barely thinking.

His cell for so many years… Cloud remembers it, easy as breathing. It was his existence. Floating, everything tinted a sickly green. He felt it, all the way inside him, the colour, flavour, feel, burn of mako his entire world for four long years, pulled out only long enough for Hojo to strip him down to base human instincts, cut him deep, torture him, try to mould him into something to replace the perfect specimen he had taken so inelegantly from the scientist. To his side, Zack, trying so hard to keep both of them grounded and sane.

Zack, who must have been struggling so much, basically on his own because Cloud was barely present, so mako-sick he could not respond. Zack had been separated from everyone he loved, restrained, and forced to wither away in stasis.

Zack, dragged his comatose body across two continents and then was shot down on the cliff. Alone, that entire time, with Cloud unable to carry a conversation. Zack had had no support. For the incredibly social man, it must have been worse than torture.

He almost felt like he was back in the tube now, air thick as mako as he breathed in, increasingly laboured.

Cloud dropped to a low crouch, tracing the letters carved on the inside of the glass.

_Lets get out of here_

His body was ice-cold. As cold as Zack’s, on the cliff. As cold as the feel of mako when it first entered the veins, before the burning started.

Cloud’s legs had brought him outside before his mind even registered what was going on, collapsing on all fours onto the crisp snow outside the lab. He retched, but no mako came out of his lungs like he expected. Just a long string of drool. The coldness barely registered as he struggled to regulate his breathing, which felt impossible.

He gave a sudden yell when something touched him, jerking away, but only fell deeper into the snow.

“It’s just me. Take a deep breath.” And Vincent’s broad hand was rubbing up and down his back, soothingly.

Cloud breathed deeply, holding it in, and then releasing.

“You’re safe.” Vincent told him.

“I’m safe…” Cloud repeated shakily.

He was Cloud Strife. He was not specimen B, and he was not trapped. He was free, the freest he had ever been in his life, and he had friends who would tear the planet apart looking for him if he vanished.

He would never be a specimen again.

He sat up, slowly, feeling the icy-numb feeling recede from the edge of his mind and chest as his anxiety attack dissipated, and as he grounded himself.

“…thanks.”

Vincent nodded. “Stay out here, I’ll collect the files.”

“No, I want to go back in.”

The older man regarded him solemnly as Cloud pulled himself to his feet. “If you’re sure.”

They walked back down, carefully, and searched the lab. The files were not even hidden, a few dog-eared and worn manilla folders full of handwritten notes. He collected the ones labelled ‘Specimen A’, ‘Specimen B’, and a few other ones including folders on the Jenova project. They collected up all the books as well and put them in a few huge bags to lug back up the stairs. Cloud put them down, carefully, on the operating table, and regarded the room.

He looked at the mako tube which had been his prison for four long years, then resolutely pulled his sword off his back, and shattered the thing with one large hit. It collapsed in an explosion, a large shard flying past his face and cutting his cheek open that he didn’t even wince at.

He faced the second tube and attacked this one a little bit more carefully. Cloud used a few well-considered whacks to loosen the glass, and delicately eased the shard containing Zack’s message free, placing it on top of his folders.

Vincent nodded at him, indicating they had found everything of use. As they left, Cloud cast Quake, bringing the structure of the room down and collapsing it, delicately feeding the spell enough mana that it would ruin the lab without bringing the entire basement down on them.

“Do you want to say goodbye to your coffin?” he asked Vincent cheekily, even as he was pale-faced. The other man ignored him and went up the stairs. He collapsed them, too, and they left Nibelheim whilst ignoring the curious looks of the residents.

They left the town long behind them, and Cloud didn’t look once as Nibelheim disappeared on the skyline. No matter how hard he tried, that town always managed to call him back. Cloud just wanted to leave those painful memories behind.

He took the files home and steadfastly ignored them. Wrapped up in a protective case and resting on his dining room table, he regarded the files like a weapon about to go off at any moment. 

That night, Sephiroth held him, and didn’t say anything.

The cut on his cheek was long healed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think it was officially 'specimen a' and 'specimen b' even though 'specimen c' and 'specimen z' sits soooo much bettter with me but I guess hojo wouldn't care what their names were.
> 
> yeah there's some sort of vague plot too. 
> 
> do people not like shelke? i like shelke.


	5. Some Light Cyberbullying

Chapter 5

Cloud wasn’t quite sure how he got roped into washing the dishes every time, but somehow that’s how he found himself after popping in to see Tifa. She was upstairs somewhere, getting the kids to pack, and Cloud chuckled to himself as he heard her voice waft down the stairs, reminding Denzel to pack underwear.

He started a little bit at a small touch at his side, but lifted his arm to allow Marlene to sneak between him and the sink and steal the tap for a moment to fill her glass of water. Cloud idly dabbed dish bubbles onto her nose, eliciting a giggle from the girl.

“Done already?” he asked, returning to the tub full of dishes.

“I was packed last week,” Marlene confided in him.

“That excited, huh?”

“Yeah!” She took a seat at the bar, kicking her legs back and forth with a steady beat. “Do you think daddy will be here soon?”

“I’m not sure, what did-” he was interrupted as the bar’s door swung open, unlocked despite the ‘closed’ sign. Barret’s large form burst through the entrance.

“Heeey!” he exclaimed.

“DADDY!” Marlene shouted, running up into his open arms.

Cloud looked down and smiled at the exchange. The simple love they held for each other couldn’t help but warm up anyone that was in the same room as them. He admired Barret’s big heart, one of his best traits.

Cloud finished up the dishes as Marlene finished greeting her father and ran upstairs to check on Denzel and Tifa. Wiping his hands on the dishcloth, he looked up again as Barret approached.

“Hey Spikey. Didn’t expect to see ya here!”

“I aim to surprise,” Cloud replied shrewdly. “Beer?”

“Yeah why the fuck not, I’m on holidays.”

Cloud grabbed two longneck bottles, and slid them across the bar, walking around to join Barret at the seats. He took his own beer, twisting off the top and releasing a hiss of gas.

“No glasses, ok? I just did the dishes.”

Barret laughed at him and slapped Cloud on the back with a large hand, causing the man to rock in his seat slightly.

“Sounds good to me!” He took a large sip with a contented sigh. “Ah, Teef gets the best beer.”

Cloud hummed in agreement.

They sat, in a comfortable silence.

After a moment, Tifa’s voice rang up clearly from above. 

“Marlene, do you really need to take five pairs of shoes with you!?”

Barret laughed, a hearty chuckle from deep within him.

“Gaia, I missed that kid.”

“Not going to help?” Cloud asked, beer bottle at his lips.

“Ha! I gottem for the next month or so, guessing I’ll have plenty of future shoe related drama to deal with.”

Cloud hummed in response, happy to let the comfortable silence stretch between the two men.

However, after a while he could feel Barret side eyeing him, and Cloud tilted his head slightly as he waited for the other man to say whatever he wanted to say.

“Yo, spike?” Barret started after a while, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. “You doin’… good these days?”

“Sure,” Cloud answered easily, taking a sip of beer.

Barret grunted with disgruntlement.

“Don’t just brush me off. Ya know what I mean.”

“We don’t have to have this conversation, Barret.”

“What, you think I don’t care? That’s heartless, spike. I care a whole lot.”

“No-one could ever accuse you of being heartless, Barret. I just mean talking this sort of stuff… it’s hard.”

“GODDAMN! Shut up for a second and let me say my bit!”

Cloud stilled, slightly shocked.

“Spikey, I might have not known you back when Tifa did, and I might not have been inside your head, or be down with all the lifestream mumbo-jumbo, but I knew you when you thought you were someone else, and I was there when you had to find yourself again. You’re not that hard to read, kid, especially when you’re lost in your own head. But you’re my friend, and I could see plain as day that you weren’t doing so well, and I’m glad to see you pulled out of it.”

“But I’m sorry…” Barret hesitated. “I’m sorry I didn’t try to help you. I’m good at being loud… not so good with the quiet bits. Maybe that’s something I need to work on, if even for Marly’s sake.”

Cloud looked down, at the worn counter. Fading varnish exposed the knotted wood, small scratches marring the surface like a thousand tiny cuts from a miniature Tonberry’s knife.

“I just wanted you to know that being AVALACHE means being a part of a team, and that I’m there for you, if you need it.” Barret ended, with a sense of finality. He placed his warm hand on Cloud’s shoulder again, but left it there this time.

Cloud looked up, finally, meeting Barret’s expressive, soulful brown eyes with his own mako-blue ones. The other man looked back at him, and Cloud felt guilty for so easily brushing off Barret’s feelings before.

“I… yeah. I’ve been working through a lot of stuff lately. You know most of it…. But I’ve always just run away from my problems before, so dealing with it myself, or even letting someone else help me with it… it’s not easy for me. But I’m trying.”

“All you can do is try,” Barret replied, rumbling baritone carrying through his body and reaching Cloud’s. He found the warmth and the other man’s low voice comforting where they connected.

“Yeah.” Cloud said softly, finally breaking the gaze.

“Things got kinda fucked up there, huh?” the other man said with a laugh.

“Yeah. All sorts of fucked up.” Cloud answered with his own soft laugh, which seemed to surprise the other man.

They both stilled at the noise of footsteps started descending down the stairs, about as thunderous as two kids could get.

“Don’t be a stranger, ok kiddo?”

“Are we doing a thing for yule this year?” Cloud asked in reply. “I’ll see you then, right?”

“Yeah, for sure. AVANCHE yule get together.” Barret clinked their bottles together with a grin. “We’ll make it happen!”

“Are you two drinking all my good beer?” Tifa admonished, exiting the staircase after the kids, laden with bags. Cloud sprung up to help her, ignoring how she tried to shoo him away. “No, I’ve got it! Really!”

“Beer is made to be drunk, Teef!” Barret laughed, standing and draining his bottle in one practiced motion. “Okay then, you kids ready for a certified Wallace adventure?”

“Yeah!” Marlene shouted, drowning out Denzel’s slightly shyer reply behind her. She blinked, then after a second pulled the other boy next to her. “Ready, Denzel?” she asked, and he replied a bit louder, encouraged by her actions.

After they loaded up the car and said their goodbyes, Tifa joined Cloud inside.

“Phew!” she exclaimed. “I feel like I need a holiday after that. Oh – you did the dishes! Thanks, Cloud.”

“Want a beer?” Cloud asked, with a wry smile. “No glass, I already did the dishes.”

She laughed, hitting him with the dishcloth.

\---

Cloud woke up slowly, snuggling back into the broad, warm chest he was loosely held against. He stroked Sephiroth’s wrists gently with his thumbs as he listened to the other man’s slow, steady breathing, feeling his breath tickle through Cloud’s hair.

He watched the moonlight play on the wall, in long streaks from the blinds. He blinked, slowly waking up more. He didn’t have blinds. Cloud looked around, raising slightly to one elbow, as much as he could within the circle of Sephiroth’s arms. His eyes flicked to the sturdy wooden bedhead, the side table with one adventurous pot plant trailing on the ground, and a full length mirror, from which he could see his own bright blue eyes and tousled hair, and a sliver of Sephiroth’s smooth shoulder and waterfall of silver hair peeking out from the plush bedspread.

“Seph.” He said in a low voice, rough from sleep.

The other man made a sleepy noise and tightened his arms, pulling Cloud back down to his chest. Cloud was facing him this time, and looked at the other man’s face, smooth and unbothered in sleep.

He felt a little bad as he gently poked one pale cheek.

“Seph.”

“Mmm?” one eye parted, sleepily regarding his lover with a mako-green eye punctuated with a catlike slitted pupil. The effect was lost somewhat by Sephiroth’s sleepy state. “Did you wake up for sex? Mmm… okay. Just give me … one second.” He said in a still half asleep drawl as he trailed one lazy hand up Cloud’s thigh, leaned in to kiss the tip of Cloud’s nose, and then closed his eye again, and Cloud watched as he breathed out softly, seemingly fallen straight back to sleep again.

Cloud huffed.

“Seph!”

Sephiroth yawned right in his face.

“If you really want it, beg for it,” Sephiroth replied, refusing to open his eyes. He pulled Cloud tighter, pillowing his face on Cloud’s soft hair. “Otherwise I’m going back to sleep.”

“It’s not that!” Cloud blushed, pulling harder at the other man. “Wake up for a second, come on. Do you recognise this room?”

Sephiroth frowned as Cloud’s volume increased slightly, and fully opened his eyes now to see his lover staring down at him, disgruntled. He raised up slightly, looking around them.

“No.” Sephiroth blinked around him. “I don’t recognise this room. Do you?”

“No.” Cloud got out of bed now, his toes sinking into soft, plush carpet. He took a minute to consider the hardwood door before pushing it open, entering the next room. Sephiroth followed behind him, soft footsteps quiet in the early morning air.

Cloud entered into a large living area. The couch looked comfortable, and there were magazines and coffee cups on a coffee table. He could see the edges of photo frames on some shelves, but the moonlight shone brightly on the glass, blocking out any chance he had to see what was inside. He stepped onto the floorboards, quality wood and seamlessly connected. They reminded him of old Nibelheim construction, quality and practical work. Made to last.

Sephiroth walked past him, brushing his fingers lazily around Cloud’s waist as he walked past. He sauntered slowly towards the kitchen, and Cloud had a sudden memory of time spent in the long past, studying textbooks on Sephiroth’s kitchen island in his old Shinra apartment as the older man cooked up something delicious smelling. But this kitchen looked homely and inviting, not the modern white and grey sterile apartment from the past. He could imagine Sephiroth there, hair up, in an apron, cooking them something while Cloud watched.

He looked around more, eyes catching on a row of knickknacks on a bookshelf. He picked up one, a wooden chocobo statue which was clearly and endearingly hand-carved.

The whole place… it was so _comfortable._

“Is this what a home looks like?” Sephiroth asked suddenly, and Cloud found himself blinking across the room at the other man, who was holding a wooden spoon in one hand, looking sort of confused.

Cloud remembered, the thought slowly penetrating through his waking brain, that Sephiroth had had very little interaction with homely spaces like this. He was so used to bachelor SOLDIER apartments, labs, and other unloved areas. Surely… surely he had been inside a home like this before?

“Yeah.” Cloud answered, scanning the area again. Outside, he could hear the rustle of trees, dark branches visible through the window.

Something glinted silver in the moonlight, catching his eye, and Cloud turned to look.

Mounted against the far wall was a weapons rack, well-stacked. His eyes trawled across the shining metal. He could see his beloved Ultima Weapon, crystalline surface tinted a delicate blue. Below it hung a blade recognisable the world over, the seven-foot Masamune, cutting edge still sharp to a point that Cloud was intimately familiar with.

He turned, suddenly wide awake, to see Sephiroth looking at him inquisitively.

“Seph – you don’t think – it’s possible that this is our-”

And then he found himself awake with a start, breath caught in his throat as he stared up at the low roof in Seventh Heaven, alone except for Tifa sleeping on the next bed over.

\---

He spends quite a while pondering what the house means, and the logistics of whether or not he was in a dream inside a dream or not. Cloud thought he had finally got a handle on confusing messages from the lifestream, but it still managed to throw him for a loop every now and then. He pondered buying one of those tacky ‘meaning of your dreams’ books from the spiritual section of the bookstore, but doubted any of them would have the applicable ‘messages from the planet’ section.

Cloud glanced over his shoulder at Vincent, a few paces behind him, and wondered if he should ask the other man what thought. Vincent had been acting a bit odd since last time they ran into each other, and Cloud got the impression the older man was following him for some reason or another, but Vincent hadn’t quite told him why yet, and Cloud didn’t want to push so he endured the other man’s quiet presence over the past few days, as they read through the books and files from Nibelheim together, sorting them into ‘true’ and ‘false’ piles based on their collective knowledge of the planet’s history. The lengths Hojo had gone to construct the last part of his plan were honestly astounding, and Cloud’s eyes blurred as he read over another near-identical volume, this one again claiming Jenova as a Cetra.

He closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose.

The vibration of his phone in his pocket brought a distraction, and Cloud turned the screen on to view the message, as he got up to pour another cup of coffee.

**Yuffie:** Hay I hear you and VV are like bffs now

He smiled at the screen, wondering how Yuffie had gotten that information.

**Cloud:** yeah we hang out

He angled the phone to capture a selfie, and then called Vincent’s name. The other man looked up and he took a photo. The space between the two of them gave Vincent an unfortunately creepy vibe, making it look like he was following Cloud at a distance. He sent Yuffie the photo.

**Yuffie:** Lol nice bodyguard and/ or stalker?

“What was that?” Vincent asked, bemused.

“Yuffie wanted to know what we were up to.” Cloud explained.

“Hm.” Vincent thought for a second. “Can you please tell her I don’t understand the images she’s been sending me?”

**Cloud:** PS stop sending Vincent memes he doesn’t get it

**Yuffie:** sksksksk an I oop

**Cloud:** Srsly rub your 2 brain cells together and remember he’s old

**Yuffie:** big talk from the resident himbo

**Cloud:** Cyberbullying is a crime and I will get you arrested

**Yuffie:** I’m royalty bitch, diplomatic immunity.

**Yuffie:** PS come visit me, im BORED

**Yuffie:** WE EAT BORGER

**Cloud:** I’ll visit but want ramen not burger.

**Yuffie:** UGH

**Yuffie:** ya ok

**Cloud:** ok I’m doing important shit now but later?

**Yuffie:** kk

“Does it feel like we’re getting anywhere?” Cloud asked him, tucking the phone back into his pocket.

Vincent closed the book he was reading, placing it down with the same smooth deliberate of all of his actions. He shook his head, tangled black hair shaking slightly.

“I feel like the cause of our current problems will not be found in these fake history books.”

Cloud sighed, leaning against the small fridge in the WRO office space they occupied.

“I didn’t want to but… I have a feeling we need to head back to Midgar and investigate this a bit deeper.”

Vincent nodded, face serious.

“Shall we?”

\---

Every time he sees Midgar, it takes his breath away. Cloud remembers the first time, one of the few memories that was still as vivid, despite the murky depths of his mind. If he closed his eyes, he could remember how it felt, watching the glimmering city of glass and steel appear on the horizon. Then, it had been a bright and shining future, an exciting mako-green city far away from the oppressive and small town he hated. He had been so full of hope for a new beginning, a chance to make something of himself. As the airship crests the mountain line, he sees it again, and it still causes his breath to catch. Midgar still glitters in the twilight, but it reflects off twisted steel beams and shattered windows, catching the light even from this far away. Meteor had crushed it as easily as Cloud could crush the scale model, leaving it a twisted monument to Shinra, Sephiroth, and to the scar on the world.

He closed his eyes on the sight, feeling the wind whip his hair against his face as he leaned over the balcony of the Highwind. The airship came down carefully in the wasteland next to Midgar, avoiding the occupied side of the abandoned city as to not bother any stragglers still living in Edge.

He walked back into the cabin of the ship, to disembark with Vincent. Cid waved them off cheerily, offering to pick the two of them up when they were done.

Cloud and Vincent picked through the ruins of Midgar, carefully making their way above plate to the Shinra building. It was more of a hassle to take a vehicle in that could fit the both of them, so the journey was easier on foot, even if it was time consuming.

The entrance to Deepground was unconcealed and still blown open from the organization’s recent resurfacing. Cloud eyed it suspiciously, noting tracks but nothing that looked recent. Vincent climbed to the edge of the entrance, surveying it carefully.

“No activity. Shall we go in?”

They proceeded deeper in, finding a serviceable elevator to take them down to the core of Deepground operations.

Cloud and Vincent stood in silence in the elevator, which squeaked quietly as it wheeled them down.

“Cloud?” the other man said suddenly, shifting slightly.

Cloud turned to face him, with a slight ‘hm?’ eyes catching on Vincent’s piercing red eyes. Vincent looked slightly uncomfortable, which was rare to see in the aloof man.

The silence dragged on for a while, as they maintained a tense eye contact. Cloud could feel the edge of whatever it was Vincent had been building up to hanging in the air between them.

Finally, _finally,_ Vincent opened his mouth to say his piece, and at that moment the elevator stopped with an ominous _thunk_ on the metal platform.

“…shall we?” Vincent swept off before Cloud, leaving the other man to follow him, blinking with the loss of tension as the moment dissipated.

They scanned the facility easily, clearing the rooms with a practiced efficiency. Cloud noted the ease with which Vincent used his Turk skills to scout the area, a vast difference to exploring with other, _louder_ members of AVALANCHE who lacked a certain touch of subtlety.

They commented briefly on the clear recent activity in the facility, but the area was vacant, although some computers and machinery was still up and running. Cloud wondered if this was causing the signal to be sent, and shut down everything he could, as he gathered hard drives from the machines and Vincent collected up any physical files he could find.

Cloud sighed as they finished up with the more office-looking area of Deepground, heading back out into the main area. Only some sprawling warehouse type structures and a maze of hanging platforms, service areas, and storage areas.

“So… if they’re not here… where have they gone? And why?” Cloud mused, only half to Vincent.

The other man looked around, red eyes sharp.

“We don’t know how many were left down here after the attack. A smaller force could be hiding anywhere,” he answered.

Cloud nodded, then headed towards the area they hadn’t been in yet.

“Well, I guess we better check the whole place out, or - ”

He was interrupted by a monstrous roar coming from one of the warehouses. Cloud glanced at the other man, and they headed over to that area.

Bashing noises grew louder, and Cloud opened a roller door to see the inside of this warehouse set up like a lab, full of bulky medical equipment and large machine parts. Cloud’s insides rolled as his eyes flicked over the sight, but he quickly focused on the noise. A large Behemoth was pushing inside this room from a connecting area, its large shoulders caught in the frame of the entrance and shaking the structure as it pushed its way in. Judging by the large scars on its forearms, nodes sticking out of its skull and broken shackles on the feet, Cloud very quickly judged that the creature was an escaped Deepground experiment trying to get out. He felt a pang of sympathy for the creature and wondered it had been abandoned down here to die.

Any sympathy went out the window as the Behemoth caught sight of the two of them and roared, finally bringing down part of the building on it. Cloud and Vincent scattered to avoid fallen debris.

“We can’t fight in here!” Cloud shouted, making a break for the entrance they came in from just as the Behemoth appeared from under a pile of debris and hurled a large metal pylon at his head. Cloud dodged, sliding under a metal operating table. The room was chaotic and packed full of potential targets.

In his peripherals, he could see Vincent leap out and fire off a few shots with Death Penalty, causing the creature to roar out in anger as it reared up.

“Exit’s blocked,” Vincent replied, glancing back at where they had come in.

Cloud stood up and immediately ducked again as an industrial fridge was heaved their way, and the entire building shuddered as it hit the wall. He watched cracks in the pre-fabricated concrete rapidly expand.

“Might not be a problem anymore!” Cloud replied, pulling himself back under the table. “Get under cover!”

He waited for Vincent’s head to disappear and nodded as the other man yelled ‘Clear!’.

With that, Cloud cast Shield on both of them, then levelled a well aimed Comet at the breaking wall. It brought down their side of the warehouse with a loud crash, and before they knew it the entire warehouse had been destroyed, a small mountain of rubble left on the platform of Deepground proper.

Cloud leapt into action, easily hopping over the debris without being caught. He reached the stumbling Behemoth and in one smooth motion pulled the puzzle sword off his holster and swung it two-handed into the side of the creature’s neck. It roared in anger, bucking, but Cloud backed up and dodged under the large horns, clear of Vincent’s steady fire. He watched the creature with care, aware that in this state it was possible it would trigger into Flare soon.

The creature shook angrily, stomping one large foot. Cloud yelled out in surprise as the unsteady ground moved, and a large industrial stand light shifted, rising up and then falling in his direction, nearly catching him underneath. Cloud twisted to avoid it, but the Bahamut was upon him and Cloud found himself falling back under the creature, raising his sword to block one powerful horn attack. He twisted the blade to catch the underbelly of the monster, regretting the spray of monster blood that rewarded his attack on the creature.

As he rolled to the side, Cloud caught a familiar roar as he caught a flash of red above him. He rolled under the beast’s underbelly as it growled in response, finally rising to see Chaos latched onto the Bahamut’s face, large talons clawing the creature’s eyes mouth.

Cloud cast a quick, substantial Ice spell, encasing the four legs firmly on the floor and holding the Behemoth in place. He took the opportunity to leap forward again, cutting into the creature with a powerful wind-up, which took a large chunk out of the other side of the beast’s neck. It struggled, dropping down to its knees underneath the weight of the combined attacks. He pulled an Ultima spell down through his sword as he hit the same location again, feeling the spine separate as the creature collapsed with a large noise.

Chaos disengaged, moving with a strange, unnerving liquidity that Cloud could never get used to.

“Hey, Chaos.” Cloud greeted the demon, awkwardly. “Are you two ok?”

“Clouuud.” The creature said in reply, a drawn out hiss, and then melted away, leaving Vincent Valentine crouching in the rubble.

Cloud made his way over. Vincent was just as covered in dust and monster blood as Cloud knew he was, and accepted his arm up easily.

Vincent regarded him solemnly.

“We must look terrible.” He noted.

“Yeah,” Cloud laughed slightly. “So much for our reputation, huh? Let’s finish up and get out of here.”

The rest of the Deepground facility was much the same, but they stepped more carefully. There were several other monsters in cages trapped in the labs, and Vincent put them down with precise shots. Cloud found and destroyed any remaining lab equipment, including draining the tubes of stored fluids straight onto the ground, to drip away uselessly.

They headed back to the elevator with a sense of dissatisfaction, having not found anything of immediate use to the current situation.

Cloud picked at a hole in his jumper, ripped in the fight, as he felt Vincent’s gaze back on him.

“Cloud,” he said, and Cloud felt a sense of déjà vu.

Cloud waited patiently for the other man to continue.

“I have been thinking a lot about what you told me last time we talked. I had a few things to think about, so I apologise for that.”

Vincent shifted slightly.

“We know far too many who have had truly tragic, painful lives. It seems to me, that in his own way, Sephiroth was also a victim of Hojo. He did not have many allies in this world.”

Cloud hummed in reply.

“Cloud, I have reasons to believe that Sephiroth was my son.”

“What?” Cloud exclaimed softly, staring at the other man. “That you –?”

“I can’t say definitely.” Vincent replied. “But… there is a distinct possibility.”

He reeled at Vincent’s words, bracing against the safety railing.

“I never had an opportunity to meet him, not properly. But if he was worthy of your affection, then he must have been a truly special person. I am glad, Cloud, That he had you. I had shut myself away, to deal with my own sins, and abandoned him to the world. But he was still cared for. That truly… warms my heart.”

Cloud blinked at him.

“To that end, I have to thank you from the bottom of my heart. It may never make up for my inaction, but I am in this world now, to make any good change I can manage. If there is anything you require, Cloud, please do not hesitate to let me know.”

Vincent slowly but tenderly laid his human hand on Cloud’s shoulder.

“Ahh…” Cloud wasn’t sure what to say. “Thank you… I appreciate your friendship.”

They walked back to the airship in a content silence, only to be made fun of Cid at the state they were both in. It took Cloud raising his voice to convince the pilot that they _didn’t_ need to be hosed down before boarding.

\---

_“What are you watching?”_

_“Nothing interesting, come join me?” Sephiroth reached out to the smaller boy, and Cloud took a seat between his parted legs happily._

_Sephiroth looped an arm around his waist, leaning his head into Cloud’s hair. It was still wet from the shower, and smelled like Sephiroth’s own shampoo._

_“Don’t tell the Silver Elite what brand I use, ok?” he murmured into the crown of his head._

_Cloud laughed, leaning back to capture his lips in a gentle peck. It felt like a dream that they could be here, like this. He still couldn’t believe that he had ended up dating Sephiroth. More than that, he couldn’t believe how easy it had all fallen together, how their defences fell when they were alone._

_“Of course not,” he replied. “I want to keep all your secrets to myself.”_

_Sephiroth reached a hand around to pull Cloud’s face closer again, for a deeper kiss._

_“I want to keep you all to myself,” he told Cloud matter of factly. “Can I keep you?”_

_“Only until tomorrow night,” Cloud laughed. “You get me for the weekends, remember?”_

_“Mmm.” Sephiroth. “Well, then I better make the most of it. Did you want popcorn while we watch the movie?”_

_“Duh.”_

Cloud blinked up at the ceiling, waking up with the ghost of a memory in the back of his head. Had it really been so easy between them? He thought back on that Cloud Strife, how carefree he seemed to be. Cloud couldn’t remember how it felt to be so unburdened. He envied that easy life. Cloud sighed and closed his eyes, thinking of the files, still sealed, in the other room, of a mysterious threat taking power somewhere on the planet, and of a ghost that haunted his bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didn't proofread dont come for me


	6. Tea and Trauma

Chapter 6

-

The days passed slowly. Sephiroth spent more nights in his bed then Cloud spent alone, and he felt the absence of the other man more keenly on those times. He slept well, deeply and uninterrupted, and woke up feeling more refreshed. He was surprised at how obvious it had been to his friends who had commented on it. Cloud knew that whatever this was, this weird gift the lifestream had given him, it had pulled him out of a dark place that he had been sliding into.

They had discussed the meaning of the house, but Sephiroth was a logical man who didn't have much time for metaphor or puzzle and had no leads on the matter. Cloud still had a feeling it meant _something_ because they normally slept in his bed, despite one or two times they had been in the bedroom of old, but he was still thinking about it and didn't dare put into words what his thought process was. He was still pondering, thinking about what he could do next.

But as Sephiroth's fingers trailed up Cloud’s smooth, muscular thigh, pulling his leg higher, his breath hitched and Cloud’s mind was far away from the issue. He leaned in to Sephiroth's touch, turning his head as the older man pressed hot kisses down his neck, and let himself be thoroughly distracted.

-

Cloud accepted his cup of tea with a polite ‘thank you', wrapping his hands around the warm cup, and waited for Cid to join them at the table. Next to him, Vincent sat quietly with his own mug. They had headed out to the Rocket Town area to investigate some reports of monster sightings, but wouldn't avoid visiting Cid and Shera's home, although she was out at the time.

Cid sat down with a large sigh, exaggerating the movement to make himself seem far older and more creaky than a man in his mid thirties.

“So you had a dream from the lifestream and you think it's some sort of fucking... message?”

“Yeah, something like that,” He had of course left out the more personal details, for the others benefit.

“why can't it just be a normal ass dream? Why do you assume it means something?” Cid asked, leaning back in the wooden dining chair.

“It was definitely not a normal dream,” Cloud explained, “I could sense that it was from the lifestream, and the Planet doesn't normally talk to me so I knew there was something special.”

“Was there anything out of the ordinary in this situation that might be a clue?” Vincent asked smoothly, fixing his piercing red eyes on the blonde.

“No.” Cloud lied after a second, hoping his hesitation didn't give him away. Vincent’s eyes didn’t leave him, and he very carefully avoided looking at the other man as Cid hummed loudly.

“Well I don't fucking know, can't you give us anything to work with here?”

Cloud pondered the question carefully.

“hmm. It made me feel.... Happy. I felt like I was at home.” He said softly, gazing out the window to the grassy fields outside, brightly lit in the early afternoon sun.

“Maybe the planet wants you to find somewhere you feel at home.” Vincent said suddenly, still looking at Cloud.

Cid laughed into his tea.

“Maybe Aerith is telling you to settle the fuck down and stop working so damn hard!”

Cloud contemplated the idea. He couldn't remember the last time he had a place he thought about as 'home'. His apartment just felt like a hotel in terms of how often he was there and how impersonal the space was, and he spent a lot of his time pinging around the planet, staying with his friends and helping around with various activities. Owning a home was far from unachievable from him, being a Gillionaire, and in fact he did own that house in Costa Del Sol, but the thought of just somewhere like his apartment but bigger didn't really appeal to him.

Just another place to look after, somewhere to go home and shower and sleep alone didn't really appeal to him. But that place in his dreams.... It had felt comfortable. It had felt like somewhere he could curl up on a couch with someone and feel at ease. A home? What had Sephiroth said to him again?

_“is this what a home looks like?”_

He remembered the two swords mounted on the wall. A place to share with Sephiroth... That thought filled his chest with warmth, a secret happiness heating him from the inside.

_But Sephiroth's dead._

“Cloud?” Vincent asked with concern, and Cloud realised he had been silent for a while now.

“Oh... Sorry.” He apologized.

“head in the clouds, hey?” Cid guffawed.

“Hm.” He tilted his head slightly, still caught in thought. “maybe I do need to settle the fuck down.”

“that's the fucking spirit! Well then, we gotta find this house!”

“I don't know where it is, though.” Cloud answered mildly. “It was night and I couldn't tell where we – I was.”

Cloud tensed, knowing full well that Vincent caught his slip. He met the other man’s eyes full on, willing Vincent to not say anything. He knew the other man suspected something, although to what extent the man’s Turk sharpness had figured the whole thing out. _Cid wouldn't take it so well, please don't tell him._

“Who is to say you have to find this perfect home” Vincent said, slowly. “But just make it a home.”

“Oh, like a – like a metaphor?” Cid interjected.

“is that – is that what a metaphor is?” Cloud blinked at him.

“What, like you’d know? Did you even graduate high school?” Cid barked out, just an inch away from defensiveness.

“Oh no, I actually don't know. I was asking you.”

Vincent looked back and forth at the two of them.

“Are you quite right?”

“Ha! Yeah, so what our vampire friend is saying is that you have to make your home!”

“So I just have to pick the right place... And just build it. Hmm.” Cloud pondered.

“you've had some practice building houses, at least.” Vincent justified. “Didn't you make all those houses for the refugees?”

“I did miss building stuff,” he mused. “it was really nice to make things instead of just killing and blowing stuff out.”

“And of course your long suffering friends will be there to help you out!” Cid grinned, clearly relishing the idea of getting his hands dirty.

“So you just have to pick the right place, Cloud.” Vincent said. “It seems we might be travelling around to find the remaining Deepground troops, so you can keep an eye out then.”

Cloud nodded, even as he noted the ease with which Vincent had inserted himself into Cloud's ongoing plans to find and destroy the enemy force. _I guess he was pretty serious about wanting to support me._

“Sounds like a plan!” Cid exclaimed loudly, slamming a hand on the table. “now while I got ya here, can you explain to me what these 'memes' are that I keep seeing?”

Vincent nodded, leaning in.

“I also require explanation. The images Yuffie has been posting in our instant communication channel are growing increasingly incomprehensible.”

Cloud sighed.

“okay. Well first off, it's pronounced meem-“

-

Cloud dallied in his own apartment, wiping down the grey slate counter for the second time. He had set himself one task today, and he was going get to it.... Eventually.

He eyed the large, dog eared manilla folder with trepidation. He wanted to read it in theory, to understand what had happened to his body. He wanted to be in full control of that knowledge, having been hurt too many times in his past by information used against him, or lies created to confuse, limit or hurt him.

And although it was Hojo that had tried to convince Cloud that the scientist had created him in an attempt to hurt and disable Cloud, he doubted the doctor would lie in his own medical files that were not meant for anyone else. Besides, Hojo had told Cloud himself how inconsequential he believed the blonde to be (and Cloud held a small amount of pride in knowing he could not in any way shape or form be considered unimportant, without even being vain about it) so he doubted Hojo would have any reason to say anything but the truth in the medical log.

But as much as he wanted to know, he was scared.

He had terrible dreams sometimes, scenes dyed mako-green and cruelly sharp. He had no way of knowing which were real, and which were not.

At least if he knew.... He would have the power of the knowledge and not let his cruel imagination torture him.

He glanced at the file again in the peripheral, like it was a dangerous beast he needed to keep an eye on.

_Stop being stupid. Knowledge can't hurt you._

He had a sudden memory of Sephiroth, deep within the Shinra mansion, slowly going insane as he took in Hojo's lies as easily as air.

_Ok. Maybe knowledge can hurt._

He knew that wasn’t going to happen. He had a tough enough grip on his humanity and was fully aware of the alien cells lying latent within him. _No surprises in that category, hopefully...._

He made a cup of tea, milky, sweet and comforting, and dragged himself over to the dining table.

Taking a seat, he eyed the file with trepidation.

‘Specimen B, Nibelheim' it said, scrawled in thick careless marker

He dragged his eyes over the Manila folder. It was worn, dog eared, and marked with many stains, including one coffee ring, and blood splatters. He reached out and ran his fingers across the rough cover, reaching for the elastic band holding the file together. Surprisingly, it disintegrated in his fingers, clearly degraded from years of disuse.

Cloud flipped the folder open and a mess of handwritten notes and photos spilled out at the release of pressure in the overflowing folder. The file was full to bursting of pages bound together and miscellaneous documents.

He tentatively picked up one of the Polaroids that had fallen out. It was dated and annotated in scratchy writing, and Cloud looked at the photo to see a pale torso, strapped tightly to an operating table. The arms were clearly straining against their bonds, and the chest was butterflied open, the flesh pinned back to reveal the red, red insides of a still living body, straining to function whilst laid open.

Cloud could recognise his body anywhere, even with the photo cut off at the neck. He could tell, from the lack of muscles that he had not yet been imbued with a significant amount of mako at this point, and was definitely awake and aware of what was happening to him judging by the stress in every line of his body.

He felt the shadow of the pain now, looking at the photo, even if he was aware that he had been in that position, or variations on it, several times.

He set aside the photo carefully, picking up a note instead.

‘Specimen B shows promising responses to Jenova cells. Disappointing in many other regards.’ The note wasn’t dated.

Frustrated, he shook the file bodily, spilling out all the loose documents and leaving him holding only the papers bound into the Manila folder.

_Let's start at the start._

‘Specimen A and B have somehow managed to defeat Sephiroth, ruining hard years of planning for the Jenova project. This action suggests that Sephiroth, once regarded as my magnum opus, may be inferior if he was defeated by a mere SOLDIER and unenchanced trooper. These two may hold the raw potential to be greater than Sephiroth and bring about the Reunion. Although Sephiroth’s defeat represents billions of Gil and countless years wasted, there may be hope yet.’

Cloud squinted at the scratchy writing, taking in Hojo’s notes. He really thought he could turn Cloud into the next Sephiroth? Well.... It hadn’t been completely untrue.

He flicked through a few pages, stopping a few pages in where Hojo had documented in his scratchy writing what he had injected into his specimen, records of Mako and J-Cell injections, by day.

He read on as the dosages started small and ramped up increasingly, over a short period of time. _No wonder I had been Mako sick for so long..._

He flipped forward a few pages, catching words that jumped out to him.

‘suitable for sephiroth clone'

'responsive to reunion'

'sense of Id seems weak'

‘prone to aggression'

‘failure to pass basic tests'

‘highly susceptible to Jenova effects on memory manipulation and implantation'

'failure to achieve J-Cell integration with other subjects'

'weak to Mako'

‘unclear how specimen defeated Sephiroth. Clearly just a fluke that has ultimately wasted significant resources.’

‘specimen B is ultimately a disappointment'

He flicked through pages and pages of notes on experiments conducted on him. The things described seemed torturous and pointless. He saw more photos of his insides than he ever had whilst fighting. The file was fat. The majority of these things he had no memory of.

Cloud felt cold with the knowledge that the memories that haunted him were only the tip of the iceberg for what his body was put through. This entire file of things done to his unresponsive body, laid bare and used like a tool, all without his knowledge.

He picked up more photos, looking at with a growing sense of despair.

A series of photos showed his arms, strapped down, the bones snapped and poking clean through the skin. Multiple times, the photos documented, to test the healing time of the breaks.

Photos of mako drips, connected directly into permanent ports in his limbs. He ran a shaking finger over the crook of his arm, feeling the thick scar there, and he could almost feel the mako boiling in his veins, the ghost of it pouring into his body with the familiar burning feeling.

He could feel himself shaking, felt like he could feel the hazy veil being pulled over his mind of the mako sickness setting in, a feeling he was intimately familiar with and had fought uselessly against before.

_Failure_

With shaking hands, he picked up one photo which showed his face, recognisable except the blank expression and vacant, glowing eyes. Bright Green. An unidentifiable hand propped his lolling head up, turning it towards the camera.

'heavy onset of mako sickness. Specimen unlikely to recover. Unresponsive to J.’

Cloud stood suddenly, chair clattering onto the floor, and then fell again, reaching up to the table with one hand and somehow knocking over his tea, which met him on the floor in a cold puddle as he collapsed, shaking and reaching for his head

_Failure. Puppet._

_Fluke_

He lay on the floor, shivering, breathing raggedly. He couldn't breathe. _He couldn't breathe!_ Every breath was mako, filling his lungs, drowning him, pulling him under.

He remembered, in the haze, someone promising to help him. Someone who understood.

Cloud struggled to rise and snagged his phone off the table.

He sent a quick text to Vincent.

'help'

That's all the could manage.

Vincent called back a moment later, or maybe a year later. He couldn't tell.

“Cloud. Are you ok? Cloud?”

Cloud took a second to remember how to speak, and when he did it was with a heavy tongue, slurring the words.

“... Can you come.... Help?”

“where are you?”

“Junon.... Apartment.”

He heard Vincent swear, a rare event in itself.

“Cloud I'm about four hours away. Can I get someone else to come help you? What's wrong?”

Cloud’s voice sounded far away in his ears as he replied. He felt himself spiralling away, losing grip.

“.... I just .... I was reading the file and.... ...wanted to talk to you about it. But I’m ok” he said, stuttering the words out.

He knew he was not convincing in the least, but nothing he could say would make Vincent teleport.

“I'm going to send someone to go help you.”

_No!_

“No.... Please.....I don't want anyone to .... To see me like this. Please” cloud begged, feeling himself fading away. He felt like a piece of paper, burning up in the fire of Nibelheim, becoming ash and dispersing into the wind.

He heard Vincent reply, but didn't comprehend what he was saying.

He was strapped down, secure leather straps holding him down, trapping him and leaving him vulnerable. He was deathly aware of how exposed and at risk he was.

He lay prone on the ground for what felt like an age.

 _I'm not in the labs_ he fought to remember, the thought failing to cut through the fog in his mind, but he clung to the thought and pulled himself, crawling, against his restraints, towards the bedroom.

He felt the straps pull and resist, but he grunted, putting in a gargantuan effort to reach his bed, and somehow managed to get up and under the covers.

He felt safer in his bed, a small voice of logic telling him that there was nothing this soft and fluffy in the labs, and an even smaller, younger voice telling him he was safe from monsters under the covers.

He curled up, closing his eyes.

He didn't react when He felt hands on his arms, sliding down and unbuckling the straps that weren't on his arms, unplugging the IV drip that wasn’t attached to his veins, pushing away the bright lights and scalpel and banishing the green. Sephiroth held him close, rubbing him with soothing hands, as Cloud floated in a half-conscious daze. He pushed Cloud’s shaking fists open, rubbing at the crescent moons indented in his palms from his fingernails.

That's how Vincent found him four hours later, when he burst in and found Cloud still curled up in the bed alone, no longer shaking but still barely there. Vincent sat with him, kept him anchored, and gave him two small pills that pulled him into a dreamless sleep.

He woke up hours later, feeling a lot more stable but still shakey. After he apologized to Vincent for honestly thinking he could get through that alone.

They ate toast made from bread in the freezer (the last edible thing in the apartment), made a pot of coffee, then went out of town and cleaned out an entire section of the Mythril Mines from monsters.

Then they returned to Cloud’s small apartment, cleaned up again, and slowly, logically and methodically worked through the file.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any similarities between this scene and corvidkohai's Let's Try This One More Time is purely coincidental! Although that is an excellent fic and you should read it.


	7. The Beach Episode

Chapter 7

Cloud leaned back, surveying the map one more time. The planet was reflected in front of him, pinned up on the board, key points marked up. They had scoured Shinra’s information to find the location of all infrastructure, no matter how little, and marked that up, including the few reports they had received of strangers in strange uniforms or suspicious behavior. It… wasn’t much to go on.

Midgar stood central to the map, and Deepground could have escaped in any direction, including south and west if they left the City in the opposite direction of Edge and circled around. The eastern continent was unfortunately vast, generally uninhabited, and contained a lot of sparse forest to hide in, particularly close to the cliffs and the mines.

And they hadn’t even got good enough intel to suggest that Deepground hadn’t headed out over the water, which meant that really… they had no idea where to start.

He sighed.

Behind him, perched on a desk, Shelke was typing rapidly into her computer, searching for heat signatures or electronic activity. There simply wasn’t enough manpower to scan the entire continent, much less the planet, not to speak of the lack of available technology.

On another desk, Vincent was picking carefully through their piles of collected research, hoping to find something the other two hadn’t, applying his practiced Turk logic to find patterns, no matter how hidden.

Between the three of them and their piles of data, they had well and truly taken over the meeting room. Cloud had permanently flipped the door tag over to ‘occupied’ and luckily enough his reputation was enough to leave them undisturbed.

Cloud looked back at his board. All he needed were a few more pins, maybe some torn pieces of paper, and he could truly believe he was going crazy. He resisted the urge to pull at his hair in frustration. _Not crazy._ He picked up the marker again, hovering over Midgar.

His concentration was interrupted when Reeve burst through the meeting room door, juggling several take-out bags, and Cait Sith for some reason. He gently placed them down at the table, standing up the robotic cat and spreading out the containers.

“Hey everyone! How’s it going? I uhh brought lunch!” He said, beaming at the group. Three bemused people silently looked back.

“Right, I knew all of you would have forgotten to eat. Dig in!”

“Thanks,” Cloud said hesitantly, coming around to snag some food.

“How’s it all going here? You guys having fun?”

“I do not know if it is appropriate to have fun whilst searching for a potential threat to the continued existence of humanity.” Shelke responded, in her matter of fact way. “However, it is… exciting to work on a project together. With my friends.” She added the second part a bit fast, as if hesitant.

Vincent caught her eye, and nodded just slightly. She smiled shyly in return, tucking her head down.

Cloud caught the exchange in the corner of his eye, and cheered at the sight of the younger girl trying to come out of her shell.

Reeve snagged a container, wandering around the room and staring at their organized piles of books, papers, and printouts.

“It looks kind of fun,” he remarked, a hint of longing in his voice.

“Don’t you have enough to do?” Cloud asked him.

“Well, this is way more interesting than what I’m working on! So … maybe I’m hiding from my secretary. Just a little bit.”

He wandered around a bit more, stopping at the pile of fake books Hojo had written to mislead Sephiroth in Nibelheim. They had read through all of them, but the books were full of half-truths and outright lies, and were useless.

“You know, if I was Hojo I would have had more fun with writing fake books,” Reeve remarked. “You know, like writing them under fake names like ‘Joe King’ or ‘Dick Tate’! Now that’s funny!”

Shelke stared at him, blankly.

On the desk, Cait Sith powered up suddenly, shocking the other three in the room. He burst into maniacal laughter at his creator, who was beaming, the expression out of place above his groomed facial hair.

“That’s … base humor, Reeve.” Shelke finally remarked.

“It’s dad humor! A revered institution! You should have some respect!” he defended.

“At least it’s not a pun.” Vincent deadpanned.

“What, like ‘Miles A. Head?’ that could have been good … you know, because it was part of a plan!” Reeve trickled off, still beaming.

Cloud groaned, reaching over to push over Cait Sith, who was holding its stomach in a faux belly laugh. The cat regained it’s balance at the last minute, with an outraged ‘hey!’ in it’s strange accent.

They settled down, and ate in silence for a little bit.

“So, Cloud?” Reeve said after a while.

Cloud hummed in acknowledgement, as the other man continued.

“You’re coming to the fundraising ball, right?”

“Uhhh….” Cloud averted his eyes. “Well, no.”

“Oh come on! You have to come. People love you – you did so great at the speech!”

“What do we even need to fundraise for?”

“Well… Eventually we might spend all of Shinra’s money. We need to change the attitude of the upper crust who still hold a lot of power over the continents, before we reach that point. Everyone needs to be on board to make the planet a better place.” Reeve explained.

The other three were silent, Cloud stunned at the realization that he hadn’t even considered that they were operating on limited funding, even if that horizon was a long way away. He was also impressed that Reeve had even considered a backup plan, and the future goals. Despite all his laughing and lame jokes, Reeve was a competent leader.

“Can’t we just… force them?” He asked hesitantly.

“No! This is peace time!” Reeve groaned. “Listen, I get it – I’m a nerd! I don’t love socializing, but I just fake being good at it to get it done.”

Shelke blinked up at the older man. “That’s … that’s an option?”

Cloud shifted uncomfortably. “I mean – you know you haven’t tricked any of us into thinking you were cool, right?”

“Aww.” Reeve pouted slightly.

“I mean – you play with robots.” He continued.

“Awww… you got me there. So, you’re coming, right?”

Cloud looked at Vincent for help, but the older man just raised one thin eyebrow at him.

“Yuffie’s going! Don’t you want to keep her company?”

“I’ll think about it.” Cloud sighed.

“That’s the spirit!” Reeve grinned.

The meeting room cracked open suddenly, and Reeve’s secretary’s head peered around the corner.

“Mr. Director, sir! There you are! You’re half an hour late for your meeting!” She sounded frazzled, and reached in to grab at Reeve.

“I uh --- guess I gotta go then!” Reeve ran out the door before she could pull him bodily out of the room.

Cloud, Vincent and Shelke shared one long, silent look, before they went back to eating their lunch in comfortable peace.

\-----

Cloud breathed slowly, feeling soft and relaxed in Sephiroth’s arms. The other man was quiet behind him, chin tucked over Cloud’s head. In his half asleep haze, he marvelled at how well they fit together, like two halves of a whole.

“Coming home to you is my favourite part of the day,” he murmured, shifting gently.

Sephiroth rubbed Cloud’s arm gently. “It’s the only part of my day,” he replied.

Cloud stilled. “Where do you go when we’re not together?”

“Nowhere. I’m with here, or I’m nowhere.”

“What does it feel like when you’re not here?”

Sephiroth snorted. “Nothing. I don’t know how to explain it, Cloud. I’m just, not.”

Cloud reached up, touching Sephiroth’s chin gently, nearly poking him in the eye in the process.

“Is that ok?”

“I’m extremely happy for the time we have together, Cloud. But… it would be nice to have more of a life with you than just being in your dreams.”

“What do you want?” Cloud asked slowly, not daring to turn and look at him. “Do you want to … come back to life?”

“A second chance,” Sephiroth mused. “I’m not sure I would be deserving of such a thing, and especially unsure your friends would allow it of me.”

“People are more forgiving than you might realise.” Cloud told him, softly.

“Well, I suppose it doesn’t matter, because this here is what I have been gifted with.” He pressed his face to the crown of Cloud’s head, and he could feel him breathing deep.

Cloud shifted in his arms, turning around so he could face Sephiroth. He took the other man’s face gently in his hands.

“I’m surprised that the great General himself dreams so little.” He said, softly.

Sephiroth chuckled, a low, rich noise that rumbled through both of their bodies.

“I’m used to having my constraints. In life, Shinra was in prison. Now my prison is… in bed with you. At least Shinra fed me.”

“Hey!” Cloud protested. “This is high quality bedding! Hardly a prison!” Cloud snagged a pillow and whacked Sephiroth soundly with it.

For a long moment, the older man stared at him, seemingly shocked Cloud had done that.

Then he reached under his head and grabbed his own pillow, hitting Cloud back. The younger man rolled with the attack, emerging in the middle of the bed where he raised to his knees and pretended to suffocate Sephiroth under the pillow. The other man lifted one long leg and shoved Cloud with it. He grabbed Sephiroth’s leg and kept him rolling, using the momentum to throw the other man off the bed with a loud thud, taking the comforter with him and a mess of sheets. Sephiroth reached up and snagged Cloud by the arm, dragging him down and flipping him under his body, trapping him under his body.

Cloud reached up, pulling Sephiroth’s cascading hair out of his face and then back down with one hand, trapping the other man’s mouth in a searing, open mouthed kiss.

Sephiroth ran his hands up the defined divot of Cloud’s sternum, feeling the soft skin over hard muscles. One hand came to rest cupping Cloud’s fine jawbone, whilst the other went back down to rip his soft sleep pants off.

Cloud’s legs wrapped around the other man’s torso, one foot trying to gain enough traction to push Sephiroth’s boxers down and out of the way, as they pressed their bodies together in a heated crush. 

They eventually made it back on top of the mattress, but after Sephiroth had fallen asleep in their pile of tangled limbs Cloud lay there, thinking about the other man’s words.

He needed to try harder, for Sephiroth’s sake. Maybe even for their sake. He was sure that he could solve this puzzle.

\-------

Yuffie looked at Cloud from her position on the other side of the large door. Every line in her body screamed tension, a coiled warrior ready to pounce.

“I’m not sure I’m prepared to face this enemy,” She told Cloud earnestly, brows furrowed.

“At least you’re trained for this,” Cloud answered her, his own face a mask of discomfort.

“Just because I _can_ doesn’t mean I _want to_ ,” she hissed across at him.

“Well, maybe we could-”

Cloud was rudely interrupted by Reeve approaching.

“You two! Are you hiding! Really?” he admonished.

“We’re not hiding.” Yuffie pouted. “We’re … preparing for battle.”

Reeve groaned, and grasped both of their arms tightly, resisting the two of them struggling.

“Come _on_!” He dragged the two through the doors and into the ballroom.

Cloud took one sweeping look at the room. Suits, big shiny hair, and uncomfortable shoes was all he could see. He shifted slightly in his own tight dress shoes. Even he knew he wouldn’t get away with combat boots here.

Reeve pushed them bodily in the room, turning suddenly when he was immediately roped into a conversation with a tanned looking older man. Cloud recalled seeing him at the Gold Saucer once, and admired how easily Reeve turned on his ‘professional’ mode, a far cry from the nerdy, awkward man they knew.

Yuffie sighed, grasping the sleeve of Cloud’s suit jacket with a surprisingly harsh grip.

“C’mmon, let’s go get some snacks. I mean,” and she affected a haughty voice. “Hors d'oeuvres.”

“There’s literally no-one in this room I want to talk to.” Cloud murmured as she dragged him forward.

“Yeah, same. I guess we better give it a good hour or two before we dip, though.”

Cloud glanced up at the large, ornate clock on the wall. “Sure… I can do an hour I guess. But we better not spend that entire time together, or they’re never going to give up on the rumors that we’re dating.”

“Eww.” Yuffie wrinkled her nose. “Why, is there someone you need to impress here? OH! Look, Chocobo guy is here! Is it him? Is he your chocobo boyfriend? You guys allllways talk!”

Cloud sighed. “No, I just talk to him about chocobos. Why’s it always about dating and stuff with you?”

“Oh I dunno, maybe because of the way media shoves relationships down our throats as the only thing that should satisfy the empty holes in our lives?” Yuffie replied cheekily, blinking up at him. “Or maybe I’m your friend and think you need to get laid.”

He groaned. “Did Tifa get to you?”

“I like to think it’s more I am continuing Aerith’s legacy of embarrassing the hell out of you.” Yuffie grinned, looking a bit happier now that a waiter had materialized champagne into both their hands and the platter with pulled pork bites was en route with prawn wrapped in ham on their peripherals. They both snagged a few, and ate quickly.

“Ooohkay. Game plan – I go left, you go right, go be nice, don’t insult or attack anyone, and if you need help say ‘Delicious!’ really loud and I’ll come help you. We meet back here in about an hour and re-evaluate.”

Cloud blinked. “Yeah, okay. Sure. Good luck, warrior.”

“And good luck to you, warrior!” Yuffie cut a quick salute at him (which was hilariously incorrect, but he wouldn’t mention it), and spun off, walking a bit hesitantly in her short heels.

Cloud finished his champagne and gratefully accepted another, before heading off into battle.

He found himself in several vapid conversations, trying to take it in but mostly nodding and thinking about chocobos (thanks to Yuffie mentioning the beautiful birds). He found he had to concentrate after asking people to repeat their question a few too many times, and wandered off slightly to stare over the balcony into the beautiful gardens below. They were in some fancy estate near Mideel, in the sort of place he never even knew existed before learning of the true lifestyles of the rich and famous after accidentally becoming a household name. And here Cloud was, in a well fitted navy suit, sipping champagne that surely would have cost more than he used to make in the infantry. He wondered what his mother would think of him, rubbing shoulders with people who had millions of gil when his mother and him had to hunt to survive through the cold Nibelheim winters. He remembered, slowly, why he was here. They weren’t here to just faff about, they needed to do this to change things on Gaia for the better. So that… kids didn’t have to eat lean wolf and rabbit just to survive the winter.

He steeled his resolve. He was a hero to the people out there – he had killed a god, he had been to space, inside the lifestream, and to the bottom of the ocean. He could survive a few suits for the sake of the mission.

He would go inside, and do this. For his mother.

….in a second.

He closed his eyes, breathing in the crisp air.

“Oh, hey you.” A familiar voice said.

Cloud opened his eyes slowly, to see he had been joined on the balcony by none other than ‘chocobo guy’. A fellow jockey and chocobo enthusiast he had met at the Golden Saucer, the other man had always been pleasant to talk to, without being overbearing like some others at the gold saucer. Cloud had hesitantly added him to a secret list of people he could actually stand, which barely extended further than his crew in AVALANCHE. But this guy… he had a name. Surely. He strained. L something? Lincoln. That was it.

He said a polite hi back, giving the other man what he hoped was a nice smile. Still practicing those.

“I’m surprised to see you in a suit,” Lincoln told him earnestly. “Pretty different from your usual getup.” He suddenly looked worried, and held up his hands. “Not that you don’t look good in your usual clothes!”

Cloud laughed softly at that. “Well, I’m certainly less comfortable, but it’s good to see you. Are you going to be racing this season?”

“Yeah, I’ve got a few greens I’m training, I think one of them will be able to give Teioh a run for his money.”

“you really think you can take the crown off Joe with a green?” he asked, intrigued.

“Really. They have great stamina, and I think they can have the edge over a black’s burst of speed.”

They talked shop for a while, and Cloud took pleasure in how easy it was to talk about chocobos. For all his self deprecation over his social skills, when he was in his element discussing something like swords, motorbikes or chocobos, he could talk all day.

He reclined against the railing as the conversation lulled down. Lincoln was smiling widely at him, and Cloud realised the other man had moved closer without him realising it. Cloud blinked. _He was actually quite close_ …

As he thought this, Lincoln moved even closer, sliding his hand across the railing, stopping just before it bumped up against Cloud’s own hand. His long legs seemed to box Cloud in, and for a second he had to stop himself from sweeping the other man’s legs out. _This is probably not an assassination attempt, right?_

“So, ah – I was wondering if I could interest you in anything other than chocobos?” Lincoln said, smoothly.

Cloud stared at him for a moment, turning his words over in his head. _Was that a come on?_ He realised too late that he had been silent for too long.

“Come on, don’t tell me you don’t swing that way,” he said, masculine voice low and huskier than he had heard it before.

“I don’t – ah - I don’t date.” Cloud said softly, blushing slightly. He was tense with the effort of not pushing the other man away.

“It doesn’t have to be a relationship,” Lincoln said, and Cloud could see the heat in his eyes, feel the warmth radiating off his skin from where he stood. He had a finely tuned athlete’s body, and Cloud couldn’t help but appreciate that. “We could just have some fun together, Cloud.” Something in Cloud’s mind turned slowly at the seductive way the other man said his name.

Lincoln reached out with one broad palm, stroking it across Cloud’s jaw, drawing his face closer to his own. He moved in, smoothly, and kissed Cloud, a firm, warm kiss that promised more. Cloud felt the attraction and tenderness in the other man’s actions, and something unfurled lazily inside him at the touch. He hadn’t had a casual lover in a long time, but he had been touched by –

_-Sephiroth._

Cloud jerked suddenly, startling both of them.

He caught his breath, embarrassed despite himself.

“Sorry,” he said finally, “This isn’t what – I’m not really in the right position for this right now.” He stumbled over the words.

Lincoln shifted back, releasing him from where he had caged him in. He frowned slightly at Cloud, cheeks slightly reddened.

“Okay.” He acquiesced. “Well, if you change your mind, you know where to find me, ok?”

“Later.” Cloud brushed past him, trying not to appear flustered. He re-entered the ballroom, glancing around quickly to make sure no one was staring at him, then located Yuffie.

“There’s something _delicious_ over here,” he hissed, snagging her by the arm and dragging her away from a small group of semi-nobles.

“Ohh – goodbye!” Yuffie waved cheerily to the group, not seeming upset at being dragged away. “Thank gaia, they were boring _and_ racist. You ok?”

“I need to get out of here.” Cloud murmured, scanning the room for an exit. Yuffie pointed towards the balcony he had _just_ left, and he shook his head and dragged them towards another one, which was blessedly empty. The drop down to the garden was only two floors, and Cloud dropped down easily, then caught Yuffie as she jumped down too, the ninja not dumb enough to risk twisting her ankle landing in her short heels.

Cloud helped Yuffie straighten out her nice black dress, then offered her his arm. She smacked it in response.

“Don’t start treating me like a lady now!” She huffed. “Now, what happened?”

Cloud started walking down the pebbled garden path. “Nothing, I just had to get out of there.”

“Oh shut up, you fat dirty liar. Tell me what happened, did you have a fight with your chocobo boyfriend?” She gasped and ran up to Cloud, looking him in the face. “Oh gaia, did you make out with him?”

“No!” Cloud blushed despite himself, turning away.

“OHH!! YOU DID! YOU DOG!”

“Fuck! He kissed me, ok? I wasn’t expecting it.”

Yuffie gave a little cheer. “Well what, don’t you like him? He’s cute!”

“I know but – ah. I don’t really know if I want that.”

Yuffie sighed.

“You can’t just take the easy option, can you? Well, I guess if you did you wouldn’t be you. So, what do you want?”

Cloud thought about it.

“I… I don’t know. Really. I spent.” He grimaced.

“What?”

“Oh, I don’t want to weigh you down with all this boring shit.”

Yuffie hit him again. “Come on, tell me. It’s either me or Tifa, right?”

Cloud sighed. “I can’t believe you grew up and want to talk about _boys_.”

“Gross, I know. Now, spill.”

“I just feel like… I wasn’t doing so well lately. And I’ve been trying really hard to do better, and it’s working. I don’t want to ruin that good streak with something new.”

“That makes… an awful lot of sense, actually.” Yuffie told him, with a slight shiver.

“Cold?”

“Not used to … non tropical nights.”

Cloud shucked off his coat jacket, placing it over her shoulders gently.

“Thanks, such a gentleman.” She rolled her eyes at him, but still smiled.

“What about you? I don’t see much of you.”

“I wouldn’t send you so many memes if I was as emo as you, Cloudy.” She grinned up at him. “Yeah, just working real hard. Are you gonna come visit me or not? A new ramen place opened up.”

He nodded. “I could do with a break… what about next week?”

“Next week is good – ah! I’m vibrating!” She reached into Cloud’s jacket pocket and fished out his phone. Checking caller id quickly, she picked up before Cloud could swipe the phone back.

“Hello, this is Cloud Strife,” She said into the speaker, affecting a ridiculous deep voice. “How might I help you, Mr Twisty?”

“Yuffie? Where are you two? The speeches are about to start!” Reeve’s tinny voice came through the speaker.

“Ooopsy.” Yuffie grinned. “Well, the battlefield awaits.”

\----

They were together more nights than they were apart, and Cloud felt other man’s absence more keenly than before Sephiroth started visiting him in the night, which sometimes made Cloud feel like he had brought it on himself (why couldn’t he just be happy with what he had before?) but they slept deeply, comfortably, together in each others’ arms.

\

\---

Cloud drank his tea carefully, even if the Highwind was so smooth that he didn’t need to worry about spilling anything. They were doing a slow sweep up the coastline to land on the coast of Midgar, where intel had reported suspicious activity on the peninsula west of Kalm. Vincent had come with him, keen to get out of the office.

The ride was slow, which seemed to make his airsickness even _worse_ than fast flying.

Vincent and Cid were standing with him, and he was vaguely aware that Cid was ranting about something that didn’t really interest him, whilst he and Vincent were meant to dutifully listen and drink their tea.

Cloud turned slowly towards the bow of the ship, glancing through the floor-to-ceiling glass windows at the dark surf. He wasn’t sure if he saw something, but he definitely sensed something down there.

“What…?” he murmured, barely aware that he was talking.

Cid looked at him, but Vincent acted faster when he realised they lost Cloud’s attention mid-sentence.

“What is it, Cloud?” the dark-haired man the few steps up to the glass window, scanning the seas. Cloud quickly joined him, and Cid wandered up as well.

“I thought – there.” he pointed, where there was a long, darker patch of water.

“What? There’s nothing there,” Cid grizzled, squinting out over the horizon.

As Cloud and Vincent watched, the shape became more solid, and the waves started catching on the shadow as it surfaced. The spray cut sharply through the misty air.

“Surely you can see it now?” Vincent asked wryly, staring as a head emerged slowly from the surf, cutting like a knife through the dark water. A shimmering, long body emerged from the surf, fins sending water spraying.

“Leviathan?” Cid yelled, watching the serpent emerge from the water.

“That doesn’t look like Leviathan….” Vincent murmured.

Cloud tilted his head, considering. “It looks… wrong, doesn’t it? Like someone summoned it wrong.”

He observed the parts of the serpent which was above the water. It was mottled black, and strange poles were sticking out of it. They looked like what was sticking out of the Behemoth they fought below Midgar.

“This is Deepground work.” Cloud announced.

“But is it here to attack us, or is it guarding something?” Vincent murmured, watching the beast.

After a few moments, the serpent coiled up and sent a blast of water towards the airship.

“Portside!” Cid shouted at the pilot, and the ship tipped sharply, sending the attack jetting ineffectually past them.

“Well, it’s definitely hostile either way.” Vincent remarked.

Cloud sighed. “well, I guess we better go take care of that, huh?”

Vincent frowned. “Death Penalty doesn’t deal well with water.”

“My knees… I can’t take big jumps like I used to?” Cid protested weakly.

Cloud sighed.

“So much for teamwork.”

He took off his black bomber jacket and folded it up, the shiny reflective ‘WRO’ letters on the sleeve catching the light. He looked down at the rest of his outfit, white shirt, black pants and his regular combat boots. He very carefully checked his pockets for and removed his phone, keys and wallet and added it to the pile. _And this is the one day I dressed casually, too. Good thing I brought a change of clothes_ , he thought, sighing.

“Well, you’re at least going to come pick me up, right?” he asked, exasperated, as he retrieved his sword from where they had left it with their luggage on the deck.

“Sure,” Cid replied with a grin. “I’ll even bring you a towel. Are you going in like this? You look like a wet t-shirt contest waiting to happen.”

A few crew members giggled at this, but Cloud couldn’t help but notice the way some eyes lingered on his body. He averted his eyes.

“I’m not taking anything else off.” He murmured, embarrassed.

Vincent followed him out to the balcony.

“I’ll keep an eye on you and come help out if you need help,” Vincent promised him softly.

Cloud laughed slightly. “But for now I’m on my own, right?”

He looked away slightly. “It is … impractical to take a gunner into these situations.”

“Sure, sure”. He sighed.

Cloud vaulted onto the top of the railing, balancing easily. He looked at the serpent below, who was ramping up for another attack.

“If you two don’t come get me, I’m kicking your asses.” Cloud promised him, then took aim and flipped off the balcony with a lazy movement.

He fell slowly, holding the Puzzle sword in one hand. He pulled apart the side blade, holding it in his off hand as he started falling heavier through the air.

The serpent noticed him and started coiling up, lifting itself into the air, big, hungry mouth aiming for the falling swordsman.

He moved his sword with slow, lazy movements, pulling a limit break though his body slowly as he approached the open maw.

Time seemed to slow down as he reached the beast, releasing a limit break directly onto its face just as it reached up to close around his body, the force of the limit break and the impact pushed the both of them underwater, the freezing surf closing around his body. His world was a flash of teeth, blood, shining scales, and two glinting swords held tight in his hands as he twisted out of the beast’s mouth with a slight difficulty, wincing as his pants ripped open on a sharp tooth, and he kicked off the muzzle of the creature to survey the damage.

It was very much still alive, extremely angry, and charging for him.

He held First Tsuragi sideways to reflect a powerful chomp, twisting the blade in a follow up to pull it against the inside of its mouth. He noticed the pull of the water, and how hard it was to fight underwater. A bit too late, Cloud realised he didn’t really know if he could remember if he could swim or not, but he was pretty sure Zack could swim so he would probably be ok.

The creature recoiled with a scream, and Cloud followed up by casting a powerful Fire spell, which boiled underwater and scorched the creature. It flicked out in retaliation and without having anything to grip on Cloud was sent tumbling through the water, a wash of bubbling white and navy water.

Faintly aware he should probably try to breathe, he took quick bearings of his location and started to kick upwards. The serpent saw this and moved to block him off, but he shoved First Tsuragi deep into the body of the creature with slight difficulty to break through the scales. The creature screamed at him, the noise strangely supersonic underwater, and bucked.

He found himself being pulled above water as the serpent twisted and recoiled, trying to lose the sword in its chest. Cloud obliged when the coil emerged from the water, planting one foot on the body to pull his sword free, the momentum of the movement sending him twisting into the sky. He took note of where the serpent was as he was spinning mid air, and took aim at one large coil which was an easy target to aim for, as he fell. He reconnected the Puzzle blade and hit the serpent’s body with a powerful blow which cut deep, but the creature was thick and it was not possible to cut clean through it.

He landed on the coil and pulled his sword free, quickly jumping to another emerging coil as the one he was standing on withdrew underwater. He cut the new part of the serpent too, and could hear it shriek again underwater. He managed a few blows like that until his shifting platforms vanished and the serpent pulled him underwater with a twisting, constricting coil.

He felt his ears pop from the pressure as he was rapidly pulled underwater, suddenly aware the ocean was very deep and he wasn’t sure how far down he could go.

He pressed his hand to the coil holding him and released a powerful Lightning spell into the creature’s body, feeling it twitch as the electricity ran through the coils holding him and they loosened. He kicked his way free, pulling his body up and towards the surface again.

The serpent came at him face-first, and Cloud pulled a smaller blade free and allowed it to come at him with its large mouth open and ready to bite down on him. He twisted at the last moment, sinking his small sword in his offhand into the side of his face and bringing the rest of the Puzzle blade down on the serpent’s head and mouth, swinging himself with his off hand to get enough momentum to cut through the creature with a powerful swing. The sea serpent twitched as its skull split, going limp in the water.

He swam upwards, breaching the surface as the creature’s body slowly started floating to the surface. He watched it drift away, not particularly wanting to lug the several hundred kilo body back to shore.

Cloud started the slow swim towards Kalm, awkward with a sword in one hand and no holster. It took him a while with only his legs and one arm, but he reached the beach and dragged himself up onto shore.

In the distance, he could see the Highwind pulling in closer to land, but closer still was a large beach area full of Kalm beachgoers. Cloud cringed, having purposely tried to put some distance between him and the civilians but they had clearly noticed him. He was extremely aware of how his white shirt had gone seethrough and was clinging to him, and how his wet hair plastered his face. He tried to push it back, looking away from the people clearly taking photos of him.

Cloud headed out towards where the Highwind was landing, ignoring the way the crowd was calling to him.

As the airship landed, the gangplank dropped and a towel was thrown at Cloud’s head, which he caught as he looked up. Cid was standing there, looking at him and laughing hysterically.

“Shut up and let me on,” he grumbled, pushing past the older blonde.

“Can’t just do anything without causing a riot, can ya spikey?” Cid guffawed.

Cloud frowned at him. “Can we just go?”

“Cloud,” Vincent murmured, gently turning the screen of his phone so Cloud could see the screen. He had the AVALANCHE group chat up, and someone had shared photos of Cloud on the beach, sopping wet and frowning. _Ifrit’s balls, how did they get the photos so fast?_

On Vincent’s screen, he could see the messages coming in from his friends.

**Tifa:** Why do these photos exist? The internet is blowing up…

**Yuffie:** LOL ok but the comments ppl are making are gross

**Barret:** WHAT DA HELL

Cloud groaned, pulling the towel over his face. _Yet another thing my friends will never let me live down…_ he resolved to go back to black clothing forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had fun writing this! I hope everyone is having a good week. Take care, stay safe, and eat your greens.
> 
> 'Reeve Twisty' is a silly in joke i have with an old friend.


	8. Send Noodles

Chapter 8

Cloud watched Tifa’s turned back out of the corner of his eye, and then leaned forward, carefully reaching over the bar. He willed himself to be stealthy. His target was in his sights – hidden behind the lip of the bar counter was a small glossy photograph was stuck on the junction of where the bar met the wall. He could only barely see it as he was now, nearly bodily on the bar counter, but even if he couldn’t see it knowing it was there would still bother him equally. As it was, Cloud glowered at the photo, even though the other Cloud didn’t meet his eyes. The picture had been carefully selected from the multiple shots which had circulated the internet since his escapade in the ocean last week. If the comment section was to be believed, his half-lidded eyes gazing into the distance was ‘sultry’, even if he knew he was squinting as the sun reflected off the Highwind in the distance. The way his hair, plastered to his face, started flicking up at the ends as it dried was apparently ‘cute’, and the obsession with the way his white shirt had turned translucent and clung to his embarrassingly tiny waist and muscled torso was ‘yummy’. All Cloud knew is that he didn’t care that much about looking at himself on any regular day, but having what felt like the entire population of the planet obsess over this photo of him was embarrassing and demeaning. The photo took pride of place next to a spot once dedicated only to another photo, one which had been blissfully kept away from the internet as a whole. His fingers passed over this photo as he reached for the edge of the new addition, temporarily concealing the scowling and blurry blonde in a purple dress for a second.

As Cloud’s fingers grasped at the photo, his arm was solidly thwacked away. He hissed indignantly as he slammed back into his chair, Tifa glaring at him.

“Hey! I paid good money for that! Get your own!”

Cloud groaned.

“Just take it down, ok? I don’t want to see it.”

“Well, stay on that side of the bar, you can’t see it from there!”

“Why do you want it, anyway?”

“What, can’t I look?” Tifa smiled. “You look good in white. I don’t suppose we could talk you into trying on a wedding dress?”

Cloud groaned again, sinking lower into the bar stool.

“Keep dreaming.”

She shrugged, giving up easily, and returning to tidying the bar, getting ready to open it up again after a small break. She had taken the opportunity when the kids were away to go on a holiday herself.

“How was Cosmo Canyon?” Cloud asked, idly fiddling with a coaster.

“it was …. Really nice.” she replied, genuine smile on her face. Tifa looked more well rested and peaceful than Cloud had seen her in a while. “The people of Cosmo Canyon are always so welcoming, and staying with Nanaki is so nice. Every morning we would wake up with the sun to do Yoga, and we meditated… I felt so restful.”

“Even with waking up at sunrise?” Cloud said, surprised.

She laughed in reply. “Oh don’t worry, I got a lot of sleep! But honestly, it really grounded me. Being out here it’s easy to feel disconnected to the planet, but you feel a lot closer to the lifestream there.”

“Can you…. Feel it?” They hadn’t really discussed this before, Cloud realised with a start that despite Tifa being in the lifestream _with_ Cloud, when she pulled him out, they had barely discussed this subject. He suddenly realised he didn’t know if she felt it like he did, that slight feeling of _something else_ there that had never left him, just settled into him like wearing in a comfortable pair of jeans. It had taken him a long, long time to accept and welcome that feeling.

“I’ve never felt the same since then,” she told him, softly. “It’s a feeling of… never being alone. It’s nothing like that crazy power I felt when we were in there, but just a little bit. Like just the branch of a big tree.”

She sighed, and reached up with both arms into a lazy stretch, cracking her back.

“It makes me feel like I’m still part of something greater, even if I’m just here doing my thing. Do you think that’s how it felt to Aerith?”

Cloud took a moment to ground himself before answering, marinating in the depth of her words.

“I’m guessing the Cetra have a greater connection to the Lifestream than just two idiots from a country town who fell in, but yeah I guess.”

“Hey!” Tifa exclaimed, with a small laugh. “You’re the idiot who keeps falling in, I’m just the idiot who tried to save you.”

“There’s no tried about it.” Cloud told her, softly. He looked up into her big, red eyes. “I don’t think I ever thanked you – is it too late now?”

“Never too late.” Tifa smiled back at him, a smile lighting up her face. Cloud allowed his face to quirk into a soft smile, too.

“You know, if you wanted to spend more time there, or doing things that make you feel connected to the planet, you should” he told her, solemnly.

Tifa blinked at him in surprise.

“Oh – no! I love running the bar, and living with the kids. That’s not – I wouldn’t change that for the world. You know that, right Cloud? Just because that’s a part of me doesn’t mean I want it to be my whole world.”

“Yeah, you’re a little bit too grounded for that airy fairy shit, aren’t you?” Cloud smirked. “Besides, aren’t you scared of ghosts?”

“Hey!” Tifa socked him on the arm, not particularly gently. “Anyway, you should go visit Nanaki too. I think it would do you good.”

Cloud hummed. “I’m going to go visit Yuffie soon, but that’s a good idea. I’m just working on some stuff with WRO right now, though.”

“Oh, it’s nice that you’re going to see Yuffie – she was complaining the other day about how bored she is.”

“Yeah, so if I visit her than at least we can be bored together I guess. Plus, the food’s always good.”

They both started as their phones went off simultaneously. Cloud whipped his out of his pocket, checking the message. Just one, from the Avalanche group chat.

**Vincent:**

“Huh, why’d he send just a blank message?” Tifa wondered aloud. “Oh no -looks like he’s typing another one. Oh, we really need to teach him a bit better about his phone.”

“Not like we haven’t tried,” Cloud muttered.

He took the opportunity to open his photo album app. He had been taking photos as he scoured the countryside with WRO, and as surprisingly satisfying as he had found it to line up portrait shots of the countryside, he was getting no closer to his goal.

In fact, Cloud could list more places he would rather not live than places he wanted to live.

Nowhere near Cosmo Canyon – too dry and sandy. The land around Midgar was either plains or barren, and he didn’t think Sephiroth would particularly like to live anywhere with that reminder looming up in the sky around them. Nibelheim – not a chance, and Gongaga reminded him too much of Zack.

He had considered asking Sephiroth, but just as quickly dismissed that idea. The other man had no idea about Cloud’s stupid plan, and considering he was convinced his entire existence was limited to Cloud’s bedroom, he didn’t want to give the other man false hope. In case this hairbrained idea petered out to nothing. Besides, what did he ask Sephiroth? Did he just roll over and sweetly ask the other man _‘honey, where did you want me to build your house in case you come back to life?’_

Cloud nearly choked at the thought.

It’s not like – it’s not like he was doing this entirely for Sephiroth – right? Cid himself had suggested the house was for Cloud. And for all intents and purposes, that’s what he should aim for. There was absolutely no reason why he should set himself up to fail like that by wishing for something that might never happen – might not even be able to happen. Better set the bar low, and that way he won’t be disappointed. Easier to live that way.

Besides, the less opportunities for his brain to conjure up any ridiculous fantasies of domestic bliss with Sephiroth, the better. As it was, sleeping with him one or two nights a week felt like more than he could ask for, more than he deserved. It should be enough for him.

“ – Cloud? Did you hear me?” 

He snapped back to reality with a start.

“Sorry – can you repeat that?”

\----

“Yer sure you don’t have any whiskey?” Cid asked, almost with a whinge, looking at the small cup of sake he carefully held in his hand.

“Just try the sake!” Yuffie goaded him, and quickly shot back her own cup. A grimace passed on her face for a split second, just before she schooled it into a smile. “MMMM! Yummy!”

Cid eyed her with distrust.   
“I still can’t believe you’re old enough to drink.” He gave the small cup a careful sip, then raised his eyebrows. “Oh, that’s nice.”

Yuffie scoffed. “I’m the strongest, most powerful ninja in all of history and you’re making a big deal over if I can or can’t drink? Pathetic, old man!”

Cloud looked around the table. Vincent was silently eating the complicated meal laid out in front of him, handling his chopsticks with ease. Godo regarded the party with a complicated expression. Cloud wondered if he was ever disappointed that Yuffie’s friends were this weird-ass group of characters, or if she had other friends her here in Wutai. He wondered what his own mum would think if she had ever met Avalanche. He had been such a loner kid, unable to find his own friends, but ended up being accepted by a ragtag group of weirdos.

He looked down at his own meal, the delicately laid out pieces of fish and vegetable, and very carefully picked one up with his own chopsticks, working his way around the plate carefully. Godo refilled his sake cup, and Cloud thanked him quietly.

Godo engaged him in some light conversation regarding the repatriation efforts between Midgar and Wutai, and Cloud was slightly embarrassed to realise how little he knew about that side of the WRO work. Both were happier to have that conversation than to acknowledge whatever Cid and Yuffie were bickering about.

After the slightly awkward dinner, Vincent and Cid flew off, with a promise to pick Cloud up in a few days, and said goodbye to a slightly tipsy Yuffie.

\--

Cloud woke up to the sound of the sliding door to his bedroom door being opened, but relaxed his tense muscles immediately when he recognised the distinct sound of Yuffie sneaking towards him, her socked feet making soft noises on the tatami-mat flooring.

She half jumped, half collapsed on top of him, and Cloud groaned at the interruption.

“Cloudy! Wake up! Time to go climb a mountain!” she stage-whispered.

“Gaia, what time is it?” he asked sleepily. Yuffie lay bodily over him and poked his cheek.

“About 4:30- ishhh….. get up!” 

Cloud groaned again and tried to twist away, fighting against her without putting any real effort or strength in. He opened his eyes to find Yuffie’s grinning and chipper face illuminated by the faint moonlight streaming in through the window.

“I can’t get up if you don’t get off,” he told her, and she obediently rolled off. Cloud shuffled off into the ensuite to get dressed and splashed some water on his face.

“Did you pack supplies for us?” he asked. Yuffie nodded, rising to her feet. He was surprised to see she was wearing clothes that actually covered her stomach and legs, but it was a cold day.

“yeah, I got packs. If we can get to the top of the mountain in two hours, we can see the sunrise!” she told him excitedly. “Let’s get going!”

They headed out, leaving the imperial compound passed the sleepy guards and started heading up the mountain range. Despite Cloud and Yuffie’s occasional yawns, they both had no real objections to waking up early, trained by their various lifestyles and then the months they had spent as AVALANCHE tracking Sephiroth all over the planet. Still, a sleep in and a comfortable bed was a luxury few didn’t enjoy, but the crisp winter air was fresh and invigorating.

Yuffie offered Cloud some trail mix on their way up, and apart from raising his eyebrows at the high proportion of gummy worms and button chocolates mixed in, he munched the mix with her happily in relative silence as they ascended the mountain.

The hike was a difficult one, but both had grown up on a mountain and handled it easily. They were in no rush, and enjoyed the soft pre-sunrise light and noises of the forest waking up.

Cloud listened to unfamiliar bugs, the rushing of the streams and the woody sounds of the light tree branches knocking together.

“It sounds so different to the forests I grew up in,” he commented idly to Yuffie.

“Oh yeah?” she asked. “Less Nibel wolves?”

Cloud sighed. It seemed the one thing everyone teased him about, even Tifa didn’t get a hard time about the wolves.

“Yes, there were wolves. It’s not a big deal. Don’t you have animals in this forest?”

“Yeah, like big cats and stuff. But we didn’t eat them” Yuffie replied with a snicker.

“Wolf meat is good meat if you slow cook it,” Cloud said defensively, “and yeah, you weren’t poor, so I assume you got fed ok.”

“I ate a lot of random shit after I ran away from home,” Yuffie told him with a laugh. “It was hard at first because I was a bit of a brat, but I was also gross so I was like, stealing pre-packaged food from people’s houses but then also eating bugs… a varied diet!” she concluded.

Cloud laughed at her, smiling wryly. Yuffie at fourteen had been sometimes too loud and chaotic, but even though she had definitely mellowed with age she never lost that edge that made her so fun and bright. He quietly thought about how she was similarly loud and outgoing to Zack, and thought they would have gotten on well. He was grateful Yuffie was in his life, because he felt like in a way it helped him experience what it felt like being a teen, forced to grow up too fast by a rough life in Nibelheim, then to joining the army and being stuffed in a mako tube for the key years of his youth had taken that from him.

They beat the sunrise to the crest of the mountain, but barely. There was a clearing at the top bathed in pale light and as cloud watched the sun slowly appeared, rising into the light dawn sky, bringing golden rays with it. Staring directly at the sun was overwhelming so He looked backwards towards the city to see fingers of gold reaching out over the treescape, dappled by thick foliage, cresting the bald head of the Dao Chao mountain with a crown of gold, and glinting off the gilded golden rooftops of the pagodas, which looked like an intricate and gorgeous model city.

He looked back towards the sun which was rising in the sky, the gradient of light blue to orange and peach then pink like a delicate brush of colour over a canvas. Cloud felt the sun's warmth on his face, the gentlest caress, and he felt the warmth deep inside himself too as the sun's rays penetrated him all the way though. Cloud closed his eyes quietly, to capture this feeling and lock it away.

Yuffie leant against him, almost hesitantly, and he draped one arm around her to pull her in a bit closer. He felt warmth from her, too. He took a slow, deep breath. In this moment, more than he had for months, he felt grateful that they had saved this world from destruction.

He opened his eyes again to take in the gorgeous view, a gift of beauty from the same force of nature that governed the planet. The trees and forest teeming with life which shared the same lifestream as the loved ones he had laid to rest. He could see just the tip of Yuffie’s nose and her thick eyelashes in profile and he was immensely grateful to be sharing this moment with one of the few friends he had on this planet who had fought by his side, who had the patience for him and still had space in her heart and life to spend time with him.

Cloud squeezed a little tighter, and they stood in silence for a long time, watching the sun slowly ascend in the sky.

After a while, Yuffie looked up at him. "Hey, we should uh. Take a photo to make the others jealous" she told him, and Cloud nodded. He pulled out his phone and took one in either direction, but the photos couldn't even do the sunrise justice, much less capture how he felt seeing it.

Yuffie whacked him gently.

"No, like a selfie, she admonished him, so they flipped the camera and took a photo facing the sun, both bathed in a golden glow and smiling genuinely. Then they took a silly one, Yuffie sticking her tongue out and Cloud pulling the peace sign, and sent that to the AVALANCHE group chat. He quickly fired off the nice one to Yuffie privately.

They sat down on a large stone and pulled out water and museli bars. Their phones dinged in unison and Barret had sent back a photo of himself and Marlene and Denzel, at the dinner table, pulling faces back at them. Cloud laughed quietly at the photo.

They made their way down the mountain at a much more leisurely pace, no longer having to race against the rising sun. The temperature warmed up a little bit, and Cloud laughed as Yuffie fiddled with the bottom hem of her shirt.

“What’s with you and midriff?” he teased gently.

“You know,” Yuffie replied absentmindedly. “Airflow, and all that. You should try it.”

Cloud smirked.

“I’d rather not add more fuel to that fire, to be honest.”

Yuffie laughed at him. “What, don’t want to risk it after your wet tee shirt fiasco? That’s fair.”

Wutai was far more awake then when they left the silent city in the early hours of the morning. They got a few passing glances, but Wutai was small enough and Yuffie active enough in the town that Yuffie didn’t really get the same fan fervent reception as Cloud did in some other towns. It was honestly a relief, and one of the reasons Cloud enjoyed visiting Yuffie’s city.

They stopped in at a small restaurant for lunch, and then entertained themselves for the rest of the afternoon with various activities like visiting the cat house until evening came.

Cloud finally got his long-promised ramen, at a secret-looking place hidden down an alley, where everyone slurped in near silence.

They ended up back in the palace, comfortably sprawled under a heated table and drinking away Wutai’s alcohol stores.

Yuffie leaned heavily on the kotatsu’s surface, face propped up on her elbows, looking like it was an effort to talk.

“Hey, Cloud.” She started, eyes strangely not meeting his. “I – uh – maybe should have told you this before, but dad thinks there is a _thing_ between us.”

“What.” Cloud sat straighter, suddenly feeling a bit more sober. “But. There isn’t. There isn’t?” he repeated, the second part a slightly desperate question to the young woman at the table.

“Oh! Gaia! No. Don’t worry.” She raised both her palms towards him, seemingly in defence against any untoward feelings. “I don’t _like like_ you. Gross.”

“Rude, but ok.” Cloud agreed. “Why did this come up?”

“Well, it’s just like, you’re the only boy I talk to, so my dad started thinking, you know. That I must be interested in you. And if it’s not you, he’s bugging me about the boys in town, who are all annoying and gross.”

“Boys don’t interest you?” Cloud said softly, tapping the table in thought. “Do uh, do girls -?”

“No! UGH!” Yuffie interrupted him with a yell. “I’m not interested in dating! Or kissing! I just want to do sweet ninja flips and steal materia!”

“Have you told your dad that?”

“Ehh… no. I just… don’t want to disappoint him.”

“Yuffie,” Cloud replied gently. “You’re young, does your dad really expect you to settle down right now? Besides, you guys didn’t get on for years because you didn’t try to explain your feelings to each other?”  
“I can’t believe I am getting lectured about communication skills by Cloud motherfucking Strife, who has the emotional capacity of a rock.” She poured them both another cup of sake, which they both drank immediately.

“Anything to save myself from getting roped into this,” he replied.

“Hey, why don’t we just get married? Then my dad will get off my back, you get to be emperor, and people will leave both of us alone.”

“Gross.” Cloud stuck out his tongue at her, and Yuffie laughed.

“Yeah, I deserve that.”

He poured them another shot, and they sipped it slowly this time. He felt warm, comfortable, and could feel the flush on his pale skin.

“Cloud…?” Yuffie asked after a short while.

“Yeah?”

“What if I don’t end up liking anyone, like ever?”

Cloud pondered the question for a while.

“You might. You might not. Why worry about it. As long as you’re happy, right?”

“Yeah.” She replied in a small voice. With a thwomp, Yuffie fell backwards onto the carpet, and Cloud felt her kick his leg under the table just a little. “Well, it’s not like any of us have great luck with love, right?”

“Right.” He thought of silver hair, a sharp jawline. He knew that the others thought he was caught up in soft brown hair, and green eyes that glowed in a different way. He wondered if he would ever have to admit that secret out loud to the others, or if he could keep it buried forever. The truth was that he was scared of what his friends would think or how they would react. He knew they would be concerned for his mental state and safety, even if there was no risk.

He lay down on the floor, too, both of them half under the heated table. He pillowed his cheek on his bicep and could feel the heat of his warm cheek. The sake had warmed him from inside and left him pleasantly buzzed.

He realised that Yuffie had been silent for a while.

“Yuffie?” Cloud asked, softly.

After a few long minutes of silence, he pulled himself upright with some effort and then crawled around to Yuffie’s side of the table.

She was spread-eagle on the ground, snoring gently.

Cloud smiled.

“Goodnight, Yuffie” He stood, with some difficulty, and wobbled down the hallway to his room, stopping to tell a guard to bring the princess some water in the morning.

He shed his clothes down to his underwear and slid into the cool sheets of the bed, enjoying the feeling of the soft cotton against his heated skin.

He dozed for a while, extremely relaxed and comfortable. He stirred when strong arms encircled him from behind and nuzzled backwards into the embrace.

“You smell like sake,” a deep voice murmured in his ear. He was drunk enough that everything felt heightened, and the other man’s rich voice felt like a decadent dessert to his ears.

“Mmmhmmm,” he agreed easily, sliding his hands over smooth skin, shifting slightly to press exposed flesh to flesh.

“We’re in Wutai?” Sephiroth enquired, making the obvious connection based on the visible portions of the room, illuminated by a stream of moonlight dancing across the room.

Cloud nodded wordlessly. Sephiroth ran a broad hand up the base of his spine and up into the nape of his neck, tickling at the baby hairs there. Cloud pushed back into the hand caressing him.

“Ah.” Sephiroth remarked, “You’re drunk. I forgot how responsive you get when you’re like this – the last time was. Hm. I’m not sure you’d remember that…”

“M’ not drunk.” He protested lazily, not really caring, but not wanting the hand massaging his head to stop. He tipped his head back, eyes closed.

“Evidence would prove otherwise,” the other man replied, working his way down Cloud’s tense shoulders. “Either way, nice lodgings. I was normally in a tent in Wutai.”

“It helps if you aren’t there to invade,” Cloud answered easily. “I’m just here to climb mountains and eat a lot.”

“And drink all the sake in Wutai, apparently.” Sephiroth teased. “What a hard life you live.”

“Heyyy…” Cloud protested. “I work… hard… mmmm.”

And if Sephiroth replied, he didn’t hear it, because the massage had managed to push Cloud over into sleep.

He dozed for a long while, and woke up a long while later, judging by the way the light in the room had moved. It was still deep in the night, and he couldn’t hear anything stirring except the gentle settling of the house and some rustling trees outside.

He had cooled down considerably, and was now regretting taking all his clothes off, but his saving grace was Sephiroth, who was like a furnace against his back.

He carefully twisted in Sephiroth’s embrace, to face the sleeping man.

Sephiroth’s face was smooth and unaffected in sleep, his face long and chiselled, eyelashes thickly fanned across his surprisingly high, delicate cheekbone. He breathed slowly, through his nose, and Cloud reached out with the tips of his fingers to push his bangs out of his face.

The face that had once haunted his dreams, brought terror and nightmare into his life. That face of Sephiroth’s had been twisted with madness and cruelty.

This Sephiroth was softer, human. It was a natural and familiar look on him, and Cloud had to admit that it stirred memories in him, deeper than just the past few months. He had only Sephiroth’s word that they had been in a relationship, but even if it was a lie, it felt convincing.

Then again, Cloud had always far too easily believed others.

He thought back to Yuffie, and how she and the other members of Avalanche believed he had given up on love forever, with the loss of Aerith. Even Tifa, poor, loyal Tifa, who Cloud had strung along for far too long, while he was trying too hard to force some sort of relationship between the two of them but just pushed a wedge further.

He loved Aerith, down to the deepest depths of his heart. That was undeniable. But – that love, it was different. Just like how he loved all his friends, in different ways.

He ran the pad of one finger carefully over the other man’s soft lips, admiring the perfect cupids bow, that made them so kissable.

_Was it always you? Has it always been you?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yuffie and Cloud chaotic teens team   
> but also Yuffie and all her weird fukken friends when all her dad wants is for her to make friends with kids her own age
> 
> I love Yuffie!!! i bet she's gonna be so fun in the remake


	9. Kindest Regards, Cloud Strife

Chapter 9

Cloud cradled his disposable coffee cup in two hands, soaking up the warmth, his eyes closed. Even the _smell_ was waking up, the full-bodied aroma so much richer than the drip-pot shit they had in the break room. It was worth the detour out of the building, even if he had to fight every time to make the barista accept his payment. People had this weird obsession with trying to give him stuff for free, even though he had more money than he knew what to do with.

He didn’t open his eyes even as someone else stepped on the elevator. He wondered blithely if the other man wouldn’t interact with him if he acted like he was asleep.

“Hey, beautiful.” _No such luck._ He could even see, without opening his eyes, the leery look on the other man’s face.

He sighed, cracking one eye open regardless. The same dirty blonde mullet, bastardized SOLDIER outfit, and big toothy grin.

“When are you going to give this up?” he murmured, half regretting engaging even as he said it.

“When you finally agree to a rematch! When we push our hearts and souls to the redline!” the other man exclaimed, bursting with energy. In a way liveliness reminded Cloud a bit of Zack, but it felt almost comical.

Cloud blinked at him, a slow realisation slowly coming to his mind.

“Oh – you’re that motorbike guy from Midgar, aren’t you? Didn’t you die or something?”

The other man looked offended. “Died? No! You can’t tell me you forgot the night our souls were one with our noble rides?”

Cloud shifted uncomfortably. “There was a lot going on at that time. You remember that big meteor in the sky, and so on? Sorry, ah – Ross?”

“Roche. Etch the name into your soul.” He leaned forward again, uncomfortably intruding into his personal space. “So… give me the honour of putting our pedals to the medal again! There is no better setting than the roadways around Midgar.”

“I’m not really sure what this whole – thing – is, but I’m kind of busy.” He leaned back, but Roche only leaned closer into his space.

“I’ll wait as long as it takes.” He didn’t like the look Roche was giving him, frankly.

At that time, the elevator door opened, and he looked up to the person waiting to board, surprised to see it was someone else he recognised. One of the old SOLDERS who worked at WRO now, Kunsel. He was vaguely aware the guy used to be friends with Zack, but any further memories were blurry and he hadn’t really had the opportunity to talk to Kunsel about it. The other man definitely knew him, that’s for sure.

“Cloud? Roche?” he seemed oddly surprised to see the two of them, but boarded the elevator. “Are you bothering him again, Roche?”

“Bothering? Nonsense! I am sure my advances are welcomed.” He bragged, chest puffed out.

Cloud wove easily through the two bodies, exiting the elevator.

“Later,” he said easily, watching the faces of the two as the doors shut behind him. Kunsel looked disappointed he had left, and Roche looked put out.

He walked away, wondering why it was that everyone on the planet seemed to need his attention for something or other. If it was important, they could find him later, or at least they could try. He wasn’t sure he wanted more of Roche’s attention in trying to seduce him into a motorbike race or his bed, he still wasn’t clear on that one. Or whatever Kunsel wanted to talk about, although he didn’t really feel like a trip down memory lane into the part of his life lost in a green haze.

He made his way to his barely used office, passing by the meeting room where their project was set up. He knew if he looked through the door’s window, he would see Shelke’s head bowed in concentration, deep in research.

They had given him an unnecessarily fancy office, at Reeve’s behest that he _deserved it_ , regardless of the fact that he had very little use for it. On the door, the small gold plaques read:

‘Cloud Strife

WRO Special Operations

AVALANCHE’

He rolled his eyes at this, firstly the silly role Reeve had given him that allowed him to do whatever needed to be done in WRO, and secondly at his role in a _terrorist organisation_ being a title on an office door.

People seemed to forget that’s what Avalanche was, anyway. But they had succeeded, even if it was helped in part by the haemorrhaging death of Shinra Electric Power Company, and the fact that they had stopped the world from destruction, after all. That seemed to stick in people’s minds.

A big step up from a secret base under a bar in the slums.

He slid into the comfortable office chair, booting up the slimline PC on his desk. The furniture in the office didn’t _quite_ match, but it was pretty close. WRO had stripped anything useable from the Shinra building before bandits and looters had found their way in, not seeing any point in letting the overly luxurious furniture made for the defunct company go to waste.

His email program booted, hundreds of new emails loading. He sighed, opening the first one.

He seemed to be cc’d into countless emails unrelated to him in any way. He wasn’t sure if it was a power play to the recipient or what, but it was annoying as hell.

Delete.

Delete.

Delete.

He forwarded some emails that had come directly to him to administration, requesting someone respond.

Delete.

Delete.

Delete.

Cloud faintly remembered Sephiroth complaining about this issue, a long time ago. The bureaucracy and office politics that occurred in emails, a pointless time waster. But where Cloud came and went like a nomad and shirked anything but what fell under his deigned ‘special operations’, Sephiroth had been stuck in the office, trained for war and then forced to be behind a desk. It must have been maddening.

Delete.

Delete.

Delete.

He couldn’t believe how many words people took to write out something straightforward. Simpering, minced words and useless platitudes. Just like how they spoke to him at events, circling around the point of their conversations like saying anything straight would kill them.

It drove him crazy.

Delete.

Delete.

Cloud looked out the window, rolling cloud cover streaking across the rich blue sky. A crisp winter day. He tapped his desk with the tips of his fingers, beating out an urgent, frustrated tempo.

This was pointless, boring. He might as well be doing nothing.

He selected all the emails, and hit ‘delete’ they all vanished. Empty inbox. Bam. Done.

Cloud launched himself out from the desk with a burst of energy, leaving the office and letting the door slam closed behind him. He took the stairs at double speed, not wanting to run into anyone, and also to burn off some of his sudden energy. He was in the basement garage a second later, mounting Fenrir with ease. Then the engine was purring and the gate was open and he was going, going, gone, from the stuffy office, into the fresh crisp winter’s day.

Cloud took the main road towards Fort Condor from Junon, then turned Fenrir towards the mountain range, going offroad at a leisurely pace. The engine thrummed comfortably between his legs, thick tire tread taking the firm earth and grasslands with ease.

He wove through the plains with no particular direction, tall grass brushing at his clothed legs as he cut through the plains. The more he headed inland, the thicker the scattered tree cover became.

He headed towards a part of the mountain range that curved inwards with a dogleg, creating a protected valley at the base of the mountain. There was a thick copse of trees, extending up the mountain.

Fenrir pulled up slowly as he dismounted. Cloud wandered to the edge of the treeline, taking in the crisp, woody smell of nature. He closed his eyes. The forest was alive. He could hear the soft rustling of trees, a trickle of water, and the movement of small animals. It didn’t have the same feeling of the forests around Nibelheim – that edge that came with the dangerous area and wildlife – nor did it feel like the rainforests near Gongaga or Wutai.

It felt… nice.

Without thinking about it, he started stepping out a large rectangle.

From here, a large window would have a view of the mountain ranges towards Junon, capturing the ribbon of the river which separated that old man’s house from the rest of the continent. Here… a large area for a training room, a weapons rack on the side and some weights. But most importantly, it would have to be large enough and with a high ceiling to allow proper sparring. The floor could be mats, maybe, something with a grip and easy to replace. Here, nestled on the edge of the treeline, a kitchen window, so that he could cook while looking out at nature. Or maybe, cuddled up on the couch with Sephiroth, pressed tight to his side, reading books together in the evening while the planet rested outside.

He stopped, suddenly feeling supremely silly for fantasizing about domestic life.

But on the other hand … here, he could have a garage for Fenrir, and maybe space for a car too, on the approach to the house.

And here, space to shelter and tack one or two chocobos, in case he was breeding for the races, close enough to the house that he could hear and keep an eye on them.

He reached up and grasped a thick branch easily pulling himself into the air with one hand. From only a small elevation, he could even catch a glimpse of the ocean, shimmering on the skyline.

Was it possible to put the house on stilts? Maybe have a step up to the living areas of the house? It would be expensive… but not impossible. That gave him options for storage under the level, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to do a proper two-storey. He wanted a cottage, nothing too fancy.

Then again, they would need a lot of extra bedrooms and he supposed another bathroom for visitors, although he wasn’t sure Sephiroth would be able to handle it if every member of Avalanche were to visit all at once…

He stopped himself again.

_This is silly, right?_

He felt embarrassed, like he had been caught fantasising like a teen girl over her dream life, maybe planning married life with her crush.

But then again… even thinking about such a place, and how he could have a house that worked all of his needs into one location, somewhere he could feel _at home…_

That feeling sat very comfortably in his chest.

He remembered with embarrassment that this was exactly what he had been setting out to do. Find a place to settle down, be comfortable, and live the rest of his life. This was exactly what his friends had encouraged him to do.

Even if he was fantasizing about spending that life with a dead man….

Cloud idly lay down, allowing his eyes to slide closed.

The smell of grass was so nostalgic, and soothing.

He always did love nature. It was always exactly what it said on the label, no deceit, no politics, no ‘kind regards’, no hidden intents. It was part of the great cycle of their planet, life, growth, death, life again. It was comforting in its simplicity.

He was well aware that there might be monsters hiding in the forest, or in the grass, but he had a small knife holstered in the small of his back, a comforting weight, materia in his bracer, and the puzzle blade holstered in Fenrir just a few steps away. He felt comfortable enough to allow his eyes to slide closed, knowing he would feel anything approaching.

\---

He came gently back into consciousness a while later, realising he had drifted off. The sun hung low in the sky, twilight painting the clouded sky with a muted orange light. He was surprised at how long he had napped, but he felt languid, and comfortable. He almost swore he felt residual heat from his side, and the whisper of long, fine hair in the gentle breeze, but he was of course alone.

Sitting up, he stretched out his body, hearing his spine crack. His limbs felt loose and comfortable, with none of the tension he had earlier in the office, stuck between annoying coworkers (if they could be called that) and pointless bureaucracy.

Out here, he finally felt at ease. At home.

His train of thought was interrupted by a rumble of his stomach. Cloud realised that he had skipped lunch entirely.

Feeling a bit rueful to be leaving the glade, he hopped back on Fenrir and pulled out of the area. He stopped a little while out, looking back at the place he had just left, memorizing the location. He could imagine, just peeking from the side of the mountain, a house, hidden from the elements and unbothered by most people. It had deep eaves and generously sized windows, and he could come home.

Yeah.

Blushing at how utterly _lame_ his thought process was, Cloud drove away. He headed towards Fort Condor, to the base that had been changing slowly since their victory over Shinra. They had more time and effort to put into making the base more liveable and pleasant, which was a nice change for the residents, who still loved living there.

The gruff exteriors of the guerrilla types who made up Fort Condor didn’t prevent the residents from having a soft spot for Cloud, who had been pivotal in the late stages against Shinra. They were more than happy to feed him, with a simple but delicious meal of slow cooked meat and root vegetable.

He wandered away from the town, now that night had well and truly fallen Cloud supposed he should head back to Junon but he didn’t particularly feel like going back to his soulless apartment. He meandered for a little bit, wondering what to do. 

To his surprise, his pocket vibrated, and he answered Reeve’s incoming phone call.

“Cloud!” Reeve sounded a bit shocked that he picked up so fast. “Hey, where are you?”

“I’m just a bit out of Fort Condor, why?” he answered.

“We think we found it! The Deepground base! We received reports from a small fishing town on the coast about suspicious activity. A a few WRO patrol trucks are near there now, but the plan is to mobilize in Junon and head down.”

“Down?” he questioned. “I know that fishing town – that’s pretty close to Fort Condor. So it’s near me?”

“Oh – right!” Reeve sounded a bit out of his depth organising a military movement, and he was wondering if Shelke was in charge right now, over there. “Did you want to head straight there? We can meet you there.”

“Can you send me the location?”

“Sure – just don’t go charging in and clearing the whole place out, ok? You only have to hold the location.”

“Are you scared for my safety, Reeve?” he almost scoffed down the line.

“You don’t have to do everything yourself, you know!” Reeve answered him, almost indignant. “WRO is here to support you. Our troopers have been training for offensive manoeuvres.”

“But why put them at risk?” he argued back. “I can fight, and that means others don’t have to die. Especially against an unknown enemy.”

“Cloud, you….” He could almost see Reeve wringing his hands. “Well, Vincent, Shelke, some of the other enhanced folks, and a whole bunch of WRO troopers. We’re all on our way, ok? Just be careful.”

“Sure. See you.” He ended the call.

He didn’t particularly feel the need to tell Reeve that the unexpected operation had the adrenalin flowing through his veins already. He didn’t know if he wanted to wait. He revelled in the feeling of fighting, felling mako-crazed monsters or equally crazy humans. He truly felt alive when he was in a fight, sword an extension of his body, casting magic as easily as breathing. It felt _good_ to move his body, to fight, to hunt, to kill. He knew that Vincent understood. He saw it in his eyes sometimes, a reflection that wasn’t even the monsters living within. Vincent was his kindred spirit in many regards, and they hunted together when they could.

More than the others, they were weapons, killers. They could never truly put the weapons down and walk away.

That’s why Cloud had lead a lot of the brute-force missions or monster extermination. He had been told, repeatedly, that he didn’t have to. That he had done enough for everyone.

But this made him feel alive, and useful.

His phone beeped, Reeve’s coordinates coming through.

The location wasn’t fire, and Cloud pushed Fenrir harder, the bike rising to the challenge and streaking across the plains. The sky was dark, stars twinkling above as he moved towards the coast. Sometimes when he looked up at the sky, he was surprised that meteor no longer hung above, a constant looming presence. It was hard to forget sometimes that that time was truly over.

He pulled up a short time later, to a huge industrial shed, a bit oddly located off to the side of the main road. It was not even hidden by the sparse tree cover, and an old SHINRA logo which had been stencilled on the sides was faded and chipped. It looked abandoned, if not for the crates scattered outside, and fresh tire tracks cutting through the turf, leading into the large doors.

The WRO force Reeve had mentioned were there, positioned in front of the gates, barricaded behind the trucks. There were about two dozen or so of them all up, four trucks, and he could see a few lying on stretchers being treated by a medic. The troops were mainly just infantry, in their khaki uniforms and red berets. He could see the surprise in their drawn, tired faces when he dismounted. They all looked so small, next to the huge warehouse.

The building trembled, then, and Cloud can see a barricade has been made, the door locked from the outside with a pole slid between the handles and by a few large tree trunks blocking the way. Someone or something clearly wanted to get out, as demonstrated by the infrequent thumping.

He dismounted his bike and pulled his sword’s harness from the saddlebags, slipping it ontop of the luckily practical clothes he was wearing today – a simple navy top and combat pants, not a white tee shirt in sight. The blades went in next, securely mounted on his back in a comforting weight.

Walking up to the small gathering, one infantry jogged over to him and popped a salute. Clearly the highest ranked in the operation, he looked a little older than the others and had a few more rankings glinting from his epaulettes.

“Cloud Strife, sir! Thank you for coming!”

He nodded slightly, knowing that correcting any of the troopers out of calling him Sir wasn’t going to get anywhere. Regardless of the fact that he didn’t hold a military ranking, they would persist.

“How’s it going here? Holding down ok?”

“Yessir. It’s been tough, sir. We are attempting to contain the enemy, but we’re not sure how long that will last. Once they noticed we were out here, they tried to attack us but we barricaded them in. The monsters that came out appear enhanced, and we had a few casualties.”

Ah. He saw it now, the shrouded bodies in the back of that truck. He counted three. Three, probably young people, who had left their hometowns to help with WRO, to do the right thing for the planet in the best way they could. And they had been chomped down on what looked like the bullet-riddled corpse of a bastardized Hell Worm which was sprawled in front of the warehouse door, the same nodes sticking out of it as the sea serpent and behemoth they had fought previously. Clearly some sort of alteration Deepground were doing to these monsters to make them more aggressive, or powerful, or maybe to control them. It wasn’t quite clear.

He stared again at the warehouse as it shuddered. Inside, he could hear the distinct humming of electricity, whirring industrial fans and the noise of movement. Whatever was inside there was a mystery, and it was most certainly dangerous.

The troopers’ white-knuckled grip on their machine guns drew his attention. The guns were a step up from the pathetic souped up shotguns he himself had been issued in the Shinra military, and he remembered how weak he had felt when that was all between him and a monster. There was a reason only Vincent used a gun in Avalanche, and that was because up against monsters, a melee weapon did far more effective damage against monsters. The infantry units were basically dead meat once those doors opened up, if one Hell Worm had taken out three of them. They seemed to know it, too, based on the drawn, tired looks on their faces. The one closest to them was trembling, ever so slightly. He wondered if it was fear or nerves, maybe both.

So many lives had been lost from this generation already, he thought sadly, thinking of parents waiting for their children to come home to them.

“Have you word from how far the main force is from us?” he asked the commander.

“At least another two hours from here, Sir.”

“Right.” Cloud made his mind up easily, even if Reeve would tell him off later.

Their conversation was interrupted by another loud thump against the doors. He could see the reinforced metal bending, stressing the hinges of the entrance.

“Those doors aren’t going to hold another two hours. I’m going in, can your units provide covering fire?”

“Sir, yes Sir!”. The other man looked a bit surprised, but Cloud couldn’t help but notice how the other infantry straightened a little at that, breaking out of whatever revue they were in.

“Okay, I’ll try not to let anything past but yell if you need me back here.”

With that, he walked up to the large industrial entrance. Casting a quick Shell and Barrier on himself, Cloud kicked the log away from in front of the right door only and pulled the pole free of the doors. He swung open the door he had freed, and a monster immediately tumbled out, clearly about to give another powerful bang on the doors. It looked like some sort of Gigas, and he unsheathed First Tsuragi and brought it down directly on the creature’s neck, beheading it in one smooth motion.

He stepped up onto the now still corpse, looking into the warehouse. It seemed darker inside, somehow, and he was having trouble making out anything further than a few meters ahead of him, which was odd given his mako-enhanced vision. However, part of that was due to the jumble of things inside. There were many large pieces of hardware of various shapes and sizes, stacked up on the floor and connected to more machinery up on a mezzanine area. They were clearly salvaged military items from Shinra, and others taken from Deepground, due to the make and appearance of them, and thick cording hung down and was woven around. The entire thing buzzed loudly with the noise of industrial fans, generators and electricity, and brightly blinking lights and display panels obscured his vision from clearly taking any of it in.

The warehouse smelled metallic and tasted like the tingle of electricity, a warning that ran up his spine and into the back of his head. But the mako-twang was not present, nor was the antiseptic smell of a lab. Just parts of guns and wires and consoles.

He moved forward, immediately meeting another monster which was charging at him with an outstretched clawed hand. He dropped back, hinging at the knees to allow the arm to pass ineffectually over his head, and then bounced right back up again to drive his blade through the thing’s chest.

Pulling his blade out as he moved, he unsheathed a second sword for his left hand and used it to slice through the scales of a lizard-looking creature trying to flank him. Twisting, he took a swipe at a corrupted, rabid wolf coming from his other side, sending it back with a screech. His blade glinted at the node sticking out of the creature’s torso, and he felt just a small jolt of electricity go up the sword into his arm at the connection. He made a note to stay away from the modifications to the monsters.

Another Gigas came at him, and Cloud cut the creature’s large, meaty hands off with one swift cut and sunk his sword into it’s torso, then hauled himself up onto the creature’s shoulders for a second.

The monster slowed, seeming shocked at his sudden role in the piggy-back. He took the opportunity to look back towards the entrance, where the muzzle of the WRO infantry’s machine guns were flashing, but the entrance was clear and they didn’t seem to be at risk. He looked back over to the rest of the warehouse.

The entire ground floor was crawling with monsters, all waving tails, spikes, big teeth, and clearly ready for a fight. The glinting metal rods sticking out of their bodies seemed to attract electricity, and he could almost see a net of connection between the floor. He could also see a few humans, what looked like animal handlers in that ridiculous glowing Deepground outfit. They weren’t being attacked by the monsters, and as he watched, one pointed up at him, shouting something that caused the beasts to clamber in a frenzy to get to him. Cloud grunted, and flicked a sword from his harness at the man, spearing him through the chest. He made a note to collect that later.

The gigas he was riding seemed to finally notice it was dead, and as it slowly started to topple over he retrieved his blade and cast Ice 3 All, pushing the spell directly into the tail of the Valkorados who was attempting to swipe him off his perch. The tail froze instantly, and then shattered as the momentum pushed it into his sword. The monster fell down, and a radius of monsters froze as they were encased in ice.

He jumped down, bringing with him a follow up Earth 3 All, which shattered the frozen creatures into large, icy chunks, clearing a large area. He moved rapidly to the edge of this perimeter, where a shocked-looking harpy wasn’t prepared for its head to be cut off.

The next creature was a bit more ready and pressed the attack as the crush of monsters pushed harder. He cut them down easily, still untouched. Duel wielding, he twisted, cast, jumped and slashed with smooth motions, not stopping or hesitating. His blood pumped through his veins, but he felt calm, even as the cacophony of noise seemed to rise to a crescendo, and he heard beeping machinery, the rhythmic rat-tat-tat of machine gun fire, snarls and cries of the monsters, and was faintly aware of alarms going off in the back of the warehouse.

He goaded a monster into crashing headfirst into one of the carefully stacked piles of technology, watching one of the handlers get caught up in suddenly taut wiring and thick cables. He cast into what looked like the console to one of the machines and watched as it blew up with a sudden explosion, taking out another few creatures.

He had lost track of how long he had been fighting, but he had been making steady progress as he headed deeper into the warehouse. He had cleared out the majority of the monsters and was working his way towards the mezzanine where the majority of the whirring and alarms were coming from.

He held one iron golem’s blade prone with his own as he swiped a bomb out of the air, wondering how on earth they had lured all these monsters to the factory. The rods clearly helped them control them, so had they gathered them up from all across the planet? He was glad he was here, this monster army could have wrecked havoc. Luckily they were all brute-force monsters, and not particularly strong, he thought idly.

Turning back to give the golem his full attention, suddenly Cloud smelled ozone burning and started moving, a split second before he felt himself get punched bodily by something from a different direction.

The hit felt solid, and he was suddenly surprisingly winded, but he kept moving to take the golem down in two hits. The place he was struck still hurt though – surprisingly, for what felt like a punch, and he looked down for a split second, putting his hand to his torso and finding it slick and wet, with what he realised was his blood glistening on his gloves. There was a hole there, a large one.

He could hear warning signals going off in his head, or maybe the klaxons were in real life. He was suddenly hyper aware yet numb to everything else going on in the warehouse, the noise from the exhaust fans, the bright lights cross crossing through the shadows of the room, the monsters attacking him. He felt their attacks hit him, and he fought back automatically, a fog upon his brain, as he looked up in the direction of the attack.

There, up on mezzanine! The massive, long gun barrel still pointed at him. It had a wide barrel, and looked a little bit like the Sister Ray like that, but all lit up from the inside in rings and humming with a loud energy he could hear from his position lower. He focused in on the figure manning it with the finely honed instinct of someone who had been fighting for his life for too many years to count. The enemy - the threat. He was off, legs pumping, and the hole in his torso was screaming at him from the effort. He launched himself up to the second level, one hand on the wound to stabilize it, feeling the squelching of his inner organs trying to escape. He pressed a cure into it and felt his body try to knit the wound together, but it was too big to be properly healed by magic. The cure rolled around on the surface of his flesh, ineffectually fizzling along the edges of the wound.

He reached the gun and slammed his sword into the base with a largely uncontrolled swing, channelling a lightning spell down the length of First Tsuragi which fried the machinery as he crushed the barrel.

Now turning to the man still sitting in the turret chair, he knew the Deepground operative was yelling about something or other, Deepground, taking over the world, _whatever_ , but the words roll over his head, white noise.

“Shut up,” he growled, bringing his sword around with a crunch into bone.

He regarded the rest of the mezzanine level, seeing more humans running towards him, more technology that won’t stop flashing, and more yelling. He needs to get out. He cast Comet on the entire level, as he hopped back down to the ground floor, surprising himself as he staggers, sinking lower in his leap then he expected to, and unexpectedly unable to control his body with the smooth movements he is used to.

He half walked, half jogged to the entrance, even as the entire mezzanine crashed behind him, hearing small explosions and cries of monsters and humans trapped underneath the rubble. One hand on the gaping wound in his torso, and he almost feels like that’s the only thing holding him together, the other hand holding the sword which cuts off the head of an approaching lizard, it’s hot blood spraying onto his arm and face as he finds himself suddenly without the energy to dodge.

Suddenly, he is outside again. The cool night is icy on his face, and he feels so cold. Looking around, he tried to spy anyone from Avalanche. He was injured – he needed help from his team. Where was the people he trusted? Where was Vincent, or Tifa? He blinked, realising a trooper was talking to him, a blurry face underneath a bright red beret. Blood red. He’s lost a lot of blood and can’t think straight.

“Sir?” she says, and he can focus on the words, now that he’s trying. “Sir, do you need help?”

“I’m fine,” he tells her, on autopilot. _Wait, no. That’s not right._

“Medic. I need a medic.” He corrected himself, a long second later. Then he is surprised to find himself sinking to his knees, feeling the dew from the cool grass. There are hands on him, and shouting, as the world fades.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, I really hope Roche doesn't commit serious crimes against humanity in FFVIIR Volume 2 or this chapter will age really badly. I just thought he's a bit of a ridiculous fuckboi and kind of ridiculous. 
> 
> Cloud got a booboo!
> 
> Thank you to everyone who takes the time to read, kudos, and comment. It makes me so happy that someone is enjoying this. I hope you have an amazing week.  
> PS. I have barely proofread this so if there's any huge glaring mistakes, give me the heads up, please!


	10. A Coma is Just a Really Bad Power Nap

Chapter 10

Vincent looked down at the unmoving figure in the hospital bed. Nestled in the clinically white bedsheets, Cloud’s figure looked small and pale. His breath gently fogging up the oxygen mask was one of the only signs of movement in the blonde’s body. The IVs in each arm, and various other monitoring equipment in the room dwarfed him, making him appear even smaller.

It was easy to forget how petite the younger male actually was, when he led them with such a straight back, excessively large sword and quiet confidence of his strength.

Vincent looked at Cloud’s long, slender neck and thin wrists, nearly as white as the sheets he was on. He knew if he were to pull down the duvet, he would see the heavily bandaged evidence of the huge hole punched through his slim torso.

It was a hit that would have killed anyone else. Should have killed Cloud. Despite how delicate he looked, pale and soft, the man in the bed was the strongest person on the face on their planet, and this was the closest he had ever seen this man to death.

Even a lifetime ago when they had left Cloud a groaning mess in Mideel, at least then he had been moving, and making noises.

For Vincent, regarding Cloud’s mortality as a real possibility was sobering. In terms of the timing, it was unfortunate that he was critically injured when it seemed that Cloud had finally started caring about living again. For a while now, he had been watching Cloud slipping away, slowly falling into a dark place. When he started pulling out of that dark space again, Vincent had leaned into the blonde’s reconnection with his humanity and reached out. Talking about and sharing his feelings and emotions was extremely hard, but Cloud’s own efforts had encouraged Vincent. He didn’t want the younger man to become as emotionally stunted as Vincent felt sometimes, trapped by his own sins and demons, and beneath that, a hypermasculine upbringings that discouraged sharing his emotions. But despite all that, Cloud was trying. He was trying his hardest. And now he was here, closer to death then Vincent had ever seen him. Not because he had given up, but because he was out there again, being a hero and trying to make things better.

If the beam’s blast had been any more to the left, it would have gone through Cloud’s spine and then he would be paralysed. Any higher, and it would have punched right through his heart. As it was, he had arrived at the site of the attack to see shocked WRO troopers crouched over Cloud’s crumpled body, the blonde rapidly bleeding out on the dark earth. Vincent had pushed the frozen infantry away to get to Cloud, pressing spell after spell into his body, watching the green glow sink into the rapidly paling body. Vincent had carried him straight back into the chopper who had just delivered him there, and departed back to Junon with a shocked Reeve, leaving the more experienced fighters they brought to manage the rest of the operation.

They had kept him under between the emergency surgeries because the doctors had recommended a medically induced coma to allow his body to heal. Tifa had vehemently protested at the recommendation, and although everyone had recognised how much she hated seeing Cloud’s unmoving body, they had gone with the recommendations. Barret had held the woman tight, comforting her in his own gruff way while she cried her eyes out. Vincent had been there for all of it, trying not to feel like an awkward voyeur whilst he lurked in a corner.

They were taking turns watching over Cloud, not wanting to leave him alone. He had been under for about five days now, and the wound was rapidly healing but the seriousness of the injury was slowing the recovery.

Even without Cloud explicitly saying it, Vincent had connected the dots about the man’s secret feelings. About the last person any of them were expecting. Sephiroth… who Cloud ought to hate, for everything that the other man had inflicted on Cloud’s life, but instead he held the secret of his feelings deep inside, knowing full well it would have large impacts on their tight-knit friendship.

Frankly, Vincent was shocked Cloud had managed to keep this secret close to his chest for so long. The younger man was hardly subtle in his feelings, blunt and easy to read at times.

He looked down at Cloud’s pale skin, faint freckles dusted across his nose and along his delicate cheekbones. His eyelashes were fanned out, pale blonde and elegant. His hair framed his face, flattened slightly by the soft pillow he was half sunken into.

Cloud… he loved Sephiroth. Possibly still does. He wasn’t sure how that happened, or how it was that the memories or feelings seemed to have dredged up recently.

He wondered how Sephiroth felt about Cloud. Had they had some sort of relationship prior to the Nibelheim incident? He would have been far younger than Sephiroth then, and he was vaguely aware the man was General at that point, and probably would have no reason to have contact with Cloud. Had he held feelings for a young Cloud?

If so… then had he still held those feelings during the events that took place in the Nibelheim reactor?

What about after?

He thought back to all the interactions between Sephiroth and their group in the events surrounding Meteorfall. Although they later realised that sometimes those encounters with Sephiroth had actually just been Jenova, he was still able to interact with the group and use words to hurt them during that time. But with all the back and forth between Cloud and Sephiroth, where the blonde had worn his heart on his sleeves and screamed at Sephiroth with raw emotion at losing Aerith, he had not once hinted at anything in their history together. And the same on Sephiroth’s part. He seemed to delight in torturing Cloud with words, so surely if such fodder was available, Sephiroth would have taken it.

But then… where did that leave them? He couldn’t possibly imagine Cloud developing feelings for Sephiroth _after_ he was dead, so had he simply …forgotten until now?

It did make sense, considering Cloud and Tifa had discovered on numerous occasions that his memory was faulty. Since then, a few incidents had come up in which Cloud had realised his memories were missing or wrong about things, even smaller ones, and watching the blonde stop and make the realization, or wince mid-sentence and correct himself. It was clearly a point of contention and shame for Cloud.

He reached down, and gently ran his human thumb across Cloud’s cheekbone. The skin was soft, but surprisingly warm.

He had locked himself away for twenty-five years after losing Lucretia to Hojo. He knew how love could be a painful, twisted feeling that ruined a person.

_Cloud, I hope that you were loved back. You are deserving of it. I hope that you know how much you are loved by us, also. Do we show that enough?_

Something had changed in him, the night Cloud admitted without admitting to his feelings for the man Vincent believed to be his son. He felt guilty for projecting his own feelings of failure to save Sephiroth onto the younger man. He didn’t want to force Cloud into some sort of strange foster father-son relationship, but Vincent was finding it hard to pull back now that he had started caring for Cloud in a more filial way. Avalanche had somehow started chipping away at the iceberg surrounding his heart, and now it was melting.

He _wanted_ to care again. Admitting that to himself was shocking when it was so much easier to _not_.

_Maybe it’s time to stop taking the easy way out._

Vincent was so lost in his thoughts that the sudden rapid beeping of the monitor shocked him.

Looking down, he saw Cloud’s eyelashes fluttering rapidly, eyes working under the lids. He removed his hand from Cloud’s face, just in time for the blonde’s eyes to burst open. Bright blue eyes stared forward, his pupils blown wide open. He watched Cloud’s eyes flick rapidly around the room, still unfocused.

“Cloud?” he asked, gently.

The other man jerked suddenly, the monitors beeping reaching a crescendo. His oxygen mask was opaque with heated breath, and he realised Cloud was hyperventilating. He reached down just in time to hold his arm across Cloud’s chest to stop him from sitting up and ripping out his IV. As it was, Cloud strained against his arm with a shocked grunt.

“Cloud, you’re safe.” Vincent said firmly, placing more pressure on his arm to push him back down into a lying position.

“No!” he cried, strained.

He returned his human hand to Cloud’s face, touching his cheek to look at his face better. Cloud’s eyes were wide but unseeing, flickering around the room, and his entire body was stiff. He spotted a nurse entering rapidly and tried to get Cloud’s attention as she injected something into the IV on the far side. He seemed too far gone to notice, tense against Vincent’s body as he strained.

“You’re safe. You’re in a hospital in Junon. You’re safe,” he repeated, not sure if his words were making any impact.

“..G-get out…!” Cloud groaned, but already his words were losing any strength. The sedative hit him all at once, suddenly losing all the strength to push back. 

“You’re safe,” Vincent stroked his cheek once as he gently started lowering Cloud back down to his pillow.

“Get out of the lab…” his voice was small now, and he sounded lost.

“You’re not in the lab. You’re safe.”

Cloud’s eyes were closing, but he was fighting the effects of the drugs, holding them open to allow two glowing slivers of blue to regard Vincent. He wasn’t sure if Cloud was looking at him, or through him.

“Where’s Zack? Where is he?” his words were faint as his eyes slowly closed.

Vincent swallowed, but he didn’t have to answer as the room quietened. Cloud’s vitals slowing back into unconsciousness again, but Vincent’s own heart was beating rapidly in his chest.

* * *

He felt consciousness slowly unfurl throughout his body, pulling him up from slumber. His fingers still felt cold, and his mind strangely numb. He recognised the artificial calmness as the familiar work of a sedative.

Cloud cracked one eye open slowly, with an apprehension kept at bay by the numbing medication in his veins. The ceiling was popcorn stucco, a far cry from the basic ceiling tiles or exposed beams and cabling he would expect in a Shinra lab. Even if it was tacky and dated, someone had made an effort to make this room look good. That and the soft, plush pillow and comforter tucked around him made Cloud release the unbidden thought that he was back in the lab. He replayed the last moments he remembered and recalled embarrassingly faceplanting in front of some poor WRO infantry. Ouch, his dignity.

He tried to sit up and gave out a little moan with the effort. His entire body _ached_ something bad, and he could feel the pull of healing flesh, bandages, and drips, all the familiar signs that he had fucked up his physical form pretty bad. Ouch, his everything.

Something rustled in his peripheral, and Cloud finally opened both eyes as far as he could get them (a solid fifty percent felt like a big effort right now) to take the rest of the room in. it was definitely the nicest hospital room he had ever been in, and he could count quite a few in that list. The mid-afternoon sun streamed in the window, golden and warm, casting a halo on the shiny black hair on Tifa Lockheart’s head, who was slowly waking from where she was dozing on the side of Cloud’s bed.

He realised she was actually holding his hand, which he could barely feel, much to his consternation. He tried squeezing his fingers, which seemed to work, considering she unconsciously squeezed back.

She rose, slowly, as she woke up, blinking. Tifa’s rich red eyes met his own, and slowly widened in comprehension.

“….hey, Teef.” He tried, wincing at how dry and scratchy his voice came out.

“Cloud!?” she gasped, sitting up and releasing his hand. Her own voice was a bit rough, and with that and the puffiness around her eyes, Cloud instantly knew she had been crying. _I’m definitely in trouble..._

“Yeah…” he took the oxygen mask off slowly, stretching the elastic over his head with numb fingers, all the while carefully watching her carefully.

Tifa gave him a huge, relieved smile. He briefly wondered at how it lit up her entire face before the expression crumpled into something much less kind.

“YOU-!” she seemed to catch herself by surprise but took a small breath and continued. “You idiot! You could have been killed! Charging in there by yourself – really, Cloud? REALLY?”

He winced, holding up his hands in defence.

“Yeah, I know, it was dumb. But I went on the offensive because the WRO troops holding the place wouldn’t stand a chance. I did think about it, honestly.” He frowned at how hard his throat was protesting against his speech. _How long had he been out?_

Tifa, ever the carer even in her righteous fury, poured him a glass of water and handed it to him with as much anger as she could manage, short of punching it into his chest. He struggled to sit up, and then drank it carefully, collapsing back onto the bed afterwards.

“Gaia, my body is killing me,” he admitted. “How long was I out for?”

Tifa frowned at him. “Cloud, you’ve been in a coma for almost a week.”

“… Fuck. That bad?” he was expecting a number in _hours,_ not days.

His friend regarded him, and he watched the anger rapidly drain out of her face. Tifa returned to his side and all but collapsed back on the side of the bed, grasping Cloud’s hand again.

“I was so worried about you,” she admitted, looking down. “When they called me… they weren’t sure you were gonna make it.”

“Teef. I’m so sorry – I promise, it was an accident.”

“I know. I know you wouldn’t get hit on purpose, and the reports said that you basically took out every monster before you hit by that cannon.”

“Cannon? Is that what it was?”

“Ahh….” She touched her face, in thought. “Reeve said it was some sort of new pulse cannon. Some sort of cannon…. He was really amazed they had it. He said Scarlet was really interested in that sort of technology, and it got incorporated into Sister Ray, but it seems the idea was picked back up by Deepground.”

“Ah, trust Shinra to go straight to ‘bigger is better’”. He sighed, tired just thinking about the massive cannon that had fired at Ruby Weapon, which was a rapidly rusting, expensive piece of junk they had left in Midgar.

“Yeah.” She sighed too, and they sat there in silence. The sunlight was warm, and he felt surprisingly peaceful for someone lying in a hospital bed. Now that he was paying more attention, he could see several tables overflowing with cards and bouquets. Gaia, he was not looking forward to the media circus following his release from the hospital. He briefly considered just pretending he was unconscious for longer, or dressing like a nurse and sneaking out.

Their peaceful moment was interrupted as a nurse bustled into the room, pleased to see he was conscious. The nurse checked his vitals and commented that he seemed to be doing fine, and promised to come back with the doctor soon, before sweeping out again.

The silence broken, Tifa spoke.

“I heard you went back to Nibelheim,” she said softly.

“The fake Nibelheim.” Cloud corrected her.

“It’s so disturbing. I can’t even think of it as a nice thing that Shinra did – to rebuild the lost town – when it was just a cover up” She sounded wistful, staring out the window.

“They should have just let it disappear” Cloud said bluntly.

“I would be sad if Nibeheim was to be scrubbed off the maps. It was our home, after all…”

“I don’t really have any cherished memories of growing up in Nibelheim.”

“What about… our childhood memories together?” She sounded lost, voice still soft.

“We had very different childhoods.”

“Don’t say that…”

“Seriously. You were the mayor’s daughter. I was an outcast with no friends who was beat up on a regular basis.”

Tifa frowned, and then switched their conversation into the Nibel tongue, something they were both fluent in but spoke rarely.

_“So you are happy to just let Nibeheim die away? To fade from memory?”_

_“What value is there in clinging to the past? Who would we save it for?”_ he replied.

_“You seem happy enough to remember about everything else.”_

Cloud bristled, feeling anger rise up inside him, raising his voice.

_“Excuse me for wanting to cling to the few good things and happy memories I have been allowed to experience in my life. You know, between my shitty childhood – “_ and Tifa tried to interrupt, but he pressed on, _“I’m sorry – but it was shit for me. That, then leaving Shinra to become a SOLDIER and failing miserably at that, then the whole Nibelheim Incident, being a science experiment for five years, then the whole meteor thing, and then having to rebuild my memories and unravel who I really am. It’s not exactly something I want to reflect on, ok? That town… was not a good place for me. Not now, not then.”_

Cloud reached out for Tifa’s hand, and she looked at him, hesitantly, before grasping it.

He switched back to common.

“Tifa, the best thing I could possibly keep from the ashes of Nibelheim is right here with me. You- you and my mum were the best things in that town, and now you’re one of the most important people in my life. We will always share that bond.”

She looked shocked to hear him speak so openly about his feelings.

“Cloud… no-one else will ever know what Nibelheim was like, you know? No one knows about shovelling snow off the steps in winter, or how weird Old Man Cromby used to smell, or which path to take to get to the winterberry bushes, or the right way to slow cook Nibel Wolf to make it really tender. No one- ” she switched back to Nibel, “ _One day no-one will be able to speak this language, either. That town is gone… but we will keep on living.”_

She was crying, gently, and Cloud reached one numb hand up to wipe away her tears.

“Thank you for being so honest with your feelings. I never truly took the time to understand why you felt that way. I – I know I can be pushy like that.”

“It’s my fault too, I keep it all bottled up inside.” He admitted.

Tifa smiled up at him, tears in his eyes. “Yeah, but you’re trying. Cloud, I’m so proud of you. You’ve made such a change lately. Where did this all come from?”

He sighed, looking out the window and collecting his thoughts.

"I just feel like.... Ever since the Nibelheim incident I've been trying to do this puzzle. I don't have the box, because I know it's meant to be a rectangle, because that's puzzle shape. But there's a bunch of pieces missing and I think someone's eaten some, I gave some others away and I've got all these pieces from some other puzzle entirely and that's long gone. I'm looking down at this mess and people keep coming and complimenting me on this mess in front of me. It's like -" he sighed, "like I'm at the kids table but they hand me an adult menu and now I'm just confusing the metaphor even further."

Tifa blinked at him, and Cloud found himself unexpectedly flushing in embarrassment.

“I mean, I guess I’m just trying to figure things out in my own way and talking it out with you guys helps. So I guess I should have tried that a long time ago….”

Tifa giggled. “You’re such a dork. You’re doing it now, and that’s all that matters.”

They both blinked up as the door was forcefully opened, and a black-headed girl strolled inside casually, cradling a large brown bag that crinkled as she walked.

“Mum, dad, are you guys done fighting in a language I don’t understand and therefore can’t even eavesdrop?” Yuffie said casually. “Oh hey, welcome back to the land of the living, Cloudster. Glad you woke up, because if you die I become the dumbest member of Avalanche and I’m not ready for that for a few years at least.”

“I literally just woke up from a coma, but go off bullying me I guess,” Cloud grumbled.

“Yeah, yeah, you sook. Here, I brought you snacks.” She threw the grocery bag somewhere in the general Cloud-torso direction, but not before snagging a bag of chips from the bag, ripping them open.

“Anyway, my dad was so shocked that I cried at the news – Shut up Tifa, you’re crying right now and I have diplomatic immunity to blackmail – and said I could stay for a few weeks so I guess princess school is out for the winter holidays or whatever. I hope you all did your yule shopping already.”

Cloud couldn’t help but smile at the absolute whirlwind of energy Yuffie was.

Tifa leaned down while Yuffie was stuffing her face with some spicy-looking snacks, to whisper in Cloud’s ear.

“We can talk later – okay? But thank you for explaining how you feel.”

“Teef, don’t overthink it, ok?” Cloud replied with a sigh.

She smiled wryly. “Oh, I don’t know how to _not_ overthink things.”

She leaned up to pick up something from a shelf above Cloud’s head and returned with a chocobo plush that she tucked in right next to Cloud in bed, nestled in the crook of his arm.

“There we go, Cloud and little Cloud. Marlene brought this to you.”

“Hey…” Cloud groaned.

* * *

When he woke again, the room was dark and cool in the night. His eyes were closed, but he could tell that the window was tightly shut, holding out the blustering winter’s wind that he could hear howling outside. His side was warmer than the rest of him, heated by the body warmth of the larger man pressed to his side.

He leaned his face into Sephiroth’s large, warm hand, cupping his cheek.

“What on earth did you do to yourself?” the older man murmured with concern, brushing Cloud’s fringe out of his face as he delicately tried to turn to face him. He found himself stuck, held by the significant amount of medical equipment still attached to him on one way or other, and Sephiroth, who was actively stopping him from moving, seemingly concerned that he would rip something out. He opened his eyes and saw that the other man was squeezed into his hospital bed with him, seemingly precariously balanced on the side of the bed, with barely enough space to hang on in the single bed. He was delicately reaching around the cables and monitors to cuddle Cloud. The entire situation was a delicate balance.

For the second time today, Cloud felt himself blush in embarrassment.

“I uh… had an extreme piercing mishap and ended up with a hole punch from a pulse cannon kind of thing.”

Sephiroth sighed with no small amount of frustration.

“Please be more careful with yourself.”

“Trust me, I’ve gotten it all already.”

“Very well, if you have already been appropriately chastised, then I can skip over that and go straight to nursing you back to health.” Sephiroth murmured, green eyes glowing in the dark.

“How do you plan to do that?” he asked, curiously.

“I believe Zack used to refer to the ‘TLC’ method.” He leaned forward, breath warm on Cloud’s lips, but instead moved up to place a tender peck on the sun-kissed tip of the blonde’s nose instead.

“Hey-!” Cloud couldn’t help but choke out a laugh, as Sephiroth continued to press soft kisses on his face, on his cheeks, ticklish against his ear, and along his jawline.

“Is the treatment working?” Sephiroth murmured, lips still pressed against his neck.

Cloud smiled, shyly. “Actually, you missed a spot.”

“Oh? Where?”

He turned as much as Sephiroth would let him, and pulled the older man’s face up with two fingers on his strong jawline, directing him towards Cloud’s lips, finally. They brushed against each other, and he could almost imagine he felt Sephiroth’s long eyelashes fluttering closed against his cheeks as he tenderly pressed his lips up against Cloud’s.

Cloud sighed into the kiss, feeling utterly comforted as Sephiroth cradled the back of his head, another arm wrapped firmly over the covers tucking him into bed. He was so warm, so soft and still fuzzy from medication. He felt like he could just float away right there, drifting into dreamland.

It took him a few long beats to realise he had stopped kissing Sephiroth back and had nearly fallen asleep.

He cracked his eyes open again, to find the older man regarding him with a fond look of amusement on his face.

“You should sleep, you’re still healing.”

“But I want to spend more time with you….” Cloud sighed, already feeling himself drifting asleep.

“I’ll be here. Don’t worry about it, sleep.”

_But you won’t be there…. You won’t be there when I wake up,_ he thought, even as he lost consciousness.

Back into the blissful unconsciousness, a little bit safer with a protector of his dreams.

* * *

Cloud sat up in bed, his body only protesting a little bit at the bend, but feeling much more alert and with it even with less medication than the day before. They finally had him off the blood transfusion, but the IV was still firmly inserted into a cannula in his arm. He couldn’t wait to have the blasted thing removed, but until then, the freedom of one arm was nice, at least. He was currently using this freedom to torture the poor little chocobo plush, pulling at its cheeks like it was its fault he was stuck in bed and so restless.

Vincent wasn’t quite frowning at him from across the room, but Cloud felt like it was a close call. The other man had already had his go lecturing Cloud, but also spent an inordinate amount of time in the blonde’s room. The others had already told him Vincent had watched over him a lot while he slept, but he was still a bit surprised by it.

But still Vincent just lingered in the corner of his room.

He coughed slightly and was surprised at how fast Vincent’s eyes shot to him. His expression was so close to unreadable, but he also seemed on the cusp of something.

He recalled their elevator trip, where it took Vincent until the return trip to work up the courage to say what he was thinking. Cloud might be emotionally stunted at times but compared to Vincent he was open like a book.

He unabashedly stared at Vincent, wondering if he should prompt the other man or wait painfully for him.

It took a few long moments for Vincent to speak.

“Do you remember when I reached you, that night?” he asked, blood red eyes piercing into Cloud.

He shifted a little bit under that gaze. “I know you healed me, but I was unconscious before that. Thank you, by the way.”

Vincent didn’t acknowledge his thanks.

“When I saw you, a part of me thought you had given up, and let yourself get hurt. But I was loathe to believe it, Cloud. Would you tell me now, was that hunch correct?”

“No.” he answered easily. “It was an accident. I didn’t want to get hurt. I didn’t – I don’t want to die.”

“I thought so but forgive me for checking.”

Cloud laughed softly, but without mirth. “I don’t know if I could stop fighting even if I wanted to.”

“Do you want to?” Vincent drew closer.

He looked away slightly, breaking tense the connection between them. The air in the room felt stiff suddenly.

“You don’t have to ask me this, you know. We can keep playing this very complicated game of make believe,” Cloud said, carefully tilting his head to the side, hair hiding his face. His delicate neck was a pale column, nearly as white as the sheets around him. “In which I pretend I am fine, and you all pretend you believe me.”

“How long can you keep that up?” Vincent asked, softly.

“I … I can’t. I’ve given up on that…. I’m trying to find a reason to keep on fighting. I have to.”

“Did you find it? The reason.”

“I don’t know. Maybe.” He admitted, softly.

“Would you tell us if it wasn’t?”

“I … don’t know.” He repeated.

“What will you do if you lose that reason?”

“I guess I’m trying to find that reason to live in… me. But that’s hard, too.”

“I know,”

They sat in silence for a longer time.

“Do you think you’ll keep fighting?” Vincent asked him.

“It’s the one thing I can do.”

He laughed, and Cloud was surprised at the how genuine the other man’s laugh was. It was a rarity and reminded him of another’s rich baritone.

“Cloud, don’t forget that you never have to fight alone. Even if you charge headfirst into a warehouse full of monsters, we will always have your back.”

“Noted.”

“And maybe keep this on you so next time this happens, you can just shoot the person manning the turret.” Vincent told him as he held something out to the blonde.

“Huh?”

He accepted the item, and looked carefully at the gun Vincent had just handed him. It was solid, a six-barrel revolver finished in gunmetal with detailing down the barrel.

“I hope I’m not imposing,” Vincent demurred. “It’s simply fashioned out of some older guns I no longer use, but it will do the job.”

“Ah – thank you Vincent. I really appreciate the thought.”

“Do you feel confident with a firearm such as this?”

“Well, uhh I haven’t fired one since my rifle as a trooper…” Cloud admitted, with a wince.

Vincent frowned. “You’re out of here soon. I’ll give you lessons.”

“Yeah, that would be nice.”

* * *

Cloud was deeply engrossed in a mapping program on his laptop when Shelke walked into his hospital room.

She nodded at him in greeting, pulling up a chair.

“I have reports for you,” she told him, in her calm, matter-of-fact tone he was so used to.

Cloud smiled slyly. “Straight to business,” he asked, a small teasing tone in his voice.

“Always.” She replied, back straight as she brought out her own laptop. “So, our reconnaissance seems to indicate that the warehouse you entered last week may have actually been the last remainder of Deepground which left Reactor 0. We are continuing to scan, collect information and monitor the situation, but it may be for all intents and purposes that Deepground is truly gone this time.”

“Wow, so that was all of it?”

“Yes, and the machinery and transportation found in that warehouse was consistent with what seemed to be missing from Reactor 0 also.” Shelke stared at the wall for a second, the tone of her voice becoming slightly less professional. “It’s a bit sad, really… the organisation that was my life for so long was extinguished in a rather pathetic last stand, in a rusted warehouse. It seemed that corrupting the monsters with probes and mako was their plan to destabilize the WRO, but it simply wasn’t enough.”

Cloud blinked. He didn’t have as much involvement in Deepground as Vincent and Shelke did, and managed to forget that was where she had come from originally.

“I’m… sorry?” he managed, not sure what she wanted to hear.

Shelke seemed to snap out of her musing. “Oh no, it’s for the best. Anyone still trying to destroy world order even without the direct control of the Restrictors don’t deserve a place in this world. Deepground weren’t exactly working towards beneficial goals for all of humanity.”

“Ah, okay then.”

“Actually, I have another reason I came here,” she told him, reaching into her messenger bag and pulling out a sheath of loose-leaf paper. She handed them over.

“These are notes we found in the documents we were reviewing. They are notes from Ghast’s research, and so far nothing we have found of Ghast’s was incorrect, nor was he producing purposely falsified or misleading research like Hojo was.” She shifted slightly, in discomfort. “It’s about the copycat ability of Jenova cells. I understand – I am sorry if this is probing, but I understand you have concerns about abilities or memories you copied from the SOLDIER Zack Fair. These notes seem to indicate that Jenova has an innate copycat ability, and it is likely this is the cause for that phenomenon.”

Cloud froze. The guilt he had been carrying deep in his heart, that he had not only forgotten Zack, let him die on a cliff, stolen his skills, gotten his girlfriend killed. The guilt was still there – he was not sure it would ever leave – but this infallible information that maybe just maybe it was because of the Jenova cells and not because he was unconsciously _such a shitty fucking friend and human being_ that he would do that to the one man who was truly a hero – that felt like a cooling salve on that particular scar.

Part of him had known, deep down, that mako, trauma, and now he knew that Jenova’s intrinsic nature had a part in him stealing Zack’s memories, but he believed in taking responsibility in his actions or there was no point in autonomy. He was himself, and he would take full ownership of that or he would lose sight of who he truly was.

Shelke looked at him again.

“I was quite scared for you, Cloud.” She admitted.

“Sorry to worry you,” he apologised softly.

Shelke hesitated for a moment.

“Can I… admit something to you?”

“Of course.”

“You may be aware that about the way the others talk about me. They think I'm robotic, or a child ... It's hard. It's hard to be treated like an other. Even in Deepground I was always segregated with the others, they saw me as weak, and a tool.”

“Shelke.....” He sighed, looking at her in concern.

“I know our circumstances aren't entirely comparable, however, even though I can see that you are struggling with the physical and emotional fallout of unethical scientific experimentation, you strive to maintain a relatively ordinary life. I. ... admire that.”

“Shouldn't you be looking up to Vincent? He's the one that saved you, after all.”

“Ah.... Vincent isn't really a poster child for integrating with society.” She blushed slightly.

Cloud laughed gently, then reached over and took Shelke’s hand.

“I’ll tell you one thing I learned. We all have our own shit going on, but people love to assume they know the whole story or judge you. But you get to decide how your story goes.”

“Despite all of that, it is a bit offputting when you consider the legacy left behind by our enhanced peers. The Tsveits, project G - Angeal and Genesis, and of course Sephiroth…. All of them became monsters, or went crazy. I do not wish to follow that path.”

“Shelke,” Cloud said, softly. “I have met plenty of regular, unenhanced people who were worse monsters then the actual monsters, and a whole lot of strange people who were amazing, quirky, kind, and helpful. If you think you are a monster, you still be a monster. But only you get to make that decision. Keep trying to be the person you want to be.”

“That advice is very sound advice, Cloud. I will aim to be a more positive data set then those who have died.”

“That’s all you can do. We just get through every day, right? And we’re not alone, remember that.”

Shelke sniffled a little bit. “Thank you. I am glad I talked to you about this.”

“Any time, Shelke.”

She looked away in slight embarrassment, pulling her hand back again.

“Actually… can I ask you a favour, since you came here? Ah… do you know anything about property acquisition?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wooo sorry i got a bit busy and couldn't update.
> 
> That thing about Jenova cells at the end is canon! it was in a guide. Pretty cool.
> 
> Thank you everyone who took the time to read and comment so far. I really hope you enjoy this chapter.


	11. Happy Fantasy Christmas

For as much as the months aggressive corporate decorations had loomed over his life, the actual arrival of Yule took Cloud by shock. Tifa and Reeve had managed some sort of last -minute seasonal miracle and secured one of the less favoured Shinra family lodges for a week, a slightly run down wood log cabin that they all managed to squeeze into. He had been whisked pretty much straight from discharging straight to the holiday, and Cloud was left feeling a bit off-kilter.

That’s how he found himself leaning on the lodge’s deck, dressed in a soft blue knit sweater that Tifa had thrust upon him, cradling a mug of mulled wine with a slight bite of spiced rum in there – Cid must have been responsible for this particular batch – watching Yuffie teach the kids the particulars about snowball fights.

It might have been the way the snow shimmering on the firs of the pine trees reminded him of Nibelheim, or the way he still felt tender and a bit weak from his injury, skin still fresh and healing, or being surrounded by his favourite people, but Cloud couldn’t help but feel uncharacteristically sentimental.

Maybe it was the rum.

Or maybe he was just getting old.

He sipped his mulled wine slowly, looking straight ahead as the door slowly creaked open, heralding the familiar pad of paws coming towards him. Cloud nodded his head in silent greetings as Nanaki raised himself up, front legs leaning on the balustrading as if copying Cloud’s pose.

The liondog contemplated the snowball war unfolding in front of them.

“Do you perhaps think a device could be fashioned to allow me to throw snowballs?” he mused.

“Hmmm.” Cloud took another sip of the warm drink. “You could always team up with Cait – he could ride you and throw the snowballs.”

“Why must the immediate answer involve being a mount?” he grumbled, red tail slowly swishing. “Anyway, the cooking committee inside has requested your presence.”

Cloud sighed. “This happens every time. How long will it take before they send me packing?”

“Try not to ruin the food too much. I would very much like to eat tonight.” Nanaki remarked airily.

He pulled himself off the railing and headed back inside. “I’ll do my best!”

Cloud walked past the lounge room where Cid and Reeve where both tinkering with the lights on the tree, and into the kitchen in which he found that Tifa and Barret had nearly every surface of the rustic kitchen covered in various pots, pans and dishes.

“Spike, where ya been hiding? Come cut some vegetables up for us, surely you can’t fuck that up. We only got so many hands, and I’m already at a disadvantage. HA!” Barret said with a laugh, from his spot on the stovetop. His gun arm was replaced with a simple clamp hand, which was stirring a pot of something delicious smelling with a wooden spoon whilst he sprinkled spices in.

Tifa was deep in concentration with basting her turkey and didn’t even seem to notice Cloud’s entrance. He carefully approached the counter, eyeing the colander of washed vegetables and cutting board with trepidation.

“Just… cut them? Like what?”

“Jus’ cut. Normal like. Come on, it aint that hard.” Barret ordered him, airily.

Cloud eyed the vegetables, hefting the large knife. Right, just like a little buster sword. He cut things for a living, he could do this easy.

So cut he did, carefully chopping the ingredients into nice serviceable pieces that were generally uniform. As he was observing his work, Barret came over.

“What da hell, Spike? What did you do, limit break the damn things?”

Cloud frowned, avoiding Barret’s admonishing expression and instead staring at the ‘kiss the chef’ slogan emblazoned on his apron.

“Listen, I tried. Don’t be angry, I’m not so good at this stuff.”

“How do ya even fend for yourself? You’re a grown ass man!”

“Hey, don’t you remember me cooking for us out on the road? I can cook a great roast rabbit. Just not fancy meals, ok?” he defended himself.

“Well-“ Barret was interrupted as Denzel ran into the kitchen, snow falling from his head and shoulders as he made a beeline for the fridge.

“Vincent and Shelke joined the snowball fight and it’s like, super unfair!” He exclaimed in a rush, piling cans of cool drink into his arms. “It’s ok, I’m proposing a peace treaty. Ok – See you guys!” with that he was out again, like a snowy whirlwind.

Tifa sighed. “I swear, Yuffie is a bad influence on those kids.”

“I like his negotiation skills!” Barret laughed, anger suddenly forgotten. “Lighten up, Teef. Kid’s finally coming out of his shell. Okay spike, I can’t trust you to do shit. You’re banished from the kitchen, so get out!”

“Right, ah. Seeya.” Cloud agreed easily, snagging a cooling bacon-wrapped sausage from a tray and absconding from the room before either of them could whack him with a spoon.

He ended up back in the lounge room, where Cid was taking a swig straight from a bottle of whiskey before handing it back to Reeve, both of them sprawled in front of the tree still. A toolbox was open in front of them, as well as lots of wiring and spare parts.

“Oh – hey Cloud! Look, we upgraded the lights!” Reeve exclaimed, cheeks pink and with a paper hat slowly sliding off the side of his head. He pushed a button, and the tree lit up in multiple colours, raised another few centimetres off its base and started rotating slowly. Suddenly, it was projecting lights across the room in an overwhelming rainbow kaleidoscope of sparkles, reminding Cloud like some chaotic version of Bugenhagen’s astronomy room. But the tree was spinning faster and faster, the lights brighter, and then abruptly a large crackle marked the end of the spectacle as the whole thing shut down and a fire started in the branches.

“Shit! I told you not to make it too complicated, you goddamn nerd!” Cid exclaimed, casting an ice spell into the tree as Reeve looked on in shock, too intoxicated to react quickly. The smell of burning wood and melting electronics filled the room, and Cloud rushed to open the doors and fan the smell out. In the distance, he could hear the shouts and yells from the still-going snowball fight, truce apparently off the table.

He poured himself another, and another, somehow still relaxed in the chaos that was his found family, as they all eventually piled back inside for a boisterous dinner, enjoying Tifa and Barret’s delicious cooking. Then they settled around the singed tree to hand out Secret Santa gifts.

Some were definitely joke gifts, like a pair of gloves for Barret or yet another plush cat toy from Reeve (although he was still absolutely delighted by it), but they were balanced out with legitimate gifts like a beautiful pair of sparkling earrings for Tifa and a luxury tea variety pack for Cid. The kids were tremendously spoiled as every year, and both their heads were down in concentration setting up their new handheld game consoles.

Cloud was so warm, both inside and out. He was squeezed on the plump couch between Barret’s meaty biceps and Cid’s far bonier elbows, as they all got progressively drunker on spiced apple cider and exchanged stories.

He had a small smile on his face all evening. He couldn’t even fight it, anymore. Being in this big cabin together with all the people he loved the most, he found it hard to even remember how it felt months ago when he was finding it hard to even get out of bed in the morning.

Still… a lot had changed since that time. He felt a tiny niggling sense of guilt inside at the secret he was holding in, but he was far too relaxed and intoxicated to truly dwell on it properly at this point. Regardless, these were the people that had supported him as he leaned so heavily on them for the past few months, even if they didn’t know the true depths of what had been eating at him. They were still his team, and his family.

The night wore them down, slowly, their full stomachs, warm drinks and comfortable atmosphere bestowing a sense of sleepiness as the festivities slowly wound down and people trickled to bed. Barret herded the sleepy kids to bed and never came back. For all her bravado about being eighteen and now some sort of accomplished drinker despite all the evidence against, Yuffie ended up half-passed out, and Tifa dragged her to bed whilst Shelke accompanied. Reeve went to bed at a responsible time like the good little boy he was, and Nanaki wandered off at some point in the late evening. Cloud held down the fort with Cid and Vincent in silence for what felt like a good long while until they eventually also called it a night drifted off to their separate rooms with soft goodnights.

The lodge was still Shinra after all and was sprawling with enough rooms for everyone. He ended up stretched out under the quilted cover, luxuriating in the enjoyable looseness in his limbs and mind that he got only with alcohol and good company. The wood panelling on the inside of the room was just rustic enough that he felt a small nostalgic pang for his childhood home, remembering being a young, excited boy on the cusp of Yule. Even if they had grown up without much, his mother had always worked hard to make the holiday season special for him, with hand-made nick-nacks and other practical items.

What he would do, for a pair of her knitted woollen socks or carved nick-nacks to remember her by. But instead, he had nothing to remember his mother by apart from his admittedly faulty memory.

He sighed, curling up on himself, trying to catch himself from going too deep into reminiscing about sadder things. He pulled that warm, soft feeling back to the forefront, focusing on it and feeding it, and drifted off to sleep.

He woke up a few hours later. The moonlight streaming in from the drawn curtains visible even through his closed eyes told him that it was still deep in the night, but the slight fuzziness from the alcohol had left his head entirely, leaving him feeling clear-headed (if a bit blurry from sleep, still), and comfortably warm and relaxed.

He opened his eyes, slowly. In front of him lay Sephiroth, still. His face was lax, delicate eyelashes fanned over his cheeks, lips parted slightly, hot breath coming out in small puffs.

He was mildly startled. This was the first time Sephiroth had been asleep in his bed. Did that mean that Sephiroth was dreaming of being together also?

He took the opportunity to study Sephiroth’s face, properly. He couldn’t really just stare so unabashedly like this, when the man was awake. It was hard enough looking him in the eyes, sometimes. He took in the sharp angles of his face, the strong slope of his nose and high cheekbones. The sweep of silver fringe, pushed behind his ear so that it wasn’t draped in his face.

That face, which had taunted Cloud, hurt him. Those sweet lips, which had said such cruel things to him. That face, which tensed into such a rapturous face when declaring his intentions for the world.

That face, which had loved Cloud, cherished him. Those eyes, which looked at him with such tender feelings in his eyes, unable to be hidden and not wanting to. Those pursed lips, which had kissed over every inch of his body, whispered such sweet nothings and made promises about their future.

Those two Sephiroths could not coexist.

But surely… and he remembered, Sephiroth the undefeatable warrior, a cruel and harsh man even in sanity. He had heard rumours of the Wutai war, of the mercilessness of the man. The single-minded intensity he held in battle. Was a part of that not reflected in the Sephiroth he had met on the battlefield?

And Sephiroth’s passion, hidden away in the same secret way he had hidden the burning embers of his love for the younger man, he remembered that too. He had seen it, though the cracks in Sephiroth’s façade when he lost his composure pre-Nibelheim. He had been raised to be so perfect, and emotionless, that showing passion like that was seen as a weakness. But the Sephiroth that so euphorically cast his arms to the heavens, he was unbridled in his emotions and passions.

Was Jenova’s Sephiroth truly such a different, insane man, or just a magnification of his own traits?

Cloud thought about himself briefly, and the times he had broken down. He had careened between the weak, pathetic child that failed the SOLDIER exams and got bullied in Nibelheim, so lacking in self-confidence, and the false persona of the strong, no-nonsense SOLDIER who was standoffish made emotionless decisions with military precision. Neither of them truly reflected who Cloud was now, but he recognised the roles both personality traits played in his psyche and how they had settled into the slightly more balanced person he was trying to become.

He had to accept that the seeds that allowed Sephiroth to be controlled by Jenova were inside the other man. The fallible nature of his faceted personality, as flawed and susceptible as any of them. Cloud knew that weakness intimately, knew the feeling of realising just how weak his defences and psyche were when they came crumbling down around him.

He could absolutely lay a lot of blame for Sephiroth’s actions at the alien’s feet, even knowing that it was actually Jenova at times, but the truth that he knew is that he could not absolve Sephiroth of all blame. After all, it was the man who had burned down his hometown.

But still…. But still he wanted him.

Despite all that history, all that pain, all that maniacal cruelty.

He still wanted this.

He lay his hand on Sephiroth’s cheek. The other man was warm to the touch, soft skin despite how cool his alabaster skin looked. He wondered if Sephiroth knew what today was, but doubted they had calendars in the lifestream.

He thought… he thought he could remember a yule with Sephiroth, in a memory that felt like a billion years ago, like looking at a sepia tinted photo in a history book.

He could remember being giddy and tipsy and full of eggnog with too much rum, Zack’s melodious laughter, and he distinctly remembered wrapping his arms around Sephiroth’s neck and leaning up to boldly kiss him, cheeks burning, under the mistletoe. He recalled the surprised wolf whistles and chatter from the other people in the room. The gathering had been an intimate affair but yet trying to remember the faces of the others felt impossible, even if they had to be known to him. Other friends, lost to the aether of his mind. But that warmth, that boldness, that feeling of uncaringly kissing the man he loved, of the strong arms that wrapped around his waist after only a moment’s hesitation. He remembers that. He forgot that moment, but he got it back. How many other pieces of his shattered memory was missing, scattered until something triggers it?

Still the face under his hand breathes softly.

“Happy yule,” he whispers, and leans in to press a gentle kiss on Sephiroth’s perfect bow lips, like he is a sleeping princess and Cloud will wake him, and they will live happily ever after. For the first time in a long time, he wanted to be the hero, to save Sephiroth. He wanted that warmth of the thing they once shared, not the empty bed when the ghost of the man he killed leaves again.

Caught up in his own thoughts, he was surprised when Sephiroth kisses him back, after a moment. Gently, softly, like a dream.

“What did you wish for this yule, Cloud?” he asks, voice sleepy and low, and he can tell Sephiroth is mostly asleep still. He doesn’t feel guilty for waking him, not at all.

“It’s a secret,” Cloud whispers back, because it is easier to never admit his desires and wishes, and how much he wants the man every night, and every day, and not like this. But if he admits it out loud then he is galvanising his secret desire, the dream that he clings to. And he knows that when he wants something, it is taken away. That is how the world seems to work.

He slides his arm around Sephiroth’s waist, pulling him closer. The other man is pliable, despite the hardness of his body. He gives himself to Cloud so easily, and they meet in a warm, soft embrace. Hands tenderly slide over warmed flesh, elicting soft and gentle noises. They are quiet, tender and secret under the pale moonlight of the moon, whilst the people he loves sleep soundly under the same roof.

For yule he gives himself Sephiroth as a gift, and the other man is all too happy to indulge him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in this world it's just called Yule because i said so. Short chapter! hopefully short but sweet lol


	12. Only Dreams

Chapter 12

Cloud set down a slab of bricks, wincing slightly at the twinge in his side. Tifa brushed past him with a touch of her hand on his shoulder, her other hand supporting a bag of cement slung easily over one shoulder.

“Cloud, take a break if you need to! You’re still recovering!” She reminded him, even as she walked away.

He frowned at her retreating shoulders, the strong line of Tifa’s back as solid as the structural beams that would hold his house together. She was right, as loathe as he was to admit it. It spoke greatly to the seriousness of his injury that two weeks later he was still healing, when normally the exorbitant levels of mako in his body would heal him much quicker. It was a wound which would have easily killed anyone else instantly, and just because he had the SOLDIER treatment did not mean he was invincible. Far from it, he knew only too well, thinking of a hero who died in the rain on a cliff.

He made a face, then made a concerted effort to bring his thoughts away from such dark paths. Here he was, a beautiful day, unseasonably sunny for this time of year, surrounded by all his friends who were selflessly helping him build a house and he was once again reflecting on what had been, things too far gone to change.

He brought the bricks over to Cid and Vincent, who were working together to lay the bricks and mortar. Vincent was looking rather different with his usual red mantle discarded for more casual clothes suitable for the construction work, although he was still entirely covered up to his neck, gloves included, with a messy ponytail holding his hair out of his eyes. Cid seemed to be muttering complaints about something, but they were both meticulously working, neat and careful in their construction. Cloud supposed he shouldn’t have been surprised given Cid’s history of building spaceships, but still something about such fastidiousness coming from the brash and loudmouthed pilot seemed at odds with his personality.

Cloud exchanged brief words with the two before walking off, taking in the rest of the construction site. Reeve was pouring over the plans, a hardhat incongruously perched on his head. Barret was cracking open a fresh bottle of water, wiping at his sweaty brow, and the kids were playing close to the truck. Yuffie and Nanaki hadn’t managed to make it, but they sent their regards.

Still, he was eternally grateful for all the help he was getting. As they say, many hands make light work, and the progress today was going a long way to speeding up the build. Cloud knew he could have paid workers to construct the house, but he much preferred the thought of building it himself. He found something satisfying in the simple act of construction, maybe a vestige of the small-town mentality of Nibelheim where they had to do everything themselves, repairs and maintenance all. To understand every inch of his future house, he needed to know how it was constructed and make sure that those foundations were as solid as could be.

He knew that there would reach a point where he would have to bring the professionals in, but for now he would construct as much as he could himself.

Still, it led for some akward conversations when Cloud finally got to sleep at night after a long drive back to his current lodgings, and he was disturbed from his exhausted sleep by Sephiroth picking woodchips and plaster out of his head.

“What on gaia’s name have you been doing?” he asked in his low, smooth voice, even as Cloud blushed at having been caught out so easily.

“Nothing,” he lied, far too tired to easily come up with a convincing excuse.

“Hmm,” Sephiroth murmured, clearly not convinced. But regardless he brushed his fingers through Cloud’s unruly spikes a few more times, flicking away some additional debris, and then pulled Cloud’s head down gently to rest on his chest. Cloud felt his eyes slide closed almost instantly, Sephiroth’s warm skin and gently beating heart comforting as he laid in the safe circle of his arms.

\----

Weeks later found Cloud sitting cross-legged on a wooden deck, high in the sky. The early morning sun beat down on him as he very carefully concentrated on thinking about nothing.

No, definitely not thinking of the fact that he wasn’t at his house right now because he would only get underfoot and hassle the woodworkers, plumbers and electricians finishing off the construction currently to a professional standard he wasn’t able to comfortably achieve. So he wasn’t going to think about it, and definitely wasn’t going to think about how useless it felt to take a break right in the _middle_ like this.

Cloud’s brow furrowed as he consciously tried hard to take these thoughts and sweep them from the side. He didn’t know how he was meant to just sit there and think of nothing.

He twitched as the heavy pads of footfalls came closer, and he felt the warm heat from his friend’s body as the liondog lowered himself to the ground next to Cloud.

“You’re concentrating too hard,” Nanaki gently chided him, voice low and rumbly.

“I’m trying!” Cloud complained, eyes still closed, frowning slightly. “Its so hard to try and think of nothing.”

“Stop trying so hard, then.” Behind his eyelids, he could still see the flickering tip of Nanaki’s tail wave back and forth.

“I don’t understand,” he sighed, cracking an eye open. He met the other’s gaze with a look of surrender. He regretted taking up Tifa’s suggestion and Nanaki’s offer to come visit for a relaxing break. Who would have thought meditation was so stressful? Cloud never thought himself a hyperactive person, unlike Zack who could never seem to sit still, but it turned out that introspective brooding was his forte, not emptying his mind of thoughts and meditating. Actually, Cloud should have expected that, given how hard he found it at times to stop dwelling on the past.

Nanaki placed one large paw in Cloud’s knee, forcing him to meet his eyes again.

“Don’t worry about it for now, Cloud. Come and have some breakfast with me.”

He nodded his assent, a bit bothered how easily his frustration at not being able to achieve such an easy task had been written all over his face. He lifted from his cross-legged pose easily, following Nanaki back downstairs.

“I don’t see what’s so good about meditation, anyway.” He murmured, as they walked.

“Being able to look inside oneself is good for stress and mindfulness, Cloud. I think it would be good for you.”

Cloud sighed. “You’re probably not wrong, but I would appreciate the break. Think we could find any monsters nearby? That’s more my stress relief.”

Nananki laughed, his loping stride leading the way.

“I understand completely. Let’s see what we can find.”

\----

Cloud’s leg jittered with a tremble of nervous energy as he parked Fenrir in the garage, for the very first time. This day had come sooner than he thought, yet it still felt like it took such a long time. He had brushed off Tifa’s offer to come with him, preferring to go to the finished house – _his house-_ alone for the first time.

The key fit smoothly in the front door’s lock, and he opened the front door without hesitation. He crossed over the threshold, stepping into the entry room. Cloud walked through the dwelling. He had come up with the floor plans himself, but it was completely different to see the layout in reality. He came to stop in the open living area. Sunlight streamed in from the midmorning sun, filling the room with light. The stone countertop was cold and clean as he ran his fingers along it. The modern, design of the kitchen balanced well with the classic, traditional detailing he had picked in the rich wooden doors and windowsills, just like the wood he had remembered from his childhood home.

He knew exactly what rooms were down that hallway – bedrooms, leading to a gym area at the rear. Leading on from the lounge, large doors opened out into an alfresco area. The house was perfectly as he had planned it. Brand new, finally finished. It still smelled of paint and varnish. It was perfect and clean, but utterly empty.

Cloud stopped, standing idly in the middle. He thought – he thought it would be different for some reason. He dared not think of it, but he couldn’t help it. Cloud bit his lip. What did he really think? That he would build a house and then Sephiroth would appear? Why on earth would this change anything.

He felt stupid.

Surely, surely he knew better by now than to think anything would change. He would live alone, in this house, except for when his friends came to visit. But at least they wouldn’t tease him about being a homeless drifter anymore. Maybe, in time he could make it more like a home, anyway.

Besides, the damn thing was entirely empty. He didn’t have curtains. Scratch that, he didn’t even have _furniture._ His work wasn’t over yet.

He struggled for a few long moments to push through the bad mood he could feel settling.

Cloud whipped out his phone, ignored a few direct messages from Tifa and Reeve, and opened up the AVALANCHE group chat.

**Cloud:** Hey, anyone storing stuff of mine?

He sent the message idly and slid the PHS back into his pocket, not expecting the immediate vibration of a reply.

**Tifa:** YES SO MUCH.

 **Cid:** big messy pile of swords, snowboards and chocobo shit taking up one of the rooms in the highwind. Come get it or im dropping it in the ocean.

 **Barret:** ya want any of marlenes old kids furniture? I heard pink plastic is in this year.

 **Reeve:** I’m pretty sure your office is just storage at this point.

He rolled his eyes at his friends’ snarky replies, and headed back out of the house, locked up and got back on Fenrir. Cloud drove back to Junon at breakneck speed, letting the smooth, rolling road calm down his stressed mood. He felt incrementally better when he got back to his apartment, and after organising removalists to transport his few furniture and things from his Junon accommodation he headed over to Seventh Heaven, picking up take out on the way.

Tifa was happy enough to be bribed with free food to close the bar over lunch and help him pick out furniture to order, quietly perceptive of the fact that he probably didn’t feel comfortable in an empty house. He ended up staying the entire day, including being hassled by Marlene and Denzel when they got home from school, and stayed the night at the bar.

\---

The next day didn’t clear up Cloud’s bad mood either. His hard work for the past few months had cleared the funk he had been stuck in, but now with the house finished and the furniture being delivered Cloud felt as aimless and depressed as before. He was so angry at himself, for thinking that this project would somehow make him happy or fix him.

He meandered away from the bar, not wanting to end up bringing Tifa’s mood down with his sulking. As always, he ended up back at the large wooden doors of the church. Cloud headed inside, finding the place surprisingly deserted. Sunlight streamed in to meet the lilies at the edge of the pool, faces turned up towards the sun. He joined them, sitting down on the closest pew which was still in the sun. He closed his eyes, and breathed slowly. As always, the simple smell of the lilies, the caress of the sun and the worn feeling of the wooden pew under his fingers managed to calm him down far more than forcing himself to meditate seemed to, regardless of all of Nanaki’s teachings.

He clasped his hands, formulating a simple prayer in his mind. Somehow, he was surprised when he sensed he was no longer alone on the pew.

“Heard you build a house, hey champ? Think you can fix that hole in the roof next?” said the newcomer on his left in an easygoing, teasing tone, as he leaned into him with a hard elbow.

“Hey, you’re responsible for one of those, you know!” The figure on his right teased, “And I always wanted a skylight anyway.”

He leaned heavily into Zack’s frame. The other man was larger, broader and sturdier than he would ever be. Zack had always been his strength, solid and unmoveable even when the other man wasn’t with him anymore. He breathed in, taking in his earthy musk. On his other side, Aerith pressed into him, soft and comforting. He felt so safe and calm, sandwiched between the two of them.

“Hey,” Zack murmured, wrapping an arm around Cloud. “You know you’re not alone, right? You have all your friends, and you know we’ll always be there. That’s the whole lifestream dealio, right? We’ll never really leave – you won’t get rid of me that easily.

Cloud laughed softly, face firmy pressed into Zack’s shoulder. “Just my luck,” he replied, muffled.

“In every tree, in every flower, in every new life,” Aerith breathed into his ear from the other side. Her slender arm, her hand woven around his, strong and pliable like a root searching purchase in soil.

“But like, if you see a really buff eagle, that’s probably me up there,” Zack informs him, tone deadly serious. “I’ve always wanted to fly, you know?”

Cloud’s laugh caught him unexpectedly in the tender moment. “You dumbass” he muttered, shoving the older man slightly.

“And you’re my friend, so what does that make you?”

“An idiot, I guess,” he replied easily.

“You’re both idiots,” Aerith said, laughing too, such a delicate sound that he didn’t realise he missed so much. “Cloud, we’ll never leave you. You know… you won’t always be able to see us like this. But that doesn’t mean we’re gone.”

“I know.” He said, even if he doesn’t want to think about a time when he doesn’t see them anymore. Every moment like this that the planet gives him with these two is a gift and a blessing.

“Everything that we can give to you, we will.” She reassured him, holding him close.

“Thank you,” he whispered. He clings to the two of them, soaking up their love, their warmth, their strength. He feels like if he can just borrow it for a little bit, he can keep going. They stay with him for a long time, longer than he expected, until he finds he has drifted off in the warmth and blinks to realise that it is dusk and he is alone in the church again.

But he feels far better than he did before.

\---

It took longer than expected to sort out furniture deliveries, and do shopping for all these mundane things Cloud never imagined he would have to before, like bowls and fridges and throw pillows and curtains. But eventually, he has rearranged the entire house to look halfway decent. He has even placed some of the knickknacks he has collected over the years throughout the house, including things that frankly should maybe be in a museum somewhere – but instead he has the lunar harp on his mantlepiece, along with the few framed photos, some sort of lumpy clay animal Denzel had made for him at school. He had even picked up a few potted plants, although he wasn’t sure of his ability to keep them alive.

With all that, an ongoing list of things he needed to pick up stuck to the fridge, and a food shop done, it finally felt like it was a home. It was his home.

He ate his takeaway noodles and then spent far too long trying to aesthetically arrange a stack of motorbike magazines before he gave up and got ready for bed.

Cloud settled down into the bed, and the familiarity of the bed from his Junon apartment helped smooth over the unfamiliarity of the new room somewhat. But all in all, he found himself feeling much more content about the whole thing. For all that it was, he had been upset over something he reasonably should have known was an impossibility. Now, he found himself looking forward to living in a home he had built, to doing up the garden, arranging the lounge room, and having his friends over to fill it with noise and memories. As he slowly fell asleep, he looked forward to that future.

\---

Cloud woke slowly, to a touch on his face. He opened his eyes blurrily, as Sephiroth’s face came into focus. The older man was smiling, edges of his long mouth upturned. He looked happier and more at peace than last time Cloud had seen him, and he blinked a few times to clear his eyes. It took him a few moments to realise the reason things looked different was that the curtains were ajar, and the morning sun was streaming in, lighting up the room. He hadn’t seen Sephiroth in daylight for years. Not since he was alive. He blinked.

“Cloud, are you really going to sleep all day, or are we going to get up?” Sephiroth asked, just the smallest hint of teasing in his voice.

“You’re here? Really?” Cloud said dazedly, embarrassingly honest in his sleepiness.

Sephiroth pulled him close with the hand still on his face, and kissed him, a solid, tender press of lips. Chaste, but still packed full of emotion. He pulled back, looking down at Cloud from the end of his long nose, their faces close enough that he could feel the other’s breath on his face.

“Really really.” Sephiroth answered. His eyes were soft and tender as they looked into Cloud’s. “Did you buy eggs? I haven’t had a good breakfast in years.”

He didn’t even think about what on earth he was going to tell his friends. He didn’t care. Sephiroth was all his now, and he got to keep him. He pulled Sephiroth closer, and didn’t let him go.

It was a good while later until they finally made it to the kitchen, Cloud burning the eggs as Sephiroth despaired at the ‘illogical and inefficient’ the way blonde had decided to stock the kitchen cabinets. Sephiroth ended up pulling everything out and they put it back together, stealing bites of food and kisses throughout. They were never not within touching distance of each other, even if it was just a brush of the shoulder or a touch of the fingers against bare skin.

This was their home, that Cloud had built for their future, and for a second chance gifted from the planet. They weren’t letting go that easily.

\----

The sun streamed in through the window, casting a dappled light on the houseplants. Aerith would be proud that they kept the plants alive this long, even the increasingly rare wutainese plants Yuffie kept sending by courier.

They had given it a go with AVALANCHE, maybe too early. It had not gone well. There had been a lot of shouting, more than few threats of violence, and Tifa had left in tears.

Only Nanaki had stayed, along with Vincent, an unreadable expression on his face, and Reeve, who had known Sephiroth in his Shinra days.

Those three had kept in touch with the two of them, providing updates to the others that no, Sephiroth hadn’t killed Cloud or summoned another meteor yet whilst they waited for the rest of the gang to soften to the idea a little bit.

They gave it another go. Champagne brunch, a table full of the strongest warriors on the face of gaia and their mortal enemy Sephiroth, strategically dressed in soft pastels and with a ponytail to humanize him. It is still tense, but this time Barret doesn’t break anything and Yuffie doesn’t try to kill him. They give him at least enough of a chance to talk things through.

All of AVALANCHE had seen Cloud when he had been controlled by Jenova, and what the fallout of that had been. As hard as it is to accept, they soften to the idea that maybe, just maybe he wasn’t feeling quite himself when he tried to destroy the world. A more bitter pill to swallow was Aerith’s death, and his apology to the table does cause some winces and averted eyes, but it still needed to be said.

Even harder to avoid is how obviously calmer and happier Cloud seems. They’re not _trying_ to be obvious about it, but the tender way Sephiroth looks at Cloud, and the way they brush together, it’s not exactly subtle. Cloud looks more grounded and vibrant than he has in years, like all the colour has seeped back into an old photograph. To AVALANCHE, it was surprisingly to see how the Cloud they had remembered had been fading away until now.

“Jenova’s dead now,” Sephiroth explained, his voice smooth as always. “It’s just me now.”

“Why – why not Aerith?” Tifa asked, looking down into her lap, twisted linen napkin between her white-knuckled fists.

“Aerith got to be free, but Sephiroth never got the chance to life for himself. He belonged to Shinra, and then Jenova. Her and Zack – they’re happy, now. Together, and looking over everyone.” Cloud answered softly, looking at her. That was a hard pill to swallow for him too, that she was gone forever. But he understood this answer, and her decision not to come back, as much as he understood it was harder for her. He hoped Tifa accepted it more, coming from him than it would have come from Sephiroth. She still wouldn’t meet his gaze.

“I’m here for Cloud,” he said, squeezing his hand under the table. Cloud tried to fight his blush off, even as he saw Cid’s cheeks redden at hearing such a statement from the man.

A few more glasses of the most expensive champagne seem to relieve tension somewhat. Sephiroth makes French toast, and Barret spills the raspberry compote onto Yuffie’s lovely white jumper. She pulls it off, and seems much more comfortable in just her crop top, but Cloud insists on lending her a hoodie (and she’s the only one who makes his clothes look oversized). She snuggles into the soft fabric and insists she’s keeping it.

The alcohol continued to make Yuffie ruder, and Tifa gigglier as they drank more.

“Welcome to the club of disgruntled Ex-Shinra employees,” Cid said to Sephiroth, offering a hesitant cheers.

“Those of us that didn’t end up killed or slapped off mako cannons,” Reeve clarified, “Although, they certainly tried with Vincent and Cloud, huh guys?”

“Mako cannons?” Sephiroth asked, tactfully ignoring the second part. “What happened?”

“Tifa slapped big-titty Scarlet off the barrel of Sister Ray!” Yuffie crowed rowdily, spilling some champagne.

“You weren’t even there,” Cloud muttered at the same time as Tifa bashfully protested and Barret cheered her on.

“She had it coming,” Sephiroth replied, after he recovered from the surprise. “She had a bad reputation for being a creep.”

“Honestly, it was more surprising that Rufus survived a head-on blast from Diamond Weapon” Cloud remarked, spearing a strawberry with his fork.

“It was more surprising to me to find out he actually wants to do good now, but I guess he was funding AVALANCHE back in the days, so who knows.” Reeve said, to Sephiroth’s shock.

“He was what? I had no idea.”

Barret couldn’t seem to unclench his jaw for a long while, but hearing Sephiroth talk so casually about the fate of Shinra employees as the conversation went on made the simmering anger relinquish slightly. Cid’s point about ex-shinra employees reminded him that many of them were in AVALANCHE to make up for past mistakes, and Cloud’s point that Sephiroth had belonged to Shinra didn’t go unheeded. Around the table, Cid still seemed a little dazed, and Tifa looked pretty upset the whole afternoon, although she kept glancing between Cloud and Sephiroth. Yuffie kept forgetting to be angry at Sephiroth, then would clearly look angry at herself and then say something pointed again.

Vincent and Nanaki seemed easier to accept the change, and as the afternoon wraps up and everyone heads home, not everyone seems happy but definitely more civil and accepting than they had been.

They will have to be ok with it, Cloud thought to himself as he watches them drive off. He leans against Sephiroth, who supports him with an easy arm slung around his waist. The older man has settled so easily into domestic life, and seems so much happier and more relaxed than he ever was in Shinra. They will have to figure out how what to do on a day-to-day basis when the never-ending list of tasks for the house is wrapped up, but for now the two simply spend every day together. The delivery service is on holidays, and Cloud is fully planning on being a bit selfish for a little while longer.

He heads inside to do the dishes, maybe a little bit light-headed from the champagne. Sephiroth finishes cleaning up outside and comes up behind him to wrap his arms around Cloud’s waist from behind.

He twists in the circle of his arms to dab foam on his nose, but kisses Sephiroth anyway, with a gentle laugh as he tries not to let his wet hands drip down Sephiroth’s back but doesn’t try nearly hard enough. Sephiroth can’t bring himself to be particularly angry, and he holds Cloud close with a hand on his slim waist.

He knows that everything will be ok. His friends – hopefully, one day _their_ friends, will have to accept it because he’s not letting Sephiroth go again. Not a chance.

Here, in the little oasis for their love, he feels so full up.

\---

They settle down for the evening with a book each, Cloud in his beloved hammock with one leg hanging down, Sephiroth in a comfortable and elegant chair they found in an overpriced furniture store. Sephiroth walks up to Cloud’s hammock and slides his hand up Cloud’s leg. The other man leans in for a kiss, looking far too comfortable.

“Can I get you a cup of tea?”

“Yes, please,” Cloud smiles back at him. His heart feels full to bursting. When he thinks of the difficult lives the two of them have had, tragic and painful in very different ways, it seems hard to believe that either of them would end up this happy. But he’s not going to fight a good thing. Cloud has the rest of his life to be happy, and he’s not wasting a moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so sorry this took so long - my industry has been really busy and things have been just so hectic. I hope this chapter finds all of you well, and happy holidays.  
> Thank you for coming with me on this meandering journey through my own personal redemption of Cloud Strife and his interpersonal relationships. I hope you enjoy the conclusion too.  
> I'm hoping to write more sefikura in the future too.  
> take care everyone.

**Author's Note:**

> So basically I like to sleep and i like cuddling in bed so I wrote a fic about that.  
> But I ALSO wanted to write a fic about Cloud's mental health and redemption and recovery.  
> So this is that too.


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